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Joined: Apr 2012
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Rusty, you have been putting off exposure to OMW for ONE WEEK just since you started posting! Why?

You seem like a very bright, capable man who is not afraid to fight this A, so I am completely baffled by your fear of OMW.

Do you have some connection to OMW? Is there a reason that you haven't contacted her yet that you have failed to tell us?

Also, have you contacted your PI about getting info on the OM for exposure? I suggested this a couple days ago and others have suggested it since. Get this exposure done!

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Rusty Offline OP
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The OMW doesn't need exposure, she already knows.

Because I don't yet have the info that her PI got, I don't want to piss her off and lose access to it. And I need that as leverage for custody.

I will drive over to the OMW this weekend and try to talk to her about coordinating our efforts and getting her evidence. I will try to get OM's family contacts from her or the PI if I'm sure that I won't lose access to the evidence.

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Originally Posted by Rusty
Because I don't yet have the info that her PI got, I don't want to piss her off and lose access to it. And I need that as leverage for custody.

How can you gain access to any evidence she has if she never grants permission to release info that belongs to her via the PI? I don't understand this position of yours at all nor why you think she would be pissed off since she already knows about the affair dontknow What would she be pissed off about? No one is saying you have to tell her how you plan to use the evidence if that is what you are concerned about.

This didn't make sense a week ago and still doesn't.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by Rusty
Because I don't yet have the info that her PI got, I don't want to piss her off and lose access to it. And I need that as leverage for custody.

How can you gain access to any evidence she has if she never grants permission to release info that belongs to her via the PI? I don't understand this position of yours at all nor why you think she would be pissed off since she already knows about the affair dontknow What would she be pissed off about? No one is saying you have to tell her how you plan to use the evidence if that is what you are concerned about.

This didn't make sense a week ago and still doesn't.

She can be pissed off if I outted her PI (which I think I already did) and if she doesn't want me going to his family. I really don't know what she's thinking, that's why I want to talk to her. I will try to do it this weekend and go from there.

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Originally Posted by Rusty
The OMW doesn't need exposure, she already knows

You don't know what the OMW knows since you have never talked to her.

How do you know about her hiring a PI and having evidence if you have never talked to her?

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Rusty: I don't know why you are depending on the PI. You have the address of the OM, right? Do you have his name? Why can't you do a background check yourself? There are plenty of agencies that can do this background check which will give you relatives names, addresses and phone numbers. I've been able to gather a lot more info than any PI can get, just by smart research.

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Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Rusty
The OMW doesn't need exposure, she already knows

You don't know what the OMW knows since you have never talked to her.

How do you know about her hiring a PI and having evidence if you have never talked to her?

I know this from the PI and her lawyer. But they haven't released the evidence to me.

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Originally Posted by wenang
Rusty: I don't know why you are depending on the PI. You have the address of the OM, right? Do you have his name? Why can't you do a background check yourself? There are plenty of agencies that can do this background check which will give you relatives names, addresses and phone numbers. I've been able to gather a lot more info than any PI can get, just by smart research.

I've tried this and haven't found much yet. I'll keep trying.

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I cannot understand why you haven't contacted the OM. I would have paid him a visit at his office a long, long time ago telling him to stay away from your wife.

I did this once, as in my mind it was a natural male response to protecting my territory. Maybe the 21st male has evolved past confrontation and finds more civil ways of dealing with one the most grievous acts of hostility one can encounter.



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Originally Posted by Justthe3ofus
I cannot understand why you haven't contacted the OM. I would have paid him a visit at his office a long, long time ago telling him to stay away from your wife.

I did this once, as in my mind it was a natural male response to protecting my territory. Maybe the 21st male has evolved past confrontation and finds more civil ways of dealing with one the most grievous acts of hostility one can encounter.

I'm not sure this would do anything. He's obviously not going to stay away just because I talked to him and he will probably claim that I threatened him. I don't want to give them anything that would paint me as violent for any future custody dispute.

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Sir,
Carry a voice recorder or bring a friend with you as a witness.

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Originally Posted by Rusty
Originally Posted by Justthe3ofus
I cannot understand why you haven't contacted the OM. I would have paid him a visit at his office a long, long time ago telling him to stay away from your wife.

I did this once, as in my mind it was a natural male response to protecting my territory. Maybe the 21st male has evolved past confrontation and finds more civil ways of dealing with one the most grievous acts of hostility one can encounter.

I'm not sure this would do anything. He's obviously not going to stay away just because I talked to him and he will probably claim that I threatened him. I don't want to give them anything that would paint me as violent for any future custody dispute.

Way to fight for your family, dude. SMH.

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I would suggest you watch High Noon.

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Dr. Harley recommends confronting the OM, and he would not recommend a tactic that would jeopardize custody.

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Rusty: Do you know where the man works? can you find out? this cannot be that difficult. you can talk to his neighbors too. someone will give you the info. Can you find out from his wife (discreetly, of course). Confront him at work. This way he won't be able to slam the door in your face.

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Have you listened to the clips in here?
"I encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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