HM, good for you for getting to a meeting! Have you stopped drinking? Have you removed all the alcohol from your house?

One good way to get a sponsor is to call the AA hotline and ask them to assign you and your husband sponsors. You really need to do this.

Anything new on the moving front?

Good job for going to the meeting.

Do take ML's advice and go to the source of the organisation so you can access the best advice. I hope Sunday works out well too but you can't relay on luck. This isn't like dress shopping, where you can always try next again next weekend. You can't even start recovery until this is done.

I'm so glad to hear you went to a meeting but you have to seriously hunt down the help you need with a sense of urgency.

As far as AA, we are taking it one day at a time. We have not stopped drinking but have cut down significantly. I know that won't satisfy most of you but we are taking it one day at a time.

Yesterday was a bad day for me emotionally. For the first time I became angry! Not sad, not humiliated, not hopeless, ANGRY! I left for a while, parked and cried. I think the reality of this had just set in. I had been making excuses for him, blamed it on the alcohol and her intential manipulation of us both...but the reality of it is that he DID IT! He could have said NO. He could have stopped it at anytime. They went to bars right at the corner..MY town! He spent my money on her! How do I forgive that...HOW?

When I came home I told him I may not be strong enough for this...he begged me to stay. I have never threatened to leave or not to forgive...the reality may have hit him too.

He has been honest when answering my question....maybe too honest. How do I get those visions and the txt messages I saw, out of my head...HOW?

I'm sorry but moving is not an option...right now! We are looking into our options though.

I gave him a list of several questions to answer in hopes that this will help him find the words to post. I hope he will...soon! We have family coming this afternoon and a meeting tonight. I hope he will find the time to make this a priority, I NEED it!

I am back on the road of forgiveness...for now anyway! I hope this road gets shorter and easier.

"One day at a time" is not supposed to be used as an excuse to not work the program, though. Step one is to stop drinking. You don't take one principle and use it to break another. The steps don't work until you stop drinking.

That is supposed to happen TODAY, not in the future. Like I mentioned earlier, an alcoholic always has plans "tomorrow" to stop drinking and go to AA. You are no different. IT is the BS talk of someone who is not serious about stopping.

The program does not work unless you work it, my friend. Step one is STOP DRINKING. You can't work the other steps until that happens. "Cutting down significantly" is bull**it talk that only means STILL DRINKING.

Try telling the AA people you are still drinking because you are taking it "one day at a time."



Don't say sorry to us! Say sorry to the woman in the mirror because you have doomed your marriage. It is not our marriage that will be killed, but yours!

HM, unfortunately, there is nothing we can do for you if you refuse to follow the steps. Your marriage can't make it unless you both sober up and move.

Having him post here is a waste of time given all these other obstacles, because your marriage won't make it.

HM, there is no need to continue posting unless it is to post about your plans to:

1. stop drinking [and I don't mean bull**it talk about taking it "one day at a time" or "cutting back" ]

2. move away

There is nothing we can do help you unless that happens because this is a hopeless cause otherwise. You need to take this seriously if you hope to save your marriage.

the 12 step program is amazing. get in there and get serious. working the steps will change your life.

STOP DRINKING NOW.

Ok then, until I can do those things......

HM, and you might find out that you are just one of those people who have to lose everything before they will quit drinking. Some people have to get tossed in jail, lose their homes, have car wrecks, before they will stop. For your sake I hope you are not a low bottom drunk who has to lose some more before she wakes up. You have almost lost your marriage, I hope you don't have to lose it all.

ML, no, not at all! As a matter of fact, at last nights meeting I said I was there to avoid those horror stories! I never really looked at myself as an alcoholic, but now I know! I do actually have some control...unlike my WS! I will do it! For him, for us!

Today, again, I am angry! I'm done for now, maybe for awhile. It's not my few beers after work...really...i just give up! Today, I hate him!

That's great! Did you stop drinking? And I would just point out that "beer" is alcohol. Recovering means stopping forever, not switching addictions.

If it's NOT them, then they don't matter and you can quit.

I could care less if all the alcohol in the world vanished overnight. If my spouse were an addict I would probably quit just because it wouldn't be a social thing done together any more. Wouldn't miss it for a millisecond. If I'd ever had the slightest doubt of my own control I would quit even faster still.

Heck I practically have quit simply because apple juice is nicer and better on the waistline.

If you feel entitled to keep the few beers and are SO intent on keeping the few beers - then they probably matter more than you want to admit.

BTW - a FEW beers? After work? Is that daily!!?

I'm back....sorry for my absence but I have been packing...yup PACKING! We MOVE TOMORROW!

We went to 3 AA meetings the first week and really enjoyed it. Sadly we have been too busy packing and cleaning and have not been able to attend sine...but we will! We were given the "Big Book" and we are reading it!

My WH and son left on a pre planned mini vacation so my daughter and I stayed behind to get things going around here. I am exhausted and stressed but excited too. We are all looking forward to a fresh, new, healthy beginning! Now I hope we can sell this house...and fast!

I have to get busy. Still a ton of stuff to do around here. More updates soon, I hope. Hugs!

Are you still stopping for a few beers several nights a week while pursuing the AA Meetings?

LTL

I am glad to hear you are moving! But have you stopped drinking? The meetings are not of much use if you are still drinking. In fact, if you come to meetings boozed up, most meetings will escort you OUT.

We have not stopped yet but we do not drink before a meeting! We have 2-3 beers a few nights a week...haven't been drunk or hungover in weeks. I know that isn't good enough but it's a start. Once we get semi settled and I get this house listed we will commit to quit...we really will! I am not superwomen...I honestly am doing the best I can with my life, right now. I am going through a ton of stuff. I know you understand and really want the best for me but right now this is all I can give. We WILL reward ourselves with sobriety!

I'm exhausted, scared, stressed and broke...you know!

HM, with all due respect, continuing to drink is not a "start," it is a STOP. The steps of AA don't work unless you work them. The first step is to stop drinking. One drink is too many for an alcoholic.


And tomorrow never comes with someone who is not serious. I truly hope you aren't going to be one of those low bottom drunks you see at some meetings.

Why can't the new house be alcohol free?? A new start in a new place not associated with the old neighbor, not associated with infidelity, not associated with alcohol?? I know it's gonna be hard but I also know many amazing people that have done before you.

Just stop.

I am glad to hear you found a place and are moving. What a huge undertaking and nice distraction. Mrs. W and I would love to see you guys again for an alcohol free event. We had a major project the last few weeks that is nearly wrapped up so we'll be more available soon.

Getting drunk is not the problem. DRINKING is the problem. One drink is too many because it just keeps the addiction triggered and eliminates any control you have. "2-3 beers" is a good thing to tell other people because it sounds so normal and cute to normal drinkers, but you and I both know its bull****. We always lie about how much we really do drink. Any self respecting alcoholic does not fool around with "2 or 3 beers" because that is a waste of alcohol.