She checked in on 8/20, so her checkout date is 9/16. Any checking out and getting drunk resets the 28/30 day requirement.

I forgot to mention - I passed on to my wife that when she finishes her 28 days and comes home, that I would insist on AA or Celebrate Recovery, and would like her to take antabuse to ensure if she did drink, it would not be a pleasant experience for her. She claimed that she had heard about that, and really liked the idea as an insurance policy. I would make sure I did it myself, liquid as you all recommended. And, the day she gets deathly sick is the day she has to go back into rehab.

That is great! Do you see how your actions convey true compassion? Even though her brain is anesthetized, she recognizes true compassion when she sees it. I will be forever grateful to my XH for forcing me - at the point of a gun - to stop drinking.


I would file for divorce so you are legally protected. You don't want to find yourself in a position where you have to leave your home and leave the kids in her care. Once you file for divorce and get legal protection in place, you can drag out the divorce while you see if she is going to sober up or not. If she straightens out for several months and takes the recovery program seriously, you can drop the divorce. It will give her something to work for.

As I recall your phone call with Dr. Harley, he felt that filing court actions to secure custody of your children was "too early" at this point.
However, he later said that he expected you had at a minimum "spoken with an attorney."

Since Harley is familiar with your case, I encourage you to email him prior to any court action.
Give him an update since your last phone call, tell him: My wife has stayed off the wagon and is in rehab again," Should I now file for custody of the children? I am concerned that she could leave rehab and run off with the kids or work to get me thrown out of the home."

One advantage you have is the older kids; they are able to see she is insane (hopefully) and not be as fragile as your youngest child.

Yes

You should speak to a attorney while she is away so you consider all the decisions you need to make while things are relatively calm and don't make decisions in haste...too much room for error. The attorney should be made aware of your wife's alcoholism and infidelity. Right now she is an unfit parent and your children need protection from her as much as you do.

Since you mentioned Dallas and that the rehab is in TX...that is why I asked if you live in TX. I live in TX and divorced in TX. There is no such thing as legal separation in TX. You can also cite adultery as fault in TX as well...and you have enough circumstantial evidence to likely support that claim.

Yes, we live in Texas. I have a photocopy of her love letter, I have the phone records showing 40+ hours of calls and ~2000 texts over 3-4 weeks, I have GPS records showing her visiting his bar, I have some recovered deleted texts, I have a direct text to me and her from OM, I have her confessions to her sister and friend, and I have my eyewitness account of seeing them together 2 times. Not sure if her counselor can testify too, as my wife told her everything before she told me.

Get to an attorney ASAP. You are in a position of strength so don't be quick to give that away.
WOW, you have a powerful case in your favor.
I am not advocating divorce, but some folks going through divorce would love to be in your position.

And you can also bring in evidence of her chronic alcoholism. That will be very relevant news in deciding child custody. You just need to make sure that you are out ahead of this and you and your children have full protection. She is very unpredictable and you don't want to get yourself in a defensive position with her.

Most (if not all) counties have a Standing Order that is issued upon filing a divorce petition...and it is a AWESOME thing to have. Both parties are put on notice to IMMEDIATELY act right. I have yet to see such Orders immediately issued in other states. Here is an example of the Standing Order (for Denton County):

http://dentoncounty.com/~/media/Corporate/DentonCounty/DCA/PDFs/DCSORCPCP.pdf

You will need to ask for exclusive use of the marital home to prevent her from entry...without that she could come and go as she pleases. There is also the option to get a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) when divorce is filed. I believe the TRO last for 14 days. If you think she may act crazy, you may want to speak to the attorney about this...for you and the children. Because of the language of the Standing Order, any funds that need to be moved for preservation should be moved before filing.

My attorney told me fault should always be cited for Day 1 of the Petition...he did not need to convince me of this lol . That was a ten second conversation. Fault does make a difference in divorce in TX. Seeking supervised visitation (assuming she will have some) is suggested in cases like yours. WW can not be trusted to act appropriately while the children are in her care. It is always easier/better to relax an order than it is to shore up an order once the initial orders are given so have what you need in there from the get go.

I will ck back later but also...in my decree my exWH is ORDERED to never allow any form of contact between two named OW and my children. So if your attorney tells you that can not happen...yes it can.

Sir,

How is everything going?

Update - wife left rehab early and found a way back home. I let her in on the grounds that she didn't drink, accept the house as a lockdown rehab for the rest of her prescribed time, attend AA, and be prescribed antabuse. She agreed to all terms. Lockdown home meant all cash, coins, checks, and credit cards were locked in a safe.

She made excuses for not making it to AA. She did go to the doctor to discuss antabuse, but the doctor did not feel comfortable prescribing, thinking my wife still had a strong chance of drinking - and too much drinking on antabuse could result in death - I validated this opinion by talking to the doctor.

My wife did good with the no drinking thing for about a week. Then, last week Thursday & Friday I noticed she was a little off, but she lied and I couldn't tell for sure. Saturday morning she admitted to having drank the previous 2 days - claiming 2x50ml singles each day. I asked her where she found the money, and she said she found some change in one of her purses. Saturday ended up the same way - and I saw a Redbox DVD rental, so figured out she had found a credit card. She fessed up on Sunday, and committed to check herself into rehab again. So, about 3 weeks sober, followed by 4 days drinking.

So, back to square 1... she has been in a lockdown detox place since Sunday, with likely release either tomorrow or Monday.

I went to visit on Monday, and had a list of commitments for her to agree to upon release:
1 - no alcohol, attend AA, take an anti-alcohol drug, and back to rehab on any slip up
2 - no more attempts to contact OM - and change cell # since OM was attempting contact again (blocked, but on the phone records)
3 - rebuild relationship following MB principles

She only read through #1, tossed the pages on a table, and went back to her room. She called me later and said she couldn't believe how controlling I was being. It was easy to see I was right in what I was asking her to commit to, so her outburst didn't affect me too much - just validated the fog is thick.

When she gets released, I will set the boundaries explained in the letter for her to return to the family. I am nearly done with this whole situation, and don't have much hope.

Here is #1 in my "controlling" letter:

1. Alcohol
There won't be any more drinking in our home. The worst moments in our marriage happened this year, and alcohol is a big reason. You have hurt yourself, me, our children, our friends.

After you are out of rehab, and physically detoxed, I want you to commit to 4 things:
- 2 weeks of nightly AA meetings - I will go with you - the Christ Church half a mile from home has meetings every night
- Get a temporary sponsor ASAP
- 2 months of Antabuse liquid administered by me every morning
- If you have even 1 drink during this time, you commit to go back to rehab and finish a 30 day program

I think you also need to file for divorce. You have become the babysitter for a chronic alcoholic and there is very little hope here. You need to file sooner rather than later because you are headed to divorce and as she sees you getting firmer in your boundaries, she will find new and creative ways to plunder your family money and ruin you financailly. She is also dangerous to your children. With her record of chronic alcoholism, you can easily get full custody with only supervised visitation.

How will you make her do this?

I can't make her go... I wanted her to commit to going if she screws up again. But, that will just be another nail in the coffin to our relationship, and I think I've already used too many nails.

Her commitment means nothing.... I agree you have already used too many nails. I am sorry, but you need to file for divorce. Protect yourself legally in every way.

Yes, this is the place I am at the moment. She didn't get fall-down drunk those days like before, but I am not trying to convince myself with blinding "silver linings" any more. I have had a consultation, but haven't started the divorce process yet.

Filing for divorce may be the only thing that wakes her up but you need to get a good fathers attorney so you maintain full custody of the children and possession of the home. And even if it doesn't wake her up, you will win, because you will be divorced. Filing for divorce is win/win.

So far, she still believes you will be available for her use and abuse. She only views you as a personal "resource" not a husband. It will shock the princess to learn that you aren't interested in staying married to a falling down drunk. It was the shock of my life and I have been sober for 29 years! Alcoholic women believe they are princesses whose husbands love and adore them too much to want to end the marriage. It is a huge shock to find out otherwise.

That is a good thing, becuase it is not the 20th drink that is the problem, BUT THE FIRST DRINK. The first drink is the engine, the last one is the caboose. When you are sitting on the railroad tracks it is the engine that kills you.

You are correct that you cant make her go and your actions prove to her that she can check out of rehab and always come home to you.