I've been married for 10 years and together 15. I busted my husband having and affair 2 months ago. We've been going to marriage counseling and everything has been great even though I knew he was still hiding stuff. We got into an argument the other night and I drilled him for more information, he finally told me that he had another affair 3 years go. I've never suspected anything. I am crushed and still believe he is hiding more. At this point I have no clue what to do. I want to work it out if he can come clean. I have no clue where to start. At this point he is really not even talking to me. He's made at me because I posted the pictures of the 2 girls that he had the affair with on my fb. I feel I'm losing my husband and I don't want to. It's almost to the point I want to just forget everything and live unhappy with him. I've been with him since I was 16 and I'm now 31 and don't know if I could survive life without him. He's all I've ever know.

Hi Heartbroken, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am so sorry for the reasons that have brought you here.

How did he manage to hide these affairs? Does he travel for a living? How was he able to set up that secret lifestyle?

How did you catch him?

Welcome to MB, HeartBroken.

I think the only way you will get the truth is to arrange a polygraph test.

Living in an unhappy marriage with him is a misery you don't want. It will destroy you. Do you have children together?


Any betrayal from a spouse is horrible but you will survive with or without him...unless YOU choose to give up.

Welcome to MB

They were through text, I felt funny one day a looked at his phone and saw he deleted them. I got them all recovered. He works a lot and is my son's baseball coach. Both women were from baseball. We have 3 kids.

I don't know if any sex was involved. All I have is some of the messages.

HB, he will need to quit that coaching job. His affairs should be exposed to everyone involved, including your children. The plan to recover your marriage is in Surviving an Affair and here is the extraordinary precaution checklist from that book:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Is it still considered an affair if there was no sex involved? He says that it was just inappropriate text that went to far. There was a lot of talk about sex and pictures sent.

Yes, it's called an emotional affair. It will progress to a physical affair.

When will you be exposing?

I have already exposed the affair I busted 2 months ago. She lives in my neighborhood, so I was able to go to her house and confront her and tell her husband. I also told everyone at baseball about it. The other one that happened 3 years ago at baseball, I just found out and they only thing I did was post it on my fb and now I'm being threatened that if I don't stop that she will sue me for slander.

Did you expose to OW's parents?

Who did you expose to on WH's side? Did you tell your children?

And my husband has also been threatened that if I post anything else that he could loose his job. His Corp keeps a eye on my fb because I'm his wife, even though I don't have anything that says where he works and I don't talk about his job on my fb.

I'm not sure of the terms. OW? WH?

Did you expose to OW's parents?

Did you expose to WH's family?

Did you expose to your children?

OW= other woman
WH= wayward husband

Here Abbreviations and Acronyms

I did to my husband's family. I did not to neither women because neither have family, just friends. I was their friend and kinda took them in to help them. Watched their kids and paid for one of the OW kid to play baseball and bought all food while we were out of town playing ball with our kids. The baseball is a voluntary position. It's not his day job.

1 OW does have an x husband and he has the kids now. I would have no clue how to tell him. She had a granny but her granny has passed away a few years ago... the other OW moved here from out of town and she had a lot of abuse growing up and was taken from her home.

My 9 year old son knows. My twins are 6 and not sure how to tell them.

Did WH use the word "affair" or is that your word? What exactly did he admit to happening three yrs ago?