Hi guys, i hope you can hear me out. Currently I am already legally married to my wife about 2 years back. We havent gone thru our customary wedding yet therefore we are not living together yet.

Recently, my wife drops a bombshell on me all of a sudden. She told me she was thinking about annulment or separation. I was devastated, few hours before we just went to tried on suits for our up coming wedding photo shoot. When she broke the news to me she seemed genuinely sad and confused. She was still tearing. I could feel it. She mentioned "She felt useless that she felt this way as I never cheated on her or do anything to harm her."

I began to read alot over the internet, it seems many of these cases do experience their spouse falling out of love suddenly. With my limited knowledge, it seems to point to 3 various signs.

1- Anxiety, getting the cold feet just before wedding. As our life are about to change forever. We will need to live by each other etc.

2- Affair, spouse getting swept off her feet causing her to rethink that her current relationship is what she really wants.

3- Resentment, getting resentful towards spouse as her expectations are not met all along.


With this 3 signs, i wanted to believe it was anxiety. But subsequent meet ups with her, she told me actually she has already felt this 2 years ago and she stayed on hoping she will find the feelings back again. The last straw for her was when she tried on the wedding gown and could not feel happy as a bride this was the point where she felt she couldnt hide anymore. Her responses was cold and calm this time. (my guess me probing further made her realize she hates me)

As I probe further, all points seem to be pointing towards resentment towards me. She thinks i am repulsive for reasons like:

- I have gain weight
- She hates me snoring
- taking too much cold water which might affect fertility which ultimately affects our chances of having kids

I tried to assure her this can be changed and does not need to take such a drastic measure for annulment.

Her attitude changed from the first time. I could see her being cold and angry towards me. As more meet ups i find more reasons she hating me (too many to list, even my mother wasnt spared). Things like happened in the past which she didnt voice out she bottled them up and press charges against me. I told her i didnt know those stuff were affecting her so badly, she should have voiced out and as a husband i will certainly do something about it. She entrusted her heart to me, i would really protect it if i knew...

She says she feel not being cherished and sees no future for the both of us. Not to mention we got our parents to meet up (which i think made it worst and was requested by her). During that night we met up, my mother was shocked to see her in this state which we never saw before (sweet vs bitter). She felt that she can no longer face my mother if we should continue. I believe showing her anger infront of everybody she felt that everyone will judge her, things cannot go back to once they were.

I would also like to add that we play an online game together. But ever since with work and me losing interest in the game I was not so active. There was once I saw her playing late into the night 3+am with a mutual guy friend. I was shocked and confronted her about it. She told me i was being too sensitive. I thought so and I let go of it. A few weeks after this incident she declared annulment, i begun to search for answer. This particular 3+am incident crawled back to my mind. To search for more evidence I secretly monitored her activity in the game. Truth to be told I always see both of them playing late into the night. When confronted again, she broke down in tears saying she had nothing to do with the guy just that the guy is helping her in the game. I felt she was so defensive when i brought this up despite i am her husband. I do not want to believe there is an affair on going but the dots are joining up and leading me to believe so. May I include during night where our parents met up, my mom did ask her if she had someone else in mind. She cried and flew into a rage. Saying why the whole world questions abt her faithfulness. My mother inlaw assured me that she has seeing no one else so did her brother. But i have this gut feeling they do not know the full story.


At our current state, she is very cold towards me and agreed to go for marriage counselling before making a decision. I can find myself trying to reach her but she is just angry right about everything known and unknown stuff. Some of her complains are really first time i heard of. Come on if you agree with me on something. You can't you go back on your words few years later and blame me for not understanding you better? This is the vibe i am getting now that everything i do is wrong and she can hurt others and get away with it. I do not feel she did reflect on herself truthfully.

As much as I want this relationship to continue, but to be truely happy both of us mus change for a better future and compromise. I am really afraid she will be just asking me to change and change. I get nothing in return.

I mentioned about cancelling the wedding banquet first as not to pressure her from making a decision. Her answer was let her think about it first. She said if i further press her for a decision she does have a conclusion if i want it right now (Well I know that must be the annulment.)

I still love her, but my patience and feelings are slowly wearing out. SHould i give in?

Welcome to MB. You're legally married, but living apart, correct? Where do you live?

You said you snooped. What snooping techniques did you use? Did you check her phone?

Is this OM married?

Your wife has all the signs of being in an affair.

Can you afford a PI?

She lives with her family. I live with my mom. She use to stay over at my place sometimes. We have an apartment which is going renovation currently.



I basically logged online to check her activity. She does not know of this. Nope i did not check her phone.


OM is not working therefore he has alot of time to play the game. Always online....





Will a PI help?

Is OM married?

Yes a PI can get you the goods in no time. If she's in an affair you must kill the affair first. So rule out the affair.

Private Investigators

Thanks for the swift reply. OM is not married...

You need to change this living situation pronto. You cannot have a marriage when you are living separately. You are not able to fill each other's needs and stay in love, and it also opens the door wide for affairs.

How soon can you change this living situation?

NOt so soon, we need to get pass customary before we can live together due to her mother in law wishes. Besides now that this has happened I am not sure if it can happen fast.

If you still have to fulfill a ceremony, did you even consumate the marriage yet? Otherwise, I would seriously consider cutting my losses and going for anullment.

yes we did consumate. She is still responding to me, but easily gets flared up.

When i say easy i really mean it.

Last weekend we had dinner with her and her cousin. The waitress gave us an menu. I commented it was kind of expensive. But her cousin said the food here is pretty good. So i decided to try it.

After eating, i felt it wasnt really that fantastic. But i kept those comments to myself.


In the same night after i sent my wife home, wife text me she is not trying to hide her feelings anymore. She was annoyed that i commented it was expensive despite not being close to her cousin. It made her feel embarrassed. (Just to add the place was a regular cafe not some posh place). It seems she thought i made that comment after her cousin said her food was not bad. And that can MAY cause her cousin to see me in a different light.

After i tried to reason with her, she didnt reply me anymore. Should i continue to contact her?

It seems that she never felt proud of me even to the point that I may even embarrassed her infront of her friends and family...

The only positive she actually voiced out her displeasure this time.

Should i go nc and let her sort her own thoughts?