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OK, I've started trying to contact OM's W. My wife has responded much better after I had a 2 hour talk with her about her needing to decide if and what she wanted in our marriage. She is finally stepping up an researching/ reading how to fix our problems, up till now this was only me and me telling her what we needed to do.

Amazingly she told me that this site was very good and I should read it!!! Who knows, maybe OM is onto this also? I probably have too much specific info about what she told me happened that will hurt me in getting to the truth. Might be a matter of time before she reads my thread and figures out who it is. Irony is I was trying to point her here back in Nov, but did not because I knew it would just be another example of me controlling her.

Exposing affair. I'm thinking this through. It would be very damaging. W seems like she is finally on board, realizing that OM is a serial cheater and said everything she wanted to hear, got what he wanted then told her it would be better to go back to me because he was might get caught. Not ruling it out, but thinking I could do more damage discreetly, I have easy acces to and know probably 80% of his bussiness clients and friends since we work with all the same people.


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Originally Posted by Pole
OK, I've started trying to contact OM's W. My wife has responded much better after I had a 2 hour talk with her about her needing to decide if and what she wanted in our marriage. She is finally stepping up an researching/ reading how to fix our problems, up till now this was only me and me telling her what we needed to do.

Amazingly she told me that this site was very good and I should read it!!! Who knows, maybe OM is onto this also? I probably have too much specific info about what she told me happened that will hurt me in getting to the truth. Might be a matter of time before she reads my thread and figures out who it is. Irony is I was trying to point her here back in Nov, but did not because I knew it would just be another example of me controlling her.

Exposing affair. I'm thinking this through. It would be very damaging. W seems like she is finally on board, realizing that OM is a serial cheater and said everything she wanted to hear, got what he wanted then told her it would be better to go back to me because he was might get caught. Not ruling it out, but thinking I could do more damage discreetly, I have easy acces to and know probably 80% of his bussiness clients and friends since we work with all the same people.

So, have you decided to do nothing? That's ok if you do. I just want to point out that you are wasting our time if you won't take the advice. I don't come here to read people's blogs. This is not a blogging forum, but a step by step program that is designed to save marriages. Are you here to use this program?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Quote
OK, I've started trying to contact OM's W.

What exactly does this mean?

Originally Posted by Pole
Exposing affair. I'm thinking this through. It would be very damaging. W seems like she is finally on board, realizing that OM is a serial cheater and said everything she wanted to hear, got what he wanted then told her it would be better to go back to me because he was might get caught. Not ruling it out, but thinking I could do more damage discreetly, I have easy acces to and know probably 80% of his bussiness clients and friends since we work with all the same people.

What is damaging is your enabling. You have become an accessory to the crime and are only contributing to your own demise.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Oh boy, here we go again.

You IGNORED our advice when we told you there was an affair and to SNOOP. You "dismissed" suspicious texts because you want to sweep the "affair proofing" part of the plan under the rug.

That will BACKFIRE. You can try to convince us otherwise...but it won't work.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
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Blogging will not save your marriage. Following these steps WILL. If you refuse to take the advice, then please don't waste our valuable time.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Still doing it wrong.
Oh well good luck.


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OK talked to OM's W for over an hour today. Very nice lady, knows her husband has been cheating and has all kinds of evidence on past affairs. Goes to hookers and has more than one affair on the go at once. I told her pretty much everything I know. I told her I would do anything she wanted to help her. She said, you don't know how long I have been waiting for a call like this. Last big problem 2 years ago ended in OW and OW's husband thinking she was a crazy woman, OW and her husband denied everything in the end, apparently even convinced betrayed Husband of that also. OM came into my wifes workplace this AM as if nothing had happened and got coffee before any of this went down. OM's W called him after I spoke to her and told him she new what he had done, he denied everything, called my wife who told him I know everything, its all in texts. He said he would leave her and deny everything. My wife now understands who he is (a co-worker also told her more stories of what he has done around town in graphic and undeniable detail). My wife is angry with him for playing her and is helping to get details on the other rumors.

OM's wife is in a very bad place and I don't think she knows how to get out. She wants proof to confront him with and for him to confess, which I would understand if this was a first or 2cnd time, but it is obviously not, her whole life seems to revolve around tracking his where abouts and making sure he is not cheating again. She told her grown kids today that their dad something very bad, but does not want them to know the details. My wife apologized to her for hurting her and me.

I don't think exposing children to something my W regrets and is remorse full over will help, sorry. I know that you are all trying to help me, and I appreciate it, I think it is a very selfless act trying to genuinely help people. I am a little shocked with the one size fits all approach though. The only way I got the info I did was to snoop (very good advice, thank you) AND to win back her heart and work on the relationship, there was NO WAY she would have ever divulged the physical affair with a big stick and not enough info. It took a lot of re-assurances and convincing on my part to get her to trust me enough to tell me it was physical, I will not indiscriminately hurt her and destroy this trust at this point, or forever scar my adolescent children, despite how she totally destroyed my trust in her. I think it will do more damage than good. The OM's wife seems to be hung up on that is was physical as the unforgivable act, similarly, that is the portion that is especially painful for me.

Had the OM been a legitimately nice guy, I might think differently. There is no doubt this guy is a sleeze, and I know my wife now fully understands this. Not sure what his next move is, but I still have some things I can do to stop him from torturing my wife at work if thats what he has planned, because I happen to be fortunate enough to be well respected and known in the community. Wouldn't take much to tarnish his already terrible image. He told my wife at some point that he feared me and his wife would talk.

I do appreciate the time taken to try to help me. If you don't want me wasting your valuable time, tell me again and I will stop "bloggin" and seek help elsewhere.

Thanks.


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If you are not using the forum to implement this program, we are going to lock this thread. It is a distraction from our mission to come here and blog. If you are not going to follow the program there is no point in keeping it open.

Do you have a question for the posters on ways to implement first steps?


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Originally Posted by Pole
Had the OM been a legitimately nice guy
How can an OM be a "legitimately nice guy"?

What have you been smoking?


BW
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Pole,

You wrote, She said, you don't know how long I have been waiting for a call like this. Last big problem 2 years ago ended in OW and OW's husband thinking she was a crazy woman

Good work for the betterment of humanity, I know a woman who had to endure decades of such torture before someone had the guts and kindness to tell her the whole story.

About the exposure, you do know that this OM is a professional at seducing women and keeping them in psychological bondage to him. For that reason you need to tell your children so as you have to make sure your WW will never go back to OM. OM also needs to be exposed professionally.

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Your adolescent children would learn a valuable lesson, namely, that when their parents are not immune to affairs, so are they.
What I do not understand whatsoever is, why you would keep OM's deeds a secret in the community. Especially while you are so well respected. Letting this out in the open would not only help keep your wife and OM accountable, but would warn future victims of this sleezy man and would teach him, he cannot get away with such behaviour.

How many families do you think this man has wounded over the years? You could virtually put an end to that by letting people know him for the person he is. Until now, he has obviously experienced no ramifications that would lead him to stop his behaviour. In fact it has worked out really well for him. How much easier would your life have been if your wife had known up front what she knows now?

And by the way, she and you should get tested for every STD in the book, because this man sleeps around (obviously he does more than just sleep) like a rabbit.


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But by all means, help him by keeping his secret, so he can try again.


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OM's brother is a lawyer. He has been through this many times, his wife told me he will tie me up in court and sue me for slander if anything is put in writing. I am getting the affair story out to everyone who hires him I have access to and all of my wifes co-workers know. I am doing this all verbally.

Good point, if everyone knew, this may not have happened. Most of this town already knew of rumours. I did tell my wife on several occasions how much I disliked this man and why long before they got involved.

What really incenses me is the nerve this man has, he is actually angry at me and trying to intimidate me! I store him down at work the other day and really had to restrain myself from lashing out. I would like to beat the crap out of him and know I could.


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Originally Posted by Pole
OM's brother is a lawyer. He has been through this many times, his wife told me he will tie me up in court and sue me for slander if anything is put in writing. I am getting the affair story out to everyone who hires him I have access to and all of my wifes co-workers know. I am doing this all verbally.

Don't allow the OM to intimidate you. He can't ever win a slander suit if you just tell the truth. The truth is the defense in libel and slander. Almost every cheater threatens to sue, but it is not in their best interest to sue, because then all the truth will really come out. They always threaten but never follow through because it will hurt them, not you.

You need to stop being so fearful and easily intimidated.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Pole
OM's brother is a lawyer. He has been through this many times, his wife told me he will tie me up in court and sue me for slander if anything is put in writing. I am getting the affair story out to everyone who hires him I have access to and all of my wifes co-workers know. I am doing this all verbally.

Good point, if everyone knew, this may not have happened. Most of this town already knew of rumours. I did tell my wife on several occasions how much I disliked this man and why long before they got involved.

What really incenses me is the nerve this man has, he is actually angry at me and trying to intimidate me! I store him down at work the other day and really had to restrain myself from lashing out. I would like to beat the crap out of him and know I could.
Have you told your children about their mother's affair?


BW
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