All done he is out. Plan b/d is underway

How are you feeling? Eating?

Felling relief, food not so good still. Going to work in 5 mins feeling anxious.

The lead boots feeling is inevitable but a better life has started for you now.

How did telling the younger kids go?

Just finished a run of 4 night shifts, didn't kill anyone and all patients were ok, proud of myself for managing that.

Plan B is as dark as can be and NC with soon to be WXH. Don't even know or care where he is.

Told the little kids, they broke up from school Friday so I can keep an eye on how they are processing this separation/divorce.

They were confused cause all they saw of us the past 3 years was UA time snd what I thought was a good marriage minus the fact that he was still cheating etc he was being a good husband.

I'm lonely and feel my walls are up. I don't want any man within a mile of me and feel resigned to being alone and unloved at least until the kids are old enough and have moved on to adulthood.

This sucks so badly.

Glad no one is dead!!!

Be kind to yourself, NB28. Your feelings are very normal but you won't always feel this way.

Hugs to you.

How are things? Where are you on the divorce?

Hey BH,

All is going ok, still in Dark plan B with no brakes at all. Not seen him or heard from him. His dad is doing a good job of bein IM. His dad is on my side and is very helpful. I am working Xmas nights so the kids will go to their grandparents where they will also see WH.

Saving up for divorce as I want it done right. Although I get legal advice through work I want the divorce to be handled privately. We have no assets so not worried about loosing anything financially.

Feel low most days because I lost the family unit that I worked so hard for but I rather have this than the lies and the betrayal.

Don't miss him but miss what he could have been had he manned up and been a decent husband.

Got insurance to safeguard the kids, got a confession letter about his behaviour while he was working (using company car to park in public and masturbate with his online women) that I will use should he involve my kids or do anything around my kids and other women. Other than that he can do what he likes as long as the kids are left out of it.

Don't know what else to do with myself at this point, just working all the time to escape the loneliness and pain. Been preyed upon by men at work who find out about my marriage situation so shut down and became a very private person where I keep to myself as not interested in anything but raising my kids in peace and not getting involved with anyone until they are at least adults.

Hey NB I saw this and hoped you would update your thread.

How did he end up with the kids and the house and everyone thinks he is charming? You exposed his affair correct? What happened?

This breaks my heart to hear NB28, and yes, like Brain Hurts I'm curious how it happened that he ended up with this kids?? But thank you for posting it. Makes me feel more assured to stay in a dark plan B.

This update is hard and I am ashamed...

Ok so here goes...

After being in plan B 3/4 months he descided to meet the conditions I set for recover, I didn�t believe him without actions. He did some actions and showed remorse. I agreed to give it 6 months and assess how I felt. So broke plan B... started dating. Put divorce on hold.
Needless to say that although he didn�t have more affairs he still had boundary issues and started to accuse me of being controlling again, he was so full of resentment and just no longer owning what he did but put it on me again (didn�t give him freedom, he wanted to walk away before the first affair but I wouldn�t let him... etc etc) I soon realised this was a no hope situation so separated again, this time I didn�t feel the need for plan B because I just lost all care for him. I would see him and he just looked different, he just wasn�t who I married and loved anymore.

While the divorce was in process I messed up. I went to my work Christmas party (December 2015)and got drunk, I don�t drink often so it does not take much for me to feel the effect. I got hit on by a colleague and I stupidly slept with him, up until that day I had only ever slept with my husband, he was my first and only regardless as to what else happened. The colleague was a nice gentle person, he was caring and not the typical male who peruses someone, my guard was down and I messed up. Although I had been separated now for 4 months and divorce was in process it�s still not something I would do, nor would want to do, work had been my sanctuary from all the marriage stuff and I messed it up big time as well as let my own morals go.

Like this wasn�t enough of a stupid thing to do. I didn�t even think of protection because my husband has had a vasectomy and it just wasn�t something I ever expected to do..... 6 weeks later nausea and familiar breast soreness alerted me to the fact that I may be pregnant, took a test and all hell broke loose.... I was pregnant by that one night.

I was humiliated at work, had to come off road duty and be in the admin office where everyone would realise what had happened as they knew I was divorcing my husband... the father of the baby was in shock too. He was kind and supportive but we really didn�t know each other well enough to be future parents together.

I considered an abortion, I went to 3 appointments and just couldn�t do it... I couldn�t justify ending a life when it had been as a result of my own stupidity... had I used protection and got pregnant I could justify it but i didn�t, this was on me.
My next option was adoption.... at 16 weeks pregnant I contacted the local services. Started the adoption counselling did everything they asked in order to convince them I was serious. They didn�t listen, they refused to find a family for the baby until he was 6 weeks old... as you can immagine that was horrible, I brought him home and up until he was two weeks old I was still begging them to find him a family. The UK adoption system is horrific for the person giving up the baby. They just don�t want you too and especially if you have a good job, Are older and have a healthy lifestyle. At two weeks old I loved him, I just couldn�t fight the services anymore and decided to make it work. He�s beautiful, he�s happy , he�s adored and has brought so much joy to me, his father and his siblings throughout all this mess.

With all this going on of course the ex played victim, he wanted and loved his wife, he was remorseful over his affairs, now he understands how I must have felt etc etc but I betrayed him by having a child with someone else.... so he was the victim...he fully took advantage of my mistake. These comments were made to friends and family of course never to me or even attempted to talk to me a part from tell me I am ruining the kids lives by having the baby, he offered to push me down the stairs to make me loose the baby as well as put stuff he researched on the net in my food so I would miscarry.

He just woldnt leave me alone... constant harassment to terminate the first 3 months then threats that I had to put baby up for adoption. His name was on the house so he could and would legally come and go as he pleased. It became too unbearable that and with the pending adoption I cracked...I moved out.

With maternity pay loss all I could afford was a one bedroom flat. He then went for custody of the kids quoting my mental health issues as a teenager (one suicide attempt at 17, 6mothns worth of post natal depression after first baby that resolved with simple meds and one serious suicide attempt after his first affair in 2008), his situation of working from home and my job involving shift work also didn�t help my case as well as not having any finances for lawyers while his mum and dad helped him financially with the lawyers.

He got the kids, he got the house (well not fully I still part own it but can�t divide it, sell it etc until the youngest child we have turns 18).

That�s it that�s my life now. I have the kids on my days off.. 3 nights per week and he has them the rest of the time...
I house share with the baby�s dad as it allowed me to rent a 4 bed property and has enough space for all the kids.
He has two daughters from a previous marriage... he can�t afford a 2 bedroom flat to accommodate the girls and I can�t afford a 3 bedroom house to accommodate the boys... sharing the house is equal to renting a one bed flat each separately and the baby has both his parent here so we share him between shifts and other children.

The kids all get along and I am more settled after that storm.
I still have one regret....not doing plan B earlier, not listening more to the advice and just enabling that man to do all that he did.

amac, I have followed your thread from the start, keep going.... your WS sounds as entitled as mine did and the trashy affair woman just made me scream.... I was going to put my baby up for adoption... if he ended up with someone like her I would have lost my mind.

Your WS just goes to wherever life is comfortable, he�s lazy, selfish and unfaithful to all.... if he wasn�t your husband would you associate with someone like that? Would you actively choose to be in contact with a person like that and anyone who supports/enables that behaviour? My guess that would be a no.... so consider that every time you are tempted to have contact with him or his family... do you even really want to?

Knowing him now.. you wouldn�t marry him the way he is, you wouldn�t date him knowing what he is now... so be grateful you got the best version of him (when you married him and when he was a faithful husband for x years) because whoever has him now will never have that... they will always have a man who�s a coward that cheated on and abandoned his family.

Thank you for you comments and update, NB28. I cried reading your update. I just kept thinking, how can humans be so awful? Thinking of your WH, the things he said to you during your pregnancy and taking your children and home. I am so sorry.

You are right, I would never associate with the kind of person WH is now. That is why I plan to never speak or see him again, as long as he continues to be this person. I am so much better off. I believe justice for me would be if he and OW ended up together, what a miserable life they would deservedly have.

We are the same age, we both, but you especially, are so young to have gone through all that you have. But I think better to happen now, while we are still young. There can still be a whole other fulfilling life for the both of us. I'm actually slightly jealous of you with your last DS, one child that your WH cannot touch. I would love to have another baby.

Oh my goodness NB! This story is so heartbreaking!! But I can see exactly how a serial WS would - and could - do this in order to twist everything around so that they preserve their SSL at all costs. It is eye-opening to see how real evil has played out in your life. And the stuff about no one else seeing what he is doing to you really hits home for me. He has managed to wrap everyone around his little finger, making you look like the bad guy in the process. That is deliberate, planned, strategic deceit and manipulation. No honest and open person can compete with techniques like that. It is shocking. I am so so sorry for what you and your kids have been through. But I do love Amac's comment above: "your last DS, a child that your WH cannot touch." The story is not over yet. Evil people do not live happy lives forever. Their decisions and actions will catch up with them at some point. I just hope that you will be able to ensure that your kids learn the right lessons about life, even if you are not with them every day.

NB what a heart breaking ordeal!

Have you been able to protect yourself from contact with your ex yet? As youve discovered it's not just about your feelings for him but th3 waywards intense desire to grind down his BS: his malicious harassment of you. I can't begin to imagine what the abortion pressure must have felt like. Please tell us he will not be harassing you any more.