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Joined: Dec 2014
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KellyN Offline OP
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No, actually, my husband told me she would react poorly I have never actually crossed her, but I know from earlier experiences that she is not a mentally healthy person. He clearly knows her better than I. Although, I do recognize that this may just be his way of maintaining his dignity or secrecy.

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Originally Posted by KellyN
No, actually, my husband told me she would react poorly I have never actually crossed her, but I know from earlier experiences that she is not a mentally healthy person. He clearly knows her better than I. Although, I do recognize that this may just be his way of maintaining his dignity or secrecy.

Your husband has a vested interest in you NOT contacting her husband so anything he says is suspect. If her husband doesnt know then it is easier for him to resume the affair. I would expose the affair to him and your children. Without warning him.

This will not be an issue if he has truly ended contact with her. If he finds out, then you will know he has not truly ended contact.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for the reasons that have brought you here.

Have you been tested for STDs?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
How is he doing on this list? I can already see a big FAIL in "spend all leisure time together." He has to make a radical change in his lifestyle to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
Could you please answer this?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2014
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KellyN Offline OP
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Yes, I was in May, shortly after the affair was revealed and they came back negative. Which is completely unbelievable, huh?

Joined: Jul 2012
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In reading through your post I am unclear if you ever exposed to the AP spouse?

I have been in recovery from my FWW affair for over two years and when I think back exposing to the AP spouse was one of the most healing things I did.

Who really cares what type of person she is or what good and bad activities she participates in? The one and only activity you are concerned about is the relationship she had with your husband behind your back.

Exposure works to end that chapter of her life for good.


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Its common for affair spouse to gaslight betrayed spouse. Its an extension of the manipulation he had to pull to maintain the affair. You are accustom to 'stories' that have kept you stuck in his muck. Buying these stories will retard your recovery. You have to go full frontal with the truth to yourself, your children, and OM family and so on. The truth will set everyone free. This is real.


BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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