There is a way to have a loving romantic marriage if both partners agree to follow the recovery plan in Surviving an Affair (by Dr. Willard Harley).

Was your affair exposed?
Does the betrayed wife know of your affair?

That is the best you can do.

Yes, he did ask me to implement, but I was fogged out and still working with OM.

BH gave up on us last October and I have been begging and pleading since then to no avail.

htd, the above comment is what would cause me to move on if I were in his shoes. If he came here and told us all this, I would tell him to run for his life. Blaming him for your affair should be a huge red flag to him that your affairing days are not over. If you are not responsible for your affair in the past, then he has no protection in the future.

The reason you had an affair is because you have pisspoor boundaries around men. He could have been meeting your needs 100% and treating you like the Queen of Sheba and you still would have had an affair.

All the need meetin in the world won't overcome poor boundaries. You allowed someone else's husband to meet your needs which led to an affair. Your husband would be CRAZY to even consider a future with you unless you make radical changes in that department.

So, I would start there along with trying to show a modicum of remorse. MY GOD. You show no remorse at all. A person who is sorry for their actions doesn't cite the wrongdoing of others.

If you don't take any responsibility for your affair, blame your husband and have utterly no remorse, then how are you a safe person? Given what I would read here, your husband should rightly conclude that a future with you will be a lifetime of more affairs.

Are you an alcoholic?

No I am not alcoholic.

Do you have issues with compulsive behavior?

I probably do have issues with compulsive behavior. Also have bad history of anxiety and depression. When affair started, BH and I had just lost a bunch of rental properties from recession and were in middle of filing for bankruptcy.

Your husband may decide to get divorced and you should know Dr Harley would support that decision if it is his choice.

However, if I were you and I was serious about saving my marriage, I would stop the blame shifting and go to your husband with a plan that is designed to protect him from future affairs if he decides to stay married.

That starts by taking accountability for your affair. If you are not accountable, then he will always be at risk. So that is where it has to begin. I would take responsibility, admit you have poor boundaries around men and produce a plan to change all this. Otherwise he would be crazy to drop the divorce.

And don't get me wrong, your husband was partially responsible for the problems in the marriage. [so you are you] You are 100% responsible for your affair. If you had not allowed a married man to meet your needs, it would have never happened.

Yes my affair was exposed, BH immediately told his mom, and he made me tell my parents. My boss knows, and many of our friends know.

If you have been lurking for a couple years, what have you done in the form of JC towards your BH? Begging and pleading after he FINALLY gave up is not going to do anything. Do you understand the MB basic concepts?

I have not read a single word from you about any good qualities your husband has either. The way you describe him, I have no idea why you want to stay married to him if he is so horrible and creepy. I agree with Melody that you should not fight the divorce if that is what he has decided. As Melody already pointed out, you have not taken responsibility for your affair. This may be a case of too little too late.

Welcome to MB

Have you told your affair partners wife?
If not, you should tell her and apologize.

My husband has many amazing qualities, he is brilliant, a good provider, and used to be a kind man until he found out about affair. Now he is very angry, bitter and resentful.

As far as JC, I have offered to get another job closer to BH job so I won't be triggered constantly, I even interviewed for a few jobs, but nothing has come of it. Now he is not even interested when I tell him I will get a closer job. I have worked to meet BH needs more so lately, but again he is not interested.

I did text husband tonite to tell him I know the affair was my fault and that I have poor boundaries and he was grateful to hear this. I also asked him if we could learn to meet each others needs and stop hurting each other. And I suggested we work with Steve Harley, but BH did not answer about the needs or Steve Harley.

I think this might be too little too late.

No, I did not tell OM wife, she was in her own affair at the time and is going to be marrying her AP from what I last heard.

Well, you may have heard wrong.
When my wife was having her affair she told me that OM wife was cruel and a lesbian...well it was a lie.

You should own up to your behavior and write a letter of apology to the woman.

JC isn't a tit for tat type deal. You should try to find another job anyways. Whether your BH expresses so or not. As for OM wife you should let her know even if you "heard" she was in an affair this is an passive attempt to protect OM from the consequences of his affair with you and trust me your BH ses it that way as well. That woman has the right to know her husband cannot be trusted around the opposite sex as your affair is proof of that.

Also please stop the "woe is me act" and show a little empathy for your BH. No one made you have an affair, temptation reared its ugly head and your as an adult made that choice.

The lack of empathy shown here is breathtaking.

I understand that I chose to have an affair, no one made me do it.

And the harm it has caused my husband is severe.

I had a session with Steve Harley this morning, and he is helping me realize this is all my doing. I am taking responsibility for my actions.

Please continue to consult with Steve. Your on the right trail.

Have you seen this?
What is Just Compensation?