|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Hey, I want to consult with MelodyLane...how does one do that?!
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Hey, I want to consult with MelodyLane...how does one do that?! You can notify the MODS and ask them to send her your email address.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hey, I want to consult with MelodyLane...how does one do that?! PW, the posters here are giving you great advice and I assure you I could do no better since all the advice we give comes from Dr Harley. I don't consult with anyone off board. In this case, I am just helping jwpurple's IM navigate some difficult emails from her H.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I am in need of some encouragement today. I have been feeling pretty hopeless since WH sent the message about divorce. I am worried that I will not be able to save my marriage and will be doomed to lonliness or a second marriage with low statistical chance of working. Can you veterans please tell me that you have seen waywards like mine come back? Or that you have seen BSs survive this and go on to be happy and fulfilled?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 208
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 208 |
jkwpurple, just letting you know I'm pulling for you. I'll be keeping you in my prayers, as I do with others on the forum. I'm going through some pretty dark days myself. I just have to think that at some point there will be better days ahead for us betrayed spouses. This situation can't last forever. At some point there will be happiness again - whether it is reconciliation with our wayward spouses or perhaps a new life, who knows.
DDay - July 25, 2013
DDay #2 - January 27, 2014
DDay #3 - June 29, 2014
BS - Me, 39
WW - Her, 36
5 kids
Married 17 yrs.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I am in need of some encouragement today. I have been feeling pretty hopeless since WH sent the message about divorce. I am worried that I will not be able to save my marriage and will be doomed to lonliness or a second marriage with low statistical chance of working. Can you veterans please tell me that you have seen waywards like mine come back? Or that you have seen BSs survive this and go on to be happy and fulfilled? jw, I have seen both outcomes. We have many people over the years who are divorced and are very, very happy. I know it is distressing, but I want to assure you that you will be fine in the future. Your husbands comments about divorce [and I have seen them] does not make me hopeless in the least. He is looking for a fast, quickie divorce so he can facilitate his affair. All you have to do is not cooperate and make it extremely difficult for him. He is going to get a HUGE WAKE UP call when he consults a lawyer and sees he is a major disadvantage. The only way he can succeed in his divorce plan is if you help him. I view the divorce talk as just part of the process and don't believe for a minute that it makes your situation hopeless. Hang in there!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
Pius, I'm so sorry to hear you're in the same situation. And you're right, of course. Things can only get better.
Melody, thank you for saying that. I really appreciate the encouragement and the fact that you still see hope for my marriage.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
What a day. My IM let WH know that if he wanted me to rearrange my schedule so he could take the kids at 11 on Fridays rather than 9:30, he would need to let me know why. He didn't respond to her at all. She sent him that same message twice then a third time letting him know that if she hadn't heard from him by 10:00 last night then I would assume he'd pick them up at 9:30 and if he was more than 30 minutes late he forfeited the visit. No response whatsoever. I had the kids ready at 9:30. At 10:15 I loaded the kids up and took them to the science center for the day. My 4yo was still asking to go to his dad's at bedtime. Sigh.
I never ever would have thought that he would hurt his kids to spite anyone. I never would have thought that he would not show up for them.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
Ok, he did show up...at 11 like he wanted even though he had been told that if he wasn't there by 10 he forfeited the visit. He told my IM that h would be able to do 9:30 again soon,but for now has a conflict and wants to know if he can pick them up at 11 until he gets it resolved. He still refuses to say why he needs this accommodation from me.
I told my IM nope, not without a reason. Now, WH is sure that all of this is coming from my IM and she is "not neutral"- she thinks I may need to find a new IM so he won't have this to hold over me.
Who in the world is going to be neutral about this? I have no idea who I could ask that he would not think is against him.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Ok, he did show up...at 11 like he wanted even though he had been told that if he wasn't there by 10 he forfeited the visit. He told my IM that h would be able to do 9:30 again soon,but for now has a conflict and wants to know if he can pick them up at 11 until he gets it resolved. He still refuses to say why he needs this accommodation from me.
I told my IM nope, not without a reason. JW, I would not insist on getting the reason. Why die on that hill since it makes no difference?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I guess I'm just mad that he wants me to rearrange my schedule on a whim and won't give me any reason.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I don't want him to just say jump and expect me to unquestioningly say how high.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I have started this. How can I not follow through?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I guess I'm just mad that he wants me to rearrange my schedule on a whim and won't give me any reason. I would just make that point. Just have your IM say that it is very hard on you and the kids to make these constant changes. Say you would be willing to change to a regular time of XXX but you cannot continue to change the visitation on a whim. Also, is he getting DAILY visitation? That seems to be over the top because that puts you in daily contact. That is not typical at all, especially with a little baby. How often is he asking for visitation?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
No, his schedule is Tuesday evening he gets the older kids at 5pm and keeps them overnight. He picks the baby up at 9:30 on Wednesday morning, brings them all home at 2. Then Fridays 9:30-2.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No, his schedule is Tuesday evening he gets the older kids at 5pm and keeps them overnight. He picks the baby up at 9:30 on Wednesday morning, brings them all home at 2. Then Fridays 9:30-2. Ok, and he is wanting to change the 9:30 pick up to 11?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
What do advise about my IM? She is really concerned that WH is going to be more difficult just to spite her.
Last edited by jkwpurple; 01/17/15 12:01 PM. Reason: typo
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What do advise about my IM? She is really concerned that WH is going to be more difficult just to spite her. I wouldn't get too concerned about that. Most waywards are spiteful and I can help her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
No, his schedule is Tuesday evening he gets the older kids at 5pm and keeps them overnight. He picks the baby up at 9:30 on Wednesday morning, brings them all home at 2. Then Fridays 9:30-2. Ok, and he is wanting to change the 9:30 pick up to 11? Yes, he wants 11-4. I let him know that the baby can't do that schedule now, because it would span two feedings and would throw her (and me) off schedule for the rest of the day. I told him that he could be accommodated if he had a need to be, but he would have to respond or I would expect him at 9:30 as we had agreed. He did not respond to 3 such messages, then did not show up at 9:30.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
This morning he has said that he will be able to do 9:30 again soon but for now has a conflict, that he flat refuses to say what it is.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
335
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
