That's right. You are still married, and you must play the part until you are divorced.

Rusty, when you have completed exposure and you wait for your wife to exit the fog, you should still demonstrate that you love her and find ways to show that you care. That's Plan A. If you do, when she exits the fog, she may want to recover the marriage and give you just compensation, which will help you heal and overcome the deep resentment of this affair.

My wife and I did not recover our marriage just because she left her POSOM and decided to come home. It recovered because I demonstrated through actions over the 14 months of our separation and divorce that I was a good husband and father. I did not give up on her in spite of her affair. Plan A was hard for me because of my anger. Most days the best I could do was say nothing and avoid angry outbursts and disrespectful judgments. But there were those rare days where I would send her a message, write her a letter, or link to her a love song. She never responded, and I always felt the sting of rejection. My own 12 year old daughter told me to give it up. But I later learned that my efforts had an impact.

Plan A feels like farming without the harvest. But your actions actually yield a bounty. Even those who do not recover their marriages are glad they dedicated themselves to a complete Plan A. They become better future spouses and people through the process.

This is MarriageBuilders, and we stand strong for our marriages. And we are blessed for it. I hope you will commit to full Plan A.

But there were those rare days where I would send her a message, write her a letter, or link to her a love song.

Rusty,

You should also inform your WW that she should not expect good care for your children from the OM.

I don't know if a study was done measuring the increased incidence of child abuse by affair step parents, but some food for caution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect#Supportive_evidence

God Bless
Gamma

Rusty,

You should also inform your WW that she should not expect good care for your children from the OM.

I don't know if a study was done measuring the increased incidence of child abuse by affair step parents, but some food for caution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect#Supportive_evidence

God Bless
Gamma

She has her fantasy blinders on and would rather dig in her heels and defend the POSOM rather than see him for what he really is.

If she finds out on her own and thinks logically, that would be a good consideration, but what WW thinks logically?

How many times do we see a WW fall in slurve with a known druggie or con?

LTL

Well, all things considered, the OM is a highly accomplished professional, and not a druggie or a con artist. But I will certainly be very careful (who knows what sort of creep he can be, especially with little kids).

Well, all things considered, the OM is a highly accomplished professional, and not a druggie or a con artist.

No, all he is is a home wrecker. He is a villain and the enemy of your marriage and family. That is all that matters.

My exWh was highly accomplished...and a workaholic. If OM works a lot, at some point he will be neglecting WW. They are both smoking crack to think they can blend two families so easily. It will not happen. They are in lalaland. An affair is not even close to day-to-day reality.

I really hope you contact OMW. You could be missing the best opportunity you have to break up the affair even if you still decide to divorce. Even if she is a WS herself (and you don't know this for sure...could be spin), she could still slap your wife and make things very difficult for her and her WH. No woman appreciates another trying to act like their children's mother...especially a trampy one (even if being a hypocrite).

You previously said you would do what it takes to keep POSOM away from your children...contact OMW. This is LOOOONG overdue. You have no idea what she may be able to help you with since you have put off contacting her repeatedly. If it turns out to be a bust, then fine but at least you will know vs wondering about it.

In my divorce decree, it is ordered that POSOW 1 and 2 (yeah me) could not have any contact with my children in any way, shape or form. My WH had dumped both OW but that condition ensured me that neither OW was not going to be around my kids. I could have cared less what the APs were doing otherwise. Others have included stipulations in their papers about overnights while the children are in each parents possession; at least for the short term. Think about this...

I have to head out the door, but this is the language in my decree:


2. Other Parenting Plan Provisions
In addition to all other provisions for possession provided in this decree, the following is ORDERED:
1. Moral Clause - The parents agree and IT IS ORDERED that the parties are permanently enjoined and prohibited from allowing Whore #1 or Whore #2 around the children, subject of this suit, at any time or for any reason.


Their names have obviously been changed but otherwise that is the exact language. Their names were written with first, middle, maiden name, last name. I was almost going to put bdays and a picture of each as an exhibit but it was clear who I was talking about! LOL

[
Yes, I'm going to work on such a clause to keep him away from my kids until the divorce. I don't think she'll agree to it after the divorce at all -- after all, they're planning on getting married. I like the short term clause though, that may keep him away for a bit and make things difficult.

am working on contacting the OMW.

HAs she admitted her plan to marry the OM to others? Is she still in denial mode?

You can inflict massive DAMAGE into her plans by exposing to the OM's family. You can get this contact information from the OMW or from your PI. A good PI should be able to get this easily. But you can't afford to miss this opportunity to his parents and family.


Any progress??

I will try to get in touch with the OMW this weekend.

Putting off these exposures needlessly reduces the impact you can have on the affair. This is wasted opportunity for absolutely no good reason. Your PI can get the family names and contact info on the OM in half a day. You can just pick up the phone and call the OMW in 2 minutes. None of this is complicated or needs to be delayed.

I don't have OMW's phone number (The one that comes up is a fax). I will ask the PI. I am moving on this as fast as I can, but I have limited info into his side of things.