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Sorry catwhit.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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catwhit Offline OP
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Update:

I suspected Taffy had been viewing porn, and asked him when the last time he'd viewed was. He said it was over a year ago, in accordance with his EP's.

Further snooping revealed that, in fact, he had picked up the habit again, viewing regularly, every few days, for the past month.

I confronted him; he did not deny it. He promised to stop immediately and for ever. I said it would now be his responsibility to prove to me each and every day that he is no longer viewing, by showing me the browser histories on his various devices daily. Any day where he fails to do this is a violation of his promise to me, and I won't stay in the marriage under that circumstance. Any erasure of browser history would be considered a violation, and I won't stay in the marriage.

He has agreed to quit porn, and so far, has been "clean". I understand he may have a difficult time with recovery from this habit, though.

I have written new EP's, which I am about to present to him. One will be that he post to the forum at least every second day. I believe he can get some help here as he goes through this. He has been a reluctant poster at best until now, and I don't feel this to be punitive, but instead provide him with some support.



Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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catwhit Offline OP
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We were working with SH, and he worked with Taffy to produce what SH called a "Weakness Protection Plan", wherein Taffy listed changes he would make/commit to in order to protect our marriage from his areas of weakness. Taffy included no viewing porn in his WPP, and that he would not compare me to other women. In my mind, the consequences were implied, but not stated.

In my sessions with SH, I asked when I should present Taffy w/ my list of EP's, and he said that the WPP would cover that.

In hindsight, I would not do this again; I would give Taffy my EP's list, which would be non-negotiable, and have consequences.

And that is what I will do this time.

This time, consequence of violation of EP's will be that I will not stay in the marriage.


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Good for you.

Make sure you close off any loopholes and maintain your personal/marital boundaries.

LTL

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catwhit Offline OP
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Gave Taffy the new EP's last night.

He agrees to comply.


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Originally Posted by catwhit
Gave Taffy the new EP's last night.

He agrees to comply.
How's it going?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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catwhit Offline OP
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by catwhit
Gave Taffy the new EP's last night.

He agrees to comply.
How's it going?

Jury's still out. He procrastinates on doing the EP's that are uncomfortable for him.

For example, in regards to posting on the open forum, he says he can't think of what to say.

He has yet to make an appointment for his STD and t-testing. He says he cannot think what to say to his doctor as to why he needs these tests.

This morning I reiterated to him that I am looking at his ACTIONS, not his words (which are loving affirmations.)







Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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I'm so sorry catwit. He understands the repercussions of what will happen, correct?

Are you ready for that?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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catwhit Offline OP
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Just back from a trip to UK to see MIL who is failing fast. LOTS of revelations; so many of Taffy's family are/were wayward. Already knew about his father, who left his mum and married OW. Didn't know MIL had an ongoing A with a married OM, which lasted for YEARS, and really only petered out due to her dementia. In fact, Taffy's yongest sister is likely OM's child.

Also learned Taffy's brother had an A with a co-worker a few years back, and that their marriage hasn't recovered. He actually asked for advice, knowing our sitch, and we sent him MB books.

Big shock for Taffy to see that he grew up in an atmosphere of waywardness. (Compared to my family, where I am not aware of any incidences of waywardness.)

I know it isn't genetic, but waywardness seems to follow family lines. Maybe because of a permissive attitude, and therefore sloppy boundaries?

Lots of triggers; we are both glad to get out of there!



Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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amazing to have such revelations after all of this time. It is good to read that you and Taffy are now having a positive influence on his family, great job sending the brother MB books!



DDays - six months of them
THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders.
We never knew that it could be this good! smile
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catwhit Offline OP
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Originally Posted by BlindSighted2013
amazing to have such revelations after all of this time. It is good to read that you and Taffy are now having a positive influence on his family, great job sending the brother MB books!

Thanks, BlindSighted... Yes, it was shocking for me to see how widespread affairs are. I have heard Dr. Harley say 60% of marriages are affected (infected?), but this brings it home.
Additionally, none of those marriages recovered. And today they are all either ended in divorce or are very unhappy.


Last edited by catwhit; 10/29/14 11:56 AM.

Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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