You can buy tester kits online but I don't know how freezing affects it.

Here Semen Detection Kits

Brainy can find and cite any source out there...including Semen Detection kits. Amazing.

Haha that probably is weird huh?

if i can afford that i will pay to have it typed i suppose. but my recorder recorded her meeting the OM yesterday ofcoure right after she mentioned to me that she cut off contact and would only be at work ect. she refered to me as "never know when psyco will come home" and was overly friendly in the conversation technically thats all i need to know its an emotional affair since she claims its only friends. i contacted a PI she said she could get photos of them together. but that still leaves it open to "friednship" so now the recorder is in WW car since they meet up her work schedule might prevent an occurence for a few days but i was surprised how well the olympus worked i will need one more. also I at one point whhen we were arguing before now she said if i want to make a messy divorce then tell her family more bulls&*t. I talked with a friend who thinks if i embarrass her to her family like you suggest she will not forgive me for that probably ever. is there any other way to expose her and have this stop i figure its very unlikley.

If you suspect she is in an EA, then she is. You know because you know...it's instinct. When I had suspicions, I let it go to long because my H gaslighted me, telling me they were just "friends" and I needed to stop being so ridiculous. By letting it go on like that for months, their bond got stronger and stronger. Their EA turned into more. All the while, my H told me he loved me! Now, we are going through divorce and his family is angry and blaming me for not exposing to them first. I didn't because of the same reasons you are giving. I suggest you do whatever you need to do to get the evidence and then to expose and break up the EA TODAY. If she wants the marriage to work, she will forgive you and understand in time. She will be furious in the short term, but you don't have much choice.

So you are going to listen to your friend who has absolutely zero experience in saving marriages? Is that right?

Please FOLLOW the advice you have been given.
Do not deviate or worry about offending the wayward.
The wayward is an addict, think of it in those terms.

i'm not in denial im clearly aware this is going on.and yes she has used the im controling and when we met i didnt like her drinking with her friends ect. I've alredy caught her in several lies. she sates its just a friendship i feel i need to prove its more. i got a good one on tape last nite but really dosent cover more than he brought her a tea that they both worked at 2 she wasnt allowing him to the house so met at boat ramp this after telling me yesterday that there was no more OM as it was strictly an at work contact. so yes thats another lie but its in her car now where i belive OM is usually driving her around in at times. so hopefully i will get full conversation which will either prove or disprove cheating ect. with any luck. im in the carrot stage gathering my stick i would say even though she is aware i have caught her in many lies and we have fought she has said she will move out and still be friends so i am not priority #1 anymore. where am i going with this well. i love her i hope to matain our marriage her parents are married 25+ and have been thru several of these is this what i want no not really but my parents have divorced sevral times each i see no point honestly. mabye thats standing but i have seen happy couples who have had their share of issues and will stand as long as i can, now I do not want to wait and allow for more to happen ect so im gathering as fast as i can hoping to get something tangible to blow this out of the water EXPOSURE.

Clinton,

All your words and actions are fear based. A perfect storm for OM to steal your wife from you. Stop playing their cat and mouse games with them. Its keeping them together. You are humoring them. Stop worrying about what your wife might think of you later or having blow them out of the water evidence to prove an affair. That's neurotic and weak. And you can't have a sit down discussion about your feelings and concerns nor argue your points with your WW. Sure you can continue to collect evidence but your energy needs to go into exposure to kill the affair. You are not a mouse. You are a bulldog. Got it? Self respect--- here you come. Stop dawdling. Get this guys paws off your wife today!

It's embarrassing to cat around with another man. It's not embarrassing to have a husband help you stop and ask for the help and support of others.

One thing I've found out about exposure is that people already know or suspect but can't do anything. With exposure they can.

well they she text me and asked if i was talking to his EX Jenn. i said no. i assume their together as he text me next i belive i did cat a mouse abit as i asked for this to stop i probably hummored them just like you say in fact i know i did. anyways i hope it was in her car so i have the interaction on tape mabye i will be able to use that to expose the affair. i said you both use classic affiar lies and the response was exactlly your an idiot. which is an issue. I will have to expose for what is worth as soon as i can.

i assume this will go very badly at first. i might need plan b as i dont want her to accuse me of any domestic stuff.

could we re discuss what appropriate exposure of this would be. I can lay out what i have but so far it bassically is me not ok with the friendship a dead horse at this point. i think if i have some new tape mabye it will be better for this?

Clinton,
I am sure I am not the only one who doesn't understand what you are doing or saying.

Use paragraphs.

Use full sentences.

Stick to one thought in each sentence.

Clinton: you are sounding like a mess. I'm sure your head is spinning and you came to the right place for help..here! Listen to what everyone here is telling you because we all went through all this and we know what is coming next. You have to stay as calm as you can and make a deliberate effort to blow up the affair in any way, shape or form. If this is just a "friendship" your wife wouldn't be so upset about ending it. That, in itself, is just cause because that means it has turned into an emotional affair (which is just as bad).

Oh Im a mess as I was totaly in love with my WW and actually never even thought WW would do this. I will say that I can see a way out now. Like I said I'm in the Carrot and Stick phase here. Maintaing and keeping a calm household. (less the text attacks) Mostly trying to gather info that will blow this up when Exposure is revealed (hopefully). I know she will bolt and possibly move in with the OM when the lid goes boom. WW is absolutly not willing to change or end this so. Plan B is a reality at this point.

Once you expose she will be furious, of course. She needs to leave her job with the OM anyway. Can you use your influence with her parents or siblings or friends...to try and explain to her that she needs to give her marriage the effort for the sake of her children? Can they tell her that you will make any necessary changes so you have a healthy happy marriage and can start fresh. She'll be too angry to talk to you, but is there someone else that can get through to her after exposure?

I feel there is her cousin. I'm not positive about her mother. WW Mother has already made the statement "she is her mothers daughter" and from what my WW wife has stated is there has been infidelity in their marriage sevral time possibly. Eluding to she will do what I did ect. Aunts & uncles perhaps. WW has stated WW loves her job and wont quit. WW did apply for a day time position which is how things got out of control perhaps. I feel WW working nights gave her to much time away and oportunity to drink and socialize which made me upset and pushed her away. I'm assuming cuz I wanted her to get a different job that she loves now came off as a threat. WW just beacame a nurse and this is important to her perhaps most important. WW and I have a fairly big age gap aswell.

Clinton,

Other than superficial discussion with your wife and blanket statements about wanting to establish a plan to recover your marriage---don't talk to your WW and scumbag and expose to them. They already know what they are doing. You are ridiculously humorous to them. Let go of your dream about the perfect exposure statement or photo or whatever you are waiting to get. You too already know what you are dealing with. You do not need your wife's validation. You do not need to worry about plan B. You do not need to worry about your wife's reaction. You need to expose.

so clarify expose please.