so my wife of 1 year started as a LPN 7 months ago. since i work days i come home and have our Daughter of 4years till i go to bed at 1115 when she gets home. my normal time was about 10pm. she goes in before i come home at about the 3 month period I mentioned how this wasnt working for me. and I didnt want to be selfish but could she please get a day job. no change she said she applied for some but i havent seen anything. for awhile we would still go out to dinner but she would text the whole time and say it was so and so from work. bassically we are not really able to make love deposit anymore as we spend no time . Then it got to the point she is working to avoid conflict about a month ago. one day my daughter mentioned Mommy and Craig had to get her batteries for her computer. I imidiatly text her and told her what our daughter said I she said jenna must be mistaken she meant Greg and susan that she told me about a play date. well we went to the Dominican republic for annivarsary for a week upon our return she slapped my hand on the escaletor and knocked my passport and ticket out of my hand falling onto the moving equipment came as a shock and panic for my ride home i got angy she said drop it i was ticked for about a minute. after that we have spiraled into a never ending disagreement. this has gone on all month. i appoligize she wont accecpt says my action speak louder than words and i have been getting jelous as we had a blow out one night and she said she called her friend Jenn to pick her up but that Jenn sent her husband Craig. Craig showed upto our house that nite and i asked who he was. i said you brought your botfriend here the one jenna mentioned that you said was greg? since then I have contacted her family which gets back to her for talking to her cousin and thats me digging and making her upset. her cousin said something about a call log next thing you know im checking her call log and she has been texting craig for months. like alot more than i wouldve even figured. now ive slipped into Jelousy and at this point i havent been able to control looking into matters pissing her off meanwhile she has gone out to drink with co workers but got drunk and stayed out till 600am. we took a small step and went to dinner all went well but that night she also went to a gay bar with her nurse friends and a gay nurse who bar tedns so thats the story that nite she told me all about what was happening and seemed fairly normal. next day wanted nothing to do with me on that day off. she went out told me not to bother her. and next day my daugter told me she was with craig momoy her and his son hunter and that Jenn and the girl were not there again told my wife she said i putting words into my daughters mouth when i simply asked what did you do with mommy yesterday. got even worse for us now were practically separating she wont give up her job or this guy craig shes adimate is just a friendship. he has a restraining order that his wife got has been separated for a year and was fired from the police force in the town he lived in over the incident. i contacted the wife via facebook and her father called me and told me that i told amanda he said he hates craig that he has anger issues and the he would help if he could. she said it dosent add up and called me crazy for looking into it. what to do know this marrige is over and i can not accecpt Craig as her friend only. she texts him all nite at this point

First off...Calm down. You are not crazy or inappropriately jealous. Your wife is having an affair. You know it, we know it and she certainly knows it.

Take a moment to read up on as much information here as you can. Don't talk to your wife about this information as she is beyond logic and reason right now.

First step...obtaining indisputable evidence of the affair.

There is a whole operation investigate sub-forum on how to snoop on your wife. I know that doing this feels kind of icky but this is your life and you deserve the truth about your life and family and second, your wife is lost right now and although you already likely have the right to divorce her for adultery, she needs your help and you can't help her while she's lying to you and not able to even discuss the truth.

I found that using a voice activated digital recorder hidden in my wife's car and another one in the house where she had most of her clandestine telephone calls as the quickest and easiest way to document that OM was more than "just a friend". You don't have to have this "proof" to know what's going on but sometime further exposure to others requires insurmountable proof such that they can no longer use the "we're just friends" lie.

Another good tool is the GPS device on the car (or software on her phone). Using that you likely could prove she never went to any gay bar but instead was parked at a motel or OM's apartment all night. The gay bar wayward ruse is such a tired excuse....they always think they can gaslight you saying "You are so controlling and jealous even thinking I'm having an affair with men at the Gay bar". It's so transparent.

Second step - I'm a little confused by your story and maybe OM is separated and you've already spoke to his wife, Jen but if not, I don't even think you should wait for the recording device to do this....call your wife's friend, Jenn and let her know "craig" is having an affair with your wife so she can start busting things up on her side of the street.


Third step - without forewarning your wife (really stop talking to her about this ... she is NOT going to tell you the truth so by asking her about her affair you are just bugging her and making her be more careful) and without threatening her or OM whatsoever. ..... EXPOSE their documented affair at the hospital. Affairs are rampant in hospitals. Some hospitals care and others don't but if he is a doctor or her superior in any way they really worry about lawsuits. They may fire someone if fraternizing is against their employee conduct rules or just separate them at work. If they are close co-workers having them together is bad protocol.

Fourth step - Copy all your wife's and OM's facebook friend's name right now before they deactivate their accounts. Eventually you'll be exposing the affair to everyone you can through facebook NOT to be vindictive but rather to get help busting up the affair in the hopes that once it's over you'll get an opportunity to truly save your marriage.


Your kids are depending on you to fight for their family. I know angering your wife by exposing her adulterous behavior to the world seems counter-intuitive; however, it works. Your marriage can survive her anger. Your short marriage is unlikely to survive her continuing and deepening affair nor if she continues to work with the OM (even if they end it). The more aggressive you are fighting quickly to break them up the better your chances. If WW won't end it...you want OM to give up. OM may be divorcing anyway and he'll have a world of single women without kids and angry husband's to pursue. If you make your WW too much of a hassle for him....he'll walk away and dump her.


Last thing. Keep those recorders handy. Many WW's fight dirty for custody and when you refuse to just move out, roll over and take being an every other weekend day, they start making false accusations against you. They might punch themselves in the face and call the cops on you. File restraining orders, etc. Use a recording device in such situations to protect yourself and record the interactions with her when she's going nuts. You also need to consider that divorce is a distinct possibility in this circumstance and begin to document matters such that you can undertake the best fight for as much or all the custody of your child that you can. Do not move out voluntarily. Do not agree to let WW move out and take the child. Until a divorce is filed you each have 100% custody of the child all the time.

Be careful...Be smart...Be calm. YOU will make it. It'll be OK for you however this goes. Your wife is lost and hurting right now. We may be able to help you save her but not always. Sometimes they don't come back. We can help you either way.

Godspeed,

Mr. W

The OM is separated I was told by his WW father. I have a pre nup on the house she is ready to move out now but were going to seek counseling tuesday. she is going to get her own phone line possibly becasue i messed up talking to a friend last nite and wrong text the info to my wife which has caused bigger issues.
I also sort of shot off my guns already and she stated many times she has not cheated and is not that way that this is a friedship. but then if i accuse her of an emotional affair she says it is what it is, which isnt denial either way its a poisonus relashionship that will affect this marriage

Sir,

Do not go to the counseling.
Cancel it. It will do more harm than good.

seriously? she is willing to talk there though. she wont communicate well with me she trows this that and the other thing in my face and has been very dismmive i know shes in there somewhere but sisnce she works night im afraid alls ive been doing is making love bank wothdrawls via text and not having time with her to put em back. she has told she will not get/quit her job or get rid of friends ect. last nite. but she will commit to counseling

Yes, I am very serious.

The counseling will destroy your marriage.
They are not trained for counseling marriages with active affairs.
You cannot build your marriage until the affair is permanently ended. This is what you need to focus on.

Read the post from Mr. Wondering on your thread and he tells you what you need to focus on

Your entire focus needs to be on getting evidence of their affair and exposing it far and wide.

The counsellor will take a little bit of bad and add a whole lot worse.

They are particularly toxic in affair situations where the fault is not with the relationship: but the AFFAIR!!!

Expose it, end it, job done.

Stop letting the wayward trick a counsellor into telling you it's your fault.

Very lucrative for counsellors to take on a waywards bottomless pit of complaints. Not so great for you or the marriage.

i done the phone log i know something is up i know who he is there is an unproven rumor he is a cop. he was fired from a PD once and has a restraint order and pending divorce my wife also says its just a friendship however its still affecting our marriage. i know about where the om may live but nothing definate.

mabye i'll try the voice recorder but i will still goto the intake appt as we were going to try that route.
Ive alredy alerted her that i dont approve the call log the phone call from the father of the OM separated wife ect she is going to be more secure in what she does now anyways

Sir,

You will make a grave error in attending marriage counseling and not listening to the advice here

what if i dont mention the affair at all in the counseling session?

i cant cancel right now she is expecting it.

Sir, the affair IS THE PROBLEM!
It will be the elephant sitting in the room, as your wife complains that:
* You don't listen to her complaints
* You are disrespectful and rude at times
* You are controlling

How could you possibly not mention the elephant when it's sitting on you and killing you?

Most marriage counselors have no earthly idea how to help a couple whose spouse is having or has just finished an affair and can do much more harm than good.

The problem in your marriage right now is the affair. Nothing will get better until the affair is killed completely.

At least call up the MC and ask if they are experts in handling a marriage suffering from an affair. Most MC truly is a waste of time and money. Ask me how I know. (months and months of counseling still led to an unrecovered marriage, resentment, and a 2nd affair!)

I see your point. I am trying to regain some trust with her as she knows i have been digging into this. this person is a cop and she does also get very upset if i talk to her family this honestly may or may not be worth saving at this point i do still love her but this is a bit much after 5 years with her and 1 year of marriage. also if she does not change her work schedule i do not see how we could possibly imporve as not time spent to fill up the love bank which led to this in the first place.

You don't need to regain her trust.
SHE is the one having an affair.
The affair needs to die before anything else is done.

What does this mean? Was this an opposite sex 'friend'?

clintonior,

Please please understand that Dr. Harley is the very best at busting up the affair, and he is the very best at helping couples have a great mariage after the affair ends. (you can very well have a much better marriage after the affair ends)
...... In order to do this, you must take his advice. He has helped thousands of couples just like you.
I can help you figure out about the voice activated recorder. I can post later about this, or you can pm me and I will help as soon as I can.

Please please listen to the vets here, they can help you greatly. Please follow Dr. Harley's teachings, you will not regret it.

huh? ARe you joking? If you are having a heart attack do you go to the doctor and talk about the price of tea in China?

First off, counseling is useless and will likely ruin your chances at saving your marriage. But if you are going to go, why sit there and play pretend games about the problem?

Just tell her you have changed your mind.

So last nite I caused and issue with the other person I ended up talking to him they both say its only friends. that they met working. she semmed happier after we talked. he says we will not separate. i am not able to expose much more of this as he is a police office from what im being told. i may try the recorder ect but it will have to wait till after our intake appointment today I will try to focus on what has been exposed I agree this appears to be the only thing in the way of our marriage at this point.

The voice activate recorder helped me greatly in establishing the fact that my wife is no longer in her affair. (For me it is peace of mind)

I bought 2 Olympus recorders. (The $60 version)
You can get it at best buy or radio shack,
The guy at radio shack helped me set it to voice activated mode.
(That is a must)
You need to go to Walmart and get some velcrow.
(Soft end on the back of recorder)

Sir, you need to expose this adultery.
Contact the mans parents and ask them to tell their son to leave your wife alone.
Also contact the Commander of the Police Dept where they work and tell him that he is having an affair with your wife.

Since you refuse to follow the advice here and are proceeding with the counseling appointment, I will offer one more advice:

When you go to counseling, the only thing you should say is : "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair."

When she says it is not an affair, tell her : "I have evidence of your adultery and it devastates me."

Do NOT discuss anything else.
Can you do this?

I can but i dont have high hopes for that approach but its the elephant in the room. my feeble attempts have alredy caused her to withdraw at this point. there may be no real resolution to this event.

our fight has gone on for a month and a week and only now will she attend counseling with me.

all i have exposed is i know she has lied to me about this and she dosent acknowledge that or skips past it. and flips it to my actions as the problem.
all i have exposed to this point is she dosent know the OM wife. The OM has no girlfriend. They text each other way to much and comunicate call ect. I work days she is working nights I know she shops in the vicinty of his home area during the day. They both admit they met at work but dont work at the same place. she ia a nurse and he is a cop from another town with a pt pizza place job. pizza place job is only job confirmed also from what i can tell live above the pizza place. OM wife say Please be carful. she can not share more her father said to me there is a restraint order put on him he was fired from that local PD. they have been separated for a year. my wife is adamit she hasnt slept with him and that they are mutual friends with others from work. i dont have any real infidelity type info

Please listen to the clips in here.

Beware of Bad Counselors

Sir, her affair has caused her to withdraw.
Not your attempts to win her back.

Sir, you don't need pictures of them having sex to prove an affair.
It appears you are in serious denial and listening (and believing) your wife's lies.

Clintoninor,

You wrote, he was fired from that local PD

Why was he fired? I have noticed that there is a minority of police officers who abuse their position of respect to serial cheat. You may be able to make a request for his employment records if those records are public information in your state.

God Bless
Gamma

wow
some serious denial by you
some serious gaslighting by your wayward

Are you going to follow any of the advice given?

Seems like you are locked in fear, we have all been there before. Find your manhood and listen and USE the advice given here.

Clinton,

If you continue down the path you are headed, it is likely your WW will leave you.
She will likely interpret your actions as ...... My husband doesn't care enough to try to stop my affair.

Follow the advice given here by these vets. Many of them have been there, and it worked for them. Dr. Harley knows what he is doing.

I have made several unproductive attempts to end this. but i will grab a recorder tonight and try that approach. I will want 2 eventually one for the car and bedroom.

I recommend the Olympus. ($60 version)
You can get it at best buy or radio shack.
The guy at radio shack helped me set it up.
(You need to set it to voice activated mode)
You will need velcrow. You can get that at Wal mart.
Soft end on the back of the recorder, hard end on the surface where you will stick it.
Let me know if you have any questions.

I have the olympus. it set to VCVA do i want the high rec or low record for voice in the car?

I think you would really benefit from a PI in your situation. This guy clearly has quite the deep dark past. I'd guess this is not his first affair and he probably misused his position to cheat or commit domestic violence. Hire a PI who can get you both a background check and evidence of the A.

In the meantime, don't go to counselling because she will use that scenario to fight with you. She's all about gathering justifaction right now. Say no regretfully but that you'd love to take her out to dinner if she has time to talk. She will say no of course (which is actually good; she will fight over dinner too) but she will remember the offer.

My game plan would be:
1 Find evidence and a lot of smut on OM.
2 Expose WW and expose him, including his background to everyone and online i.e. cheaterville.
3 Step back while he and WW fight about all the stuff he didn't tell her and how her family is not going to accept him now.
4 Step back as OM realises he really doesn't have to put up with all of this for a piece of tail.
5 Show WW how loving and forgiving you can be, even in the face of the unmitigated fury she has tried to put you through during steps 3 and 4.
6 As affair collapses, watch WW realise she really might as well genuinely try with you as she now has few options.
7 Now in a position of power, you insist on a job change and full compliance with the MB recovery plan 'because I want you to feel as in love as I am'

It doesn't always work but we see this succeed again and again where other approaches have 100pc failure.

It's particularly effective with the scummier types of OM who have previous incidents of this type in their past.

Can you afford a PI?

Private Investigators

right now I dont think i could I may have to take credit of sorts on that one. I have a pair of panties she came home a swapped out one day with a coffe spill on the left side which if she was driving seems highly unlikley. i put em in the freezer.

You can buy tester kits online but I don't know how freezing affects it.

Here Semen Detection Kits

Brainy can find and cite any source out there...including Semen Detection kits. Amazing.

Haha that probably is weird huh?

if i can afford that i will pay to have it typed i suppose. but my recorder recorded her meeting the OM yesterday ofcoure right after she mentioned to me that she cut off contact and would only be at work ect. she refered to me as "never know when psyco will come home" and was overly friendly in the conversation technically thats all i need to know its an emotional affair since she claims its only friends. i contacted a PI she said she could get photos of them together. but that still leaves it open to "friednship" so now the recorder is in WW car since they meet up her work schedule might prevent an occurence for a few days but i was surprised how well the olympus worked i will need one more. also I at one point whhen we were arguing before now she said if i want to make a messy divorce then tell her family more bulls&*t. I talked with a friend who thinks if i embarrass her to her family like you suggest she will not forgive me for that probably ever. is there any other way to expose her and have this stop i figure its very unlikley.

If you suspect she is in an EA, then she is. You know because you know...it's instinct. When I had suspicions, I let it go to long because my H gaslighted me, telling me they were just "friends" and I needed to stop being so ridiculous. By letting it go on like that for months, their bond got stronger and stronger. Their EA turned into more. All the while, my H told me he loved me! Now, we are going through divorce and his family is angry and blaming me for not exposing to them first. I didn't because of the same reasons you are giving. I suggest you do whatever you need to do to get the evidence and then to expose and break up the EA TODAY. If she wants the marriage to work, she will forgive you and understand in time. She will be furious in the short term, but you don't have much choice.

So you are going to listen to your friend who has absolutely zero experience in saving marriages? Is that right?

Please FOLLOW the advice you have been given.
Do not deviate or worry about offending the wayward.
The wayward is an addict, think of it in those terms.

i'm not in denial im clearly aware this is going on.and yes she has used the im controling and when we met i didnt like her drinking with her friends ect. I've alredy caught her in several lies. she sates its just a friendship i feel i need to prove its more. i got a good one on tape last nite but really dosent cover more than he brought her a tea that they both worked at 2 she wasnt allowing him to the house so met at boat ramp this after telling me yesterday that there was no more OM as it was strictly an at work contact. so yes thats another lie but its in her car now where i belive OM is usually driving her around in at times. so hopefully i will get full conversation which will either prove or disprove cheating ect. with any luck. im in the carrot stage gathering my stick i would say even though she is aware i have caught her in many lies and we have fought she has said she will move out and still be friends so i am not priority #1 anymore. where am i going with this well. i love her i hope to matain our marriage her parents are married 25+ and have been thru several of these is this what i want no not really but my parents have divorced sevral times each i see no point honestly. mabye thats standing but i have seen happy couples who have had their share of issues and will stand as long as i can, now I do not want to wait and allow for more to happen ect so im gathering as fast as i can hoping to get something tangible to blow this out of the water EXPOSURE.

Clinton,

All your words and actions are fear based. A perfect storm for OM to steal your wife from you. Stop playing their cat and mouse games with them. Its keeping them together. You are humoring them. Stop worrying about what your wife might think of you later or having blow them out of the water evidence to prove an affair. That's neurotic and weak. And you can't have a sit down discussion about your feelings and concerns nor argue your points with your WW. Sure you can continue to collect evidence but your energy needs to go into exposure to kill the affair. You are not a mouse. You are a bulldog. Got it? Self respect--- here you come. Stop dawdling. Get this guys paws off your wife today!

It's embarrassing to cat around with another man. It's not embarrassing to have a husband help you stop and ask for the help and support of others.

One thing I've found out about exposure is that people already know or suspect but can't do anything. With exposure they can.

well they she text me and asked if i was talking to his EX Jenn. i said no. i assume their together as he text me next i belive i did cat a mouse abit as i asked for this to stop i probably hummored them just like you say in fact i know i did. anyways i hope it was in her car so i have the interaction on tape mabye i will be able to use that to expose the affair. i said you both use classic affiar lies and the response was exactlly your an idiot. which is an issue. I will have to expose for what is worth as soon as i can.

i assume this will go very badly at first. i might need plan b as i dont want her to accuse me of any domestic stuff.

could we re discuss what appropriate exposure of this would be. I can lay out what i have but so far it bassically is me not ok with the friendship a dead horse at this point. i think if i have some new tape mabye it will be better for this?

Clinton,
I am sure I am not the only one who doesn't understand what you are doing or saying.

Use paragraphs.

Use full sentences.

Stick to one thought in each sentence.

Clinton: you are sounding like a mess. I'm sure your head is spinning and you came to the right place for help..here! Listen to what everyone here is telling you because we all went through all this and we know what is coming next. You have to stay as calm as you can and make a deliberate effort to blow up the affair in any way, shape or form. If this is just a "friendship" your wife wouldn't be so upset about ending it. That, in itself, is just cause because that means it has turned into an emotional affair (which is just as bad).

Oh Im a mess as I was totaly in love with my WW and actually never even thought WW would do this. I will say that I can see a way out now. Like I said I'm in the Carrot and Stick phase here. Maintaing and keeping a calm household. (less the text attacks) Mostly trying to gather info that will blow this up when Exposure is revealed (hopefully). I know she will bolt and possibly move in with the OM when the lid goes boom. WW is absolutly not willing to change or end this so. Plan B is a reality at this point.

Once you expose she will be furious, of course. She needs to leave her job with the OM anyway. Can you use your influence with her parents or siblings or friends...to try and explain to her that she needs to give her marriage the effort for the sake of her children? Can they tell her that you will make any necessary changes so you have a healthy happy marriage and can start fresh. She'll be too angry to talk to you, but is there someone else that can get through to her after exposure?

I feel there is her cousin. I'm not positive about her mother. WW Mother has already made the statement "she is her mothers daughter" and from what my WW wife has stated is there has been infidelity in their marriage sevral time possibly. Eluding to she will do what I did ect. Aunts & uncles perhaps. WW has stated WW loves her job and wont quit. WW did apply for a day time position which is how things got out of control perhaps. I feel WW working nights gave her to much time away and oportunity to drink and socialize which made me upset and pushed her away. I'm assuming cuz I wanted her to get a different job that she loves now came off as a threat. WW just beacame a nurse and this is important to her perhaps most important. WW and I have a fairly big age gap aswell.

Clinton,

Other than superficial discussion with your wife and blanket statements about wanting to establish a plan to recover your marriage---don't talk to your WW and scumbag and expose to them. They already know what they are doing. You are ridiculously humorous to them. Let go of your dream about the perfect exposure statement or photo or whatever you are waiting to get. You too already know what you are dealing with. You do not need your wife's validation. You do not need to worry about plan B. You do not need to worry about your wife's reaction. You need to expose.

so clarify expose please.

You call important people in the lives of you, your wife and the other man's life and either speak to them personally to ask them for help in using their influence on your wife/the other man to make them stop their inappropriate relationship.

You do not tell them to retaliate, but to ask for their help in stopping the affair. You do all exposure at once. See
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566617

Your best help is to follow Melody Lane's thread which she has pulled from Dr Harley's guidelines. Do you have Dr Harely's book Surviving an Affair?

Also consider getting one on one coaching from Steve Harley or write to MB Radio. Its just that you seem to have an easy time tripping on your own 'hopes' rather than actually killing the affair.

I exposed the affair. WW says I've gone to far , wouldn't belive her is mad kicked me out at 130 she was talking to OM. Told me now she would go f OM since I accused her. At 330 I cam home and am on couch. I did the exposue via fb using the template. She is agreeing now it was an EA and wanted me to clarify to the 18ppl I sent it to it was an EA not affair. I did but called it equally as damaging to our marriage. So now what WW displays all predicted reactions???? Little more help?

I would contact important family members of her directly. Also, did you contact the family of OM? Did you follow the link to exposure 101 and hit the most important targets?

Do NOT leave your house.
Do NOT allow her to get you to change the story. If you did that, you lost your credibiliity. My goodness, be a man, dont let a addict tell you what to do.

Did you expose to all family, kids, relatives, other friends, neighbors, clergy, etc?

Yes I used fb and exposed to her close family friends and the om separted wife I included her which i thought I was supposed to she imideatly began reading it to the om and began damage control. Ww stated if I expose any further it will make it worse.

Clinton: You need to show your wife you are a leader. You need to show her you are doing whatever you need to do to save your marriage. Tell her you are right and she is wrong and that's why you need to take control. He has no respect for you right now. If she leaves you, and if she is furious with you....she will respect you.

I can do that. She has squased it pretty good all her family has not contacted me yet.

I am sorry to read that you "clarified" it was an EA to your exposure targets. Please don't placate your WS anymore at the expense of your credibility.

You shouldn't leave your home and and you shouldn't sleep on the couch.

Have you contacted her family yourself and asked them to contact her?

Have you exposed the affair to the OM's wife?

Did you expose to her mother? To whom did you expose this affair? And what did you tell them? I hope you didn't write the same gobbledy [censored] we see here.

You contacted the 18 people you exposed to and told them it was an emotional affair because she told you to?
Sir, you are being bullied by your wife.
Don't let her kick you out of your home!

Sir,
From this point forward use these sentences to communicate with your wife:

"I am willing to work with you to create a loving romantic marriage but you must first end your affair with OM"

Just repeat that over and over

I feel she is out with him tonight she has pulled damage control on her family.
This made her so she doesn't want to fix us says makes her want to run to hom. I don't think this will have the desired results with her. She constantly always has asked not to share our issues outside this marriage. Yes I do feel she may be bullying me she was supposed to move out but hasnt she has said this I a phase before. I'm going to play the carrot and stick and keep with your statement.

That is quite a contradiction coming from someone who has brought a third party into your marriage by engaging in an affair. If she wanted to 'keep things in the marriage' than she would be working with you on the marriage, not engaging in an affair.

Sir, can you answer these questions please.

i sent it to OM Wife her mom and close family and friends. she didnt mind the faimily but says the friends were to far. W is writting me a letter today to express how she is feeling aparently communicating via text is not easy for her anymore. I used the template here and modified it to suit this exposure. i have no idea if it will have any desired consiquence as best evidence i have is a recording of her being to friendly with the OM and then calling me a psyco in that convo i confirmed it with the phone log.

The cheating spouse does not get to set limits to exposure of their affair. Follow Dr. Harley's plan. It is tried and true. She is spitting mad. That means you are succeeding.

You didn't get to set limits on her relationship with OM, did you? Follow the MB plan for best results.

no I have not set a plan for Plan A. let me give you an example of yesterday. 6am i leave give WW a kiss on the forehead and say "have a good day".

I work 7-4

WW got called into work drops kid off for 830 at work for 930 am
worked till 11pm but said she had to stay till other nurse showed up.

i pick up daughter at 4 dance 430 picke her up at 530 go to dinner at moms. kido goes to bed 830 I goto bed at 930pm.

WW got in the house at 1136 eats something she bought at applebees suposedly yesterday.
goes to bed 12pm.

we have almost no working relashionship due to her nursing hours. sadly and im not wanting to be controling but her job doesnt meet either of our EN's or PN's. she also works with all the ppl she has been hanging out with to included suspected OM.

if i were to idealy set boundries it would include a day job. and NC with OM.

WW is very defensive about changing her job WW has applied for a day position within the CO. and is being considered for the position. thats as far as that goes so far.

I have kept the house clean. and friendly at this point. we are comunicating with out LB's for 2 days halloween was not so good. WW saw my family nad the exposure and how WW felt the behaved pissed WW off alot.

WW text she will be grocery shopping today and if i could make out a list of what i would need/want. she has not shopped for me since we went together over a month 1/2 ago.

WW also has been laying out my clothes for me.

I feel me not being jelous or LB and making small talk is having positve affects.

however no plan other than continue marriage counseling( which our counselor is focused on me and my issues and wont see WW till i am less emotional which i actually feel i am as im not LB'ing anymore so far. i have also stopped digging and looking at phone log as it makes me jelous i continue to assume she is with OM. i was told she took my daughter to the circus with friends and children and OM was there Sunday.

so I'm reading the buyers renters and freeloader's link. and seems me asking her to sacrifice her job is my taker and makes me a renter?? any tips?

You are confusing concepts. A renter is someone who is in a relationship until something better comes along. Your taker is acting to protect you and your marriage. That is a distinctly buyer reaction.

We all have a giver and a taker, and keeping those two in balance is essential for healthy relationships. Buyers do not deny their takers. Buyers work to keep both their giver and taker happy.

no I have not set a plan for Plan A. let me give you an example of yesterday. 6am i leave give WW a kiss on the forehead and say "have a good day".

I work 7-4

WW got called into work drops kid off for 830 at work for 930 am
worked till 11pm but said she had to stay till other nurse showed up.

i pick up daughter at 4 dance 430 picke her up at 530 go to dinner at moms. kido goes to bed 830 I goto bed at 930pm.

WW got in the house at 1136 eats something she bought at applebees suposedly yesterday.
goes to bed 12pm.

we have almost no working relashionship due to her nursing hours. sadly and im not wanting to be controling but her job doesnt meet either of our EN's or PN's. she also works with all the ppl she has been hanging out with to included suspected OM.

if i were to idealy set boundries it would include a day job. and NC with OM.

WW is very defensive about changing her job WW has applied for a day position within the CO. and is being considered for the position. thats as far as that goes so far.

I have kept the house clean. and friendly at this point. we are comunicating with out LB's for 2 days halloween was not so good. WW saw my family nad the exposure and how WW felt the behaved pissed WW off alot.

WW text she will be grocery shopping today and if i could make out a list of what i would need/want. she has not shopped for me since we went together over a month 1/2 ago.

WW also has been laying out my clothes for me.

I feel me not being jelous or LB and making small talk is having positve affects.

however no plan other than continue marriage counseling( which our counselor is focused on me and my issues and wont see WW till i am less emotional which i actually feel i am as im not LB'ing anymore so far. i have also stopped digging and looking at phone log as it makes me jelous i continue to assume she is with OM. i was told she took my daughter to the circus with friends and children and OM was there Sunday.

Sir you should be looking at her phone logs so you know if the affair is ongoing.
I dont think this counselor is helping you at all.
Quit the counseling and focus on Dr. Harley's methods in Surviving an Affair

so in plan A I'm the buyer. but the plan utilize me being the giver so eventually the taker will get ticked off.

see I know my WW gets jelous of me. when i ask what WW does or is doing, i get "were not together right now so dont ask". when she ask she where i was WW just keeps repeating the question via text.

I cracked and lied said i went out for a drink passified the situation i needed to utilize her jelousey didnt I?

I have checked the phone logs thats how i determined who WW was likey having the affair with. I know who it is and have exposed. she was furrious but only admits to possible EA. i stopped checking i know if i do it is still going on she is always texting and seems to be avoiding FB.
I am currently avoiding LB's and have gone plan A complacent inviting home clean home ect. I have moved from the couch to an upstairs bedroom.
\
now with her schedule and her claims to be avoiding me till i go to sleep. there is absolutley no transparency in our relashionship currently. we are seppareted acording to her at the suggestion of our counsellor and what she saw on grey's anotomy last week. mabye you saw it..

she has sworn up and down nothing sexual is going on and claims I know she isnt like that and is hard to get. well I know just how long that took me. and this has gone on much longer so i have no doubt there is enough love deposits for something like that to happen. i know i can do that in 3-4 hrs tops if so chose to.

this is complete nonsense.
STOP VISITING THAT COUNSELOR!

Have you listened to these?

no I cant at work I would have to try them from home i guess. they wouldnt open up for me. she is treating my PTDS and anger issues and jelousy. and not my ww.. yet till i can take care of me. perhaps she views us as to far gone idk. i see her tomorrow again. i have been able to stop LB's since my last visit. which i feel is a good thing. Im also reading "connecting thru yes"..

Have you read Surviving an Affair?

well at our first visit My WW was pissed off and stated she was moving out to her my counselor agreed maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea. now she has not moved out but my WW has stated were not friends right now and or we are not together or separated. she worte me a note expressing she thought we should take a break I asked so do you want an open marriage WW replied "nope im just having lots of affairs". i'm going to counseling to make sure im being level headed and not making a bigger deal other than her schedule, friends and recent displeasure in our marrige i will say i have been reading the giver and taker and i have asked her to do things that were sacrfices that she did not want to do and also have said no to things she wanted. but high maintenace stuff mabye either way i can see how long term we are having issues i didnt see coming.

jedi_night Yes I have read thru most of the links in surving an affair. I have made big errors already and am not completly on track for a sucessful exposere. I made many LB's prior talked to her busted her in lies and bassicaly dug into and got caught doing that she knows about my recorder and i slashed OM tire she busted me on that aswell. WW is no dummy. she asks me what i do expects answers or gets BS and will leave. i ask her and its a LB ect no reply just were not together. so my current approach is to look attractive again by letting this die down and small talk and plan A clean hose inviting home. before she was saying coming home was uncomfortable for her. not cool with me. so clearly i found MB a bit late now im trying to get on track. this is where im at i read the stuff till im blue in the face it dosent fit my situation very well. as im past keeping it together. I need to establish the reconsillation rules for plan A at some point with her. but to her the affair if i keep mentioning it is an LB at this point

The first part of Plan A is a widespread exposure of the Affair with a compassionate plea requesting support in steering her head out of her waywardness and support for your marrige.

At the same time, you do No Lovebusters.

BUT, exposing the Affair is NOT a Lovebuster!!!

Plan A without full exposure to everyone who could possibly offer support is Plan Doormat.

Only those who fight strategically with a strong backbone succeed.

No Doormats succeed.

LTL

Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of WW and I. As some of you know, WW has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with an man named OM who resides in College Hill area of Wor MA. He is also married/ separated and has young children. The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.
She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my WW, Please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. OM is who WW is having the affair with. OM was fired from Portsmouth State University Police force for sexual misconduct with students while abusing his role as Police officer to do so. OM has separated from his wife OMW of 6 months while she was pregnant with their second child.
OM verbally abused his wife during the infidelity incidents a Portsmouth State University leading to a fight which ultimately led to OMW filing a restraint order against OM. OM works at pizza shop in Wor MA.
I have had a few conversations with OMW Father DAD he has verified the info and I have recorded conversation of WW planning to meet OM at the boat ramp Thursday 23 Oct. I was told by WW the night before she told OM via phone call though she was out all night that they would not be seeing each other except at work. This was obviously not true.
I want to stay married to WW and love our family unit. Over the years WW and I have had to overcome much together to become a loving couple this I love most, but the affair must end.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WW to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support.

Warmest regards, H

ive posted my facebook exposure i did forget an important person OM sister who i found on fb he is from a catholic family. not sure if that means anything. i also included my WW which i found out was a big no no. so she repoted it as spam or abuse and fb shut it down. i would like to forward it to the sister so his family knows he is doing this however ww is extrealy untrusting of me and ready to move out and has said she hasnt had an affair but if i keep saying affair shell just go and meke it true, not exactly what id be ok with. i have absolutley no proof of a PA only that an EA is likley..

OK ... once you've snooped and you know there is an affair ... and your spouse refuses to end the affair relationship ... you will hear:

"It's only a friendship."
"You are too controling."
"I love you but I am not in love with you."
"You are too suspicious."
"You are crazy."
"Our marriage never worked."
"I've never been happy."
"Our marriage was a mistake from the start."

TIME for exposure.

WAT has a great exposure thread ... read it

Exposure is NOT to the 2 infidels ... they already know they are in an affair!

You expose to the other betrayed spouse first.

she has said all of this. i screwed up and exposed to her she pulled damage control. also the betrayed spouse is going for a divorce and wont assit me anymore on this.

Clintonior,
A true Catholic has huge problems with infidelity of any sort.