SafetySuit,

You are in denial. Anytime he is trying to restrict access to any of his communications it is because he is hiding something. I thought the exact way you did. I thought it was MY FAULT for snooping and not trusting him...but he had started an emotional affair that then became a physical affair.

Listen: Even if he is "just talking to her"...he SHOULD NOT BE DOING THAT as a married man. That is hurtful to you. That shows he does not care about your feelings. Something is going on, whether or not is physical is sort of beside the point. He has left you, is not being honest with you, is carrying on a secret second life and does not care. The bottom line is that he is treating you as if you don't exist and as if your feelings don't matter. That is not a marriage.

Do not beg him to come back. Make clear your expectations in marriage. I am not sure if some of the more experienced posters would recommend Plan A for a few weeks or not, but if nothing changes within a month, you definitely would need to move into Plan B.

Write Dr. Harley and/or listen to Melody, Black_Raven, Jedi, Indie, etc. They know what they are talking about.

Do you know who it is he's talking to through Facebook?

Dr. Harley recommends BWs to only be in Plan A for 2-3 weeks. After a maximum of 3 weeks to go into Plan B, due to health concerns for the BW.

I know the girl I think he's talking to on Facebook. And he did reset his phone and said that's why he had to change passwords. I'm not denying that he could be doing it, but one of our problems is Me accusing him of things like this all the time.

You have a right to ask for information and reassurance.

My sbxH made me feel bad all the time about asking. It is a way to put you on the defensive. It is okay to ask and get information!! *That* is how trust is built. He doesn't just get it for free.

Is the girl married? Have you checked her Facebook?

Have you seen this?
The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage

Yes I have checked it. It says she is single. Funny because he told me she had a boyfriend about a month ago.

Another red flag.

Does he drop you off and keep the car? Can you put a VAR in the vehicle and a GPS?

Maybe a var if there's a semi cheap one? I'm not sure

Hahahaha I was waiting for it to happen and look, it did. He has been texting this girl all night. Wow, I'm to my limit. If nothing else it clearly cannot be innocent.

Yup waywards are always dumb and sloppy.

Is this the same girl? How did you find out?

Yes and by checking phone records. He's been texting her for the last 3 hours while he was spending time with our son. Not sure if I should say something or what. I just asked him earlier when I saw him if we could do anything on this separation and he said no. Yet talks to her after all of this bs about not even being friends

Same girl because I know her number from when he was texting her about "work" before

Do you still have access to her Facebook?

Go to her contacts and copy her contact list and save it for exposure.

Have you read the exposure thread?

What do you mean her contacts? And I can only see what's public

Save a web archive or printout of all her contacts (her friend list). This is public. If she blocks you, you'll lose access to this. What you really need are the links to these people's profiles so you can message them. Also, grab a photo of her from her images in case you need it later.

Why do I need that? I'm not going to tell everyone she knows or anything like that. But what do I need to do now they have been talking nonstop through text all night not even trying to hide it. Clearly an interest there.

SS--The vets will be here soon, but the first thing you need to do is read about the Exposure 101 thread: (click on the following link). Your husband is having an affair--

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2695379#Post2695379

Please read.

BW

You need to expose.

Have you read the Exposure thread?

I have no evidence though. Just that they have been texting but no content. And yes I just read it. Seems a little extreme when I have no evidence