Yes Brain Hurts, I did listen to them so so helpful mabye I'll listen again. If WW does not attened this coming Wed. I will not continue with current counselor. But I also see on here alot of ppl using counselors in plan A.

I feel I need to establish my Plan A so as not to be a doormat. A feeling I'm starting to identify with.

My exposure didn't do so well, I was unclear on exactly how I was to do it. The exposure got botched. Now I need a consise firm plan A, Also where do I obtain a POJA? I havent found one yet on the site??

Then its off to plan B which I can elaborate my concerns so I may draft the letter correctly?. ect..

Plan A is full exposure to all friends and family, asking them to help you end the affair, eliminating your love busters, expressing your willingness to meet your wife's ENs once her affair is over.

For a man, Plan A can be up to six months, because a man's health does not usually suffer. You may need ADs to help if you are suffering depression, but a man can usually stay in a good Plan A for a long while, only going into Plan B if he starts to hate his wife or his health begins to suffer.

So plan to stay in Plan A for a while.

Most MCs have no idea how to counsel a couple in which one spouse is having an affair. It's very important to find MC who specializes in infidelity. This board usually discourages posters from the usual run-of-the-mill MC because of the lack of success. Does your counselor understand the fog and addiction of affairs?

New info: So WW and I have been doing dinner once a week usually tuesday before she runs of into the evening and does whatever.
Now since I Exposed her I asked "we were doing dinner nites before did that stop?" WW replied " when u thought being an [censored] was a good idea"

I should continue to try and maintain these dinners or let it go for abit? seems i constatnly lose ground with the exposure and my WW in the fog.

Oh did I mention she goes to the gym now. yep so if I ask where she is probably the gym now..

The counselor did agree that my WW appears to have an addictive personality and she agreed the affair would be addictive if her emotional needs were met.

I also discovered that i have over the years noticed my WW to be mabye a workaholic. I came across some info that suggest a workaholic can have their EN's met by working WW 40-80 hrs a week (supposedly not enough transparecny to belive 80) now with that it stated the marriage could be in horrible state but the workaholic will say they are happily married and couldnt love each other more.
which did occur on halloween my WW cleaned the house. invited college friends over that do not know or current situation. My WW proceed to tell her that we are super in love and will always be together forever. HELLO right in front of me. I smiled as i love to hear that and took me by surprise. i will say by the end of the night im sure she told the whole story as they hung back while friends H and I took kids around trick or treating.. sounds nuts dosent it.

Just focus on reading Surviving an Affair

NO. No. No.
Nobody on this forum told you to use a counselor.
I specifically told you not to attend your first meeting.
Counseling will not help you.
Reading Surviving an Affair and following the guidelines of Dr. Harley is your best hope.

That's complete nonsense.
I work long days and don't have many emotional needs met.

You need to stop reading about workaholics and find out where OM works and if he works with your wife.
You are wasting your time with these other websites and books you are reading.

SAA should be here in a few days I'll read it all. Communicating thru yes is at the house I'll read it tonight for some insight aswell

You haven't exposed to your friends and that is why she lies to them.
It's a shame because they could have encouraged her to end her affair but instead they are kept in the dark by you and her.

That book will not help you.
Why aren't you finding out where om works?
Did you call the company like I suggested and say you have an emergency phone call for OM?

Ive only met these two once mabye twice. I'm sure th reason she invited them to halloween is to put distance between me and her. and that they new nothing about current situation. she simply hung out with her friend once we went to the second location and chatted it up. while i was with the little one.

I have her employer looking into inappropriate behavior between om and my ww. She said she doesn't intend to include me in her plans and is moving out. So headed to plan b.

You didn't answer my questions.
Did you call ww employer and say its an emergency call for OM? If he works there then they would put him on the phone.
If not then they would say "That man does not work here."

Did you do this?

Am i wasting time writing to you? It seems like you are just doing your own plan.

Were past that now to much lb in a fight last nite. She want divorce and won't move out. Seems I can't legaly kick her out of we are married. Any advice on that she is a major procrastinator. She will add 2 weeks to anything. I was trying to get into plan b without lb but she took off yesterday i thought to boston for the day but was apparently wrong again aboit where she was. Anyway very doubtful anything left to save. Things have been said we likey both regret and not a lot of love left

So the dust has cleared a little. I probably still have an opurtunity to stay in Plan A. WW would rather stay than move 45 mins away to stay with her mother and father. I'm looking for advise. I perpetrated a Big LB via text Sunday Nite. Basically she brought up me trying to have a beer with OM as she was with him likely cat n mouse. I tought she went to a hotel in Boston which has a water park for kids. she seems to plan these play dates when OM has his kid/s.
turns out she was likley at his home said she was watching football but mentioned she might stay out and be home by 5am ish.

I lost it after the beer comment said hurtful things cause I was hurt obviously. stuff i shouldnt have said mostly LB's Ive been good to hold back so far till sunday.

its been mentioned that separation is more likley to lead to divorce. but Lbs are just a bad i assume. should i plan a or plan b. I think now im confused as to what course of action to take.

I also spoke to a lawyer who states a can not kick her out. but i can ask her to move out. I was told the laws in Mass prevent me from doing so I had just spent 90$ on new locks I wont be using from what i undestand.

POJA what is it? and how to make one?

Havent found any clear info on what a POJA is and how it should lay out recovery? any help would be great

There is an article by Dr Harley about it in the Articles section on this site. He also writes about it in every book that he's written - have you read any of his books? He also discusses it almost daily on the radio show and there are numerous threads about it in the forum Marriage Builders 101.

Have you not read the Basic Concepts?
A Brief Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Conceptssummary

POJA = Policy of Joint Agreement

I see my threads merged i was hoping not to do that. I know what it POJA stands for.

i want to know how to make one for plan B.

Jedi-Nikght I did confirm OM works at the same place as WW.