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Clinton,
You were advised to Plan B months ago.
That is what you should be doing.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Did you complete an anger management course?
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Joined: Jun 2011
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ok I will not diagnose her. just the shoe fit. continuing on. I had posted if you read up an few. i recived no feed back when i was looking for some insight. either way I continue to see my D4 every friday after work till sunday am.. I contact WW and call my D4 during the week. I feel i make suttle love deposits. WW came in the house last weekend plopped down on the couch explaing how my D4 was sick. then proceeded to call her work and try to get out of working stating she had to stay home with our sick daughter who then stayed with me. but during that unessasary lie telling i was not at all argumentative and caring. later on that sunday nite i had aranged to have my daughter for st patricks day dinner. and WW asked me to meet her at pet smart to pick up my daughter. WW got a new Husky puppy she showed me that morning when i arrived WW was outside with D4. no puppy..I asked D4 who was inside with the Puppy. D4 was hesitant but told me OM i asked no are you sure not mommies best friend female name.. D$ said uh uhh.. ok so she is inside with OM.. who WW claims she is not "with".. then D4 gets picked up dinner was fun. and i get a text. " i was not With OM" ok. well she goes onto say she dosent like being accused ect, i said i did not mention anything to you nor accuse you then she told me she was with her bFF female name. which D4 said she was not ect..i made no big issue of it nor did i really care at this point. so.. mabye that brings it into focus a bit?? I find your post very muddled. How are you doing generally? Eating and sleeping OK? Have you accessed anti depressants to help? Most people need them.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Mar 2012
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Why does any of this surprise you?
Of course she is a liar, all adulterers lie, and lie constantly.
She is still in an active affair(s), so her fog is still thick.
People that know what they are doing is wrong, will lie to everyone repeatedly.
If you are going for divorce, why are taking the compromise approach. Your attorney sounds weak, and doesnt want to do anything hard or controversial.
I would advise Plan B, you continue to have contact and that will drive you crazy.
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Joined: Oct 2014
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I'm eating again I have gained 10 lbs back. I have got past most of the charges she filed. and am going to counseling thru a VA program. its been helpful to discuss just current stuff. WW falsley accused me but obviouly the affair made me mad yes so i have been muttling thru that. I am primarily in plan B. I got my house back. its just me. im catching up on Bills. and i pick up D4 on fridays. WW and I are filing jointly and splitting it 50/50 hasnt happened yet. tax man told me if i file married single i may likley owe and would just lose money which just needs to go to heating the house while no one lived in it ect.
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You will get through this. At least your back in the house. One step at a time.
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nebDane: my attorney is my defense attorney and also dose diviorce law. he has been good thru the criminal charges but He has only listened to me and I explained the plan A and B ideals to him. nothing more on the divorce at this point. things have calmed quite a bit since i got the house back. we dont speak. except for D4 and finances. other than the recent chat stating she is not "with" OM. yet see was in pet smart with OM last sunday or so. yes Lies + Lies..ect. its ongoing. I question the viability of reconcile at this point.
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WW is coming around more. latley WW and I have had a few conversations as to getting back together. WW invited me to go see her aunt and uncle next weekend. WW has explained that her and OM had had sex but that she could count then on one hand. I feel there isn't total transparency with that current state of their relashionship. I'm told by WW several times she is not "with" OM or anyone else. I'm Leary to a false reconcille. last night WW picked up daughter after working a night shift. i gave her some dinner i had made and said good by WW motioned for a hug and i gave her one. this would be first contact in a long while between WW and I.
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Your wife is just speaking nonsense. Normal wayward lies.
Just continue plan A
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I have similar feeling to the current situation, as in many things still dont add up. More importantly what would I look for in an honest reconcille attemt? As well as when if at all should recovey counseling come into play?
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I have similar feeling to the current situation, as in many things still dont add up. More importantly what would I look for in an honest reconcille attemt? As well as when if at all should recovey counseling come into play? Reconciliation cant happen until her affair dies a natural death.
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Reconciliation cant happen until her affair dies a natural death. Yep, the affair has to die and your wife has to agree to the extraordinary precautions and plan of recovery outlined in Surviving an Affair.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Clintonior,
I just read your thread, and I agree it is unclear where you are, where you want to be. Have you put together an overall plan and posted it here so you can provide progress updates and get feedback (encouragement or 2x4's)? Having a plan and measuring your progress will help you to stay on target and moving.
Plan:
1) Plan B until WW agrees to EPs (plan B is all or nothing, noted on 4/2 above you are "primarily in plan B")
2) Eating plan
3) exercise plan
4) medical care and prescription plan
5) renew hobbies
6) practice/learn skills you will use if you go back to plan A
Stuff like that, let's go! Move!
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I have similar feeling to the current situation, as in many things still dont add up. More importantly what would I look for in an honest reconcille attemt? As well as when if at all should recovey counseling come into play? Clinton, The best advice I can give you is to be listening to Marriage Builders Radio every single day so you can learn what will need to be done in recovery. You will learn what to look for: willingness to follow the plan Dr. Harley lays out.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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