Did your husband post here?

No he hasn't posted here. I am going to ask him to speak with Steve Harley before proceeding with divorce. Hopefully he will agree.

Thanks for the JC link, I will check it out after work today.

You're welcome.


When you get a chance listen to the clips also. Let us know what you think.

Hubby has agreed to speak with Steve!!!! Happily surprised here!!!

I have been listening to the JC clips and reading some of the articles.

So JC seems to be creating extraordinary precautions, eliminating conditions that led to affair, and creating a romantic relationship to meet emotional needs of husband.

Is this correct?

Yes Ma'am! Here is one of Dr Harley's articles about just compensation: Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

When will you two be talking to Steve?

Early Monday, BH will go first then I will follow up with Steve.

I told BH if he doesn't like the program that Steve is offering, then we can proceed with divorce.

I think the MB program is the only thing that could save us now.

Neither one of us wants to be anywhere near the marriage that is now in place or even the pre-affair marriage. I want an intimate connected marriage, not the old pre-affair disconnected marriage we had for many years.

I have always heard good things about Steve and his sister.

Steve has been very helpful for me, hopefully he can help my sweet BH too.

What did he tell you?

BH had a nice talk with Steve, but is once again insisting on divorce.

I told him I would implement boundaries and precautions and am taking responsibility for the affair.

I also told him I feel our marriage is worth giving the marriage builders plan a real chance to help us create a safe honest romantic love marriage.

BH says he is still considering what Steve told him but that he feels we are on two different paths at this time and wants to file for divorce so the pain will end.

I think I should stop contacting him, as I have begged and pleaded for 9 months now and it hasn't worked.

Very sad here but it was my own actions that ruined this marriage.

Where are you at in the divorce proceedings?

I also think BH may secretly be planning to date someone else, although he claims he wants to be alone.

I know he looks at porn almost everyday and saved some skanky photos on his computer. The photos were texted to his phone a few months ago.

Should I confront him about the photos or just let him go so he can find peace with someone new?

No papers have been filed yet, but we have each spoken with separate attorneys as well as one joint meeting with a mediator. Steve was my final hope and he did a great job but BH has been done since last October.