Is she considering moving in with the OM?

Yes she wants to move in with OM. She thinks that is her solution to how she is feeling towards me and what she misses.

That will actually kill the affair faster than anything. I know it will truly hurt you, but it will mean the fastest death of the affair because it will ruin the fantasy.

How long has the affair been going on now? How long have you been in plan A?

I told WW her feelings would just get worse moving in with OM. Affair has been going for 5-6 months with WW out of the marital house, 2-3 months while in Marital house.

I went back to plan A about 3 weeks ago after WW was showing signs of regret and missing what she once had. Otherwise contact was just swapping kids for last 4 months.

Don't tell her anything. I would not try to stop her because it will likely kill her affair. BUT, I would contact your attorney and get primary custody of the kids and get it added to your papers that the children are never to be around this scumbag. Your attorney will tell you it can't be done, so you will need to tell him to figure it out. Most of the folks here have that stipulation in their custody papers and almost every single one was told it couldn't be done.

How is your health holding up? Dr. Harley does recommend that betrayed husbands start thinking about Plan B after about 6 months because staying in this situation too long can be harmful to your health.

What is the situation with the OM and his wife? Does she know the affair is alive and well?

Melody,

From what FF wrote earlier, see his first post, about 2.5 to 3 years ago his WW was "communicating" with someone online, so this is very long term.

God Bless
Gamma

My health is good considering everything going on.

OMs divorce is final 2 days after mine.

OMs wife gladly left because she didn't want anything to do with him for the whole 15 years they were married. He got her pregnant when he was 28 and she was 21 and they got married because of it.

What is your financial and child custody agreement? Does your wife have a job? How will she support herself?

I took everything. I gave her $2000.00 toward another vehicle.

WW had to get a fulltime job that she is stressed about.

50/50 on placement

Try to get primary custody, not 50/50.

Can you get primary custody? And I would definitely get it put in your papers that your children never be exposed to her affair partner. He is an unfit adult.

Because of your actions/lack of action, you have put custody at 50/50.
You should be seeking full custody and the exclusion of opposite sex visitors. Force your attorney or get a new one, this is common practice.

Is it possible in a no fault state to get full custody and to keep kids away from OM?

We have many who have kept their children away from OP's in no fault states. But I don't understand how your wife can get 50/50 if she doesn't have a home? What does your lawyer say about this?

It is Impossible if you do not try.

LTL

Not sure if I'm supposed to do a recap? But divorce was final today. My WW is still living with the OM, but she keeps telling me she misses us. 3 days ago one of my daughters kept saying "I wish mommy would just move in with us" breaks my heart. I told my WW what she said and WW said "If only it was that easy" she says things have gone to far and to much mud slinging has happened for anything to work. She's worried about what other people think. She says she is torn and confused and wishes she could talk to someone who is unbiased about us. This is driving me crazy. I think she feels she is trapped. I'm trying to convince her to talk to someone with me.

ffordman, I would strongly suggest you go into Plan B. Your wife is not serious about coming back. She doesn't need to talk to someone. She just wants to keep you around to meet the needs not met by the OM.

Your very best bet would be to go into a pitch black Plan B. You would benefit in many different ways. First off, with you out of the picture, the onus will fall on the OM to meet all of her needs. He is a rat who will never do a good job. That will cause conflict in the affair and give her more motivation to come back.. But it is clear right now she is not serious or she would be back. Nothing is stopping her.

The second good outcome is that, if she doesn't come back, you would be emotionally detached from her and could move on with you life. But hanging around hoping for something to happen that is not going to happen is just going to make you sick and wear you down emotionally and physcially when you could be using that time to heal up and meet someone new.

Sorry to hear about your divorce.