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I'm gone again. She wanted space and if I didn't leave, she was taking the kids and leaving. I don't want my kids uprooted and sleeping in a hotel room. I am working on me for the unforeseen future and doing what's best for my kids while I am away. It's going to take a lot to convince me to come back. I have tried everything at this point. Hopefully she holds our counseling session this Monday.
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Peter,
Are you interested in following the program?
A husband who abandons like this is simply capitulating to allow OM to replace him. Do you understand that if she is still having her affair, she will fantasize over him as stepdaddy?
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WOW!!! You just handed over you Wife, Children and Home to the POSOM on a Silver Platter.
How do you think you will like paying alimony and child support to your soon to be ex-wife, all while she has the POSOM move in and takes over your role as the day-to-day Daddy for your kids?
You can't fix a marriage if you are not there to try!!!
LTL
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I'm gone again. She wanted space and if I didn't leave, she was taking the kids and leaving. I don't want my kids uprooted and sleeping in a hotel room. I am working on me for the unforeseen future and doing what's best for my kids while I am away. It's going to take a lot to convince me to come back. I have tried everything at this point. Hopefully she holds our counseling session this Monday. Thank you for moving out so the OM can replace you. The OM is very grateful, I am sure. Now, do your clothes fit him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why would you even think about letting her take the kids to a hotel room. Does she have a court order giving her sole custody? The kids stay in the house and if she feels the need to go stay in a hotel room she can go do that.
me, DH all the children
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me, DH all the children
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What is your lawyer saying about her wanting to uproot the kids?
me, DH all the children
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Well your wife is not a stable person right now. She is in the fog and not thinking with her brain. On the 19th you wrote that she had asked you to come back. And now she is asking your to leave again?
It is very bad judgement to put your future and the future of your children in the hands of a person who is as unstable as your wife. There is no law in any country that says that you have to cater to every whim a person in an affair happens to have.
Unless you have done things to majorly annoy her (have you?, read up on plan A and "love busters") and that is why she is asking you to leave you should not change the status quo. Your job is to be a grown-up, stable person, who will be a rock in this stormy sea. Why on earth would you allow her to take your children out in the cold shortly before Christmas? I surely hope that you are not in any way planning on paying for the facilities she needs for her affair (hotel room, cell phone, car, etc).
Of course she wants you out of the house for Christmas, because it will be high quality bonding time with POSOM neighbour in your house under your tree. The children will not be subjected to that. You will have to take a stance here. Don't retreat so fast. How is she going to have any respect for you if you are not the calm and strong man you should be?
me, DH all the children
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Did you even take the time to read this?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I don't think many of you are really understanding what I am saying - IF I DIDN'T LEAVE, SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND LEAVE. If I had stood my ground and stayed, I could not have physically prevented her from leaving. There was no option for all of us to stay in the house.
Tell me, exactly, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I want my kids to be in their home, not in a hotel. OM is NOT moving in, TRUST ME. She wants me to come back for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so we can spend it as a "family." Going over today to pick up kids and take them to the park.
SHE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL ONE-ON-ONE HELP, but I cannot FORCE her to see someone. We have our next couples therapy session tomorrow.
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I don't think many of you are really understanding what I am saying - IF I DIDN'T LEAVE, SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND LEAVE. If I had stood my ground and stayed, I could not have physically prevented her from leaving. There was no option for all of us to stay in the house. We do understand, you don't. YOU JUST FACILITATED THE AFFAIR BY LEAVING! If your wife did leave with the kids, she would be right back because she doesn't want to leave her home. It was just a RUSE to manipulate you into leaving so she can replace you. You fell for it!! The OM thanks you for stepping aside. Tell me, exactly, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I want my kids to be in their home, not in a hotel. OM is NOT moving in, TRUST ME. She wants me to come back for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so we can spend it as a "family." Going over today to pick up kids and take them to the park. What you are supposed to do is GO HOME. Stop being a WIMP and go home. You are DELUSIONAL if you believe you are not being replaced by the OM. SHE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL ONE-ON-ONE HELP, but I cannot FORCE her to see someone. We have our next couples therapy session tomorrow. What a waste of time. Going to marriage counseling when one spouse is in an affair is a DISASTER because counselors do not understand the FOG. As such, they tend to validate foggy notions. You are wrecking your marriage, Sir.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You are talking to people who have been through this and have SAVED THEIR MARRIAGES. If you don't grow some balls and start listening to the advice, you are not going to make it! You are in Plan PETE, which has been a disaster for you so far. You do not know what you are doing and are reacting EMOTIONALLY.
Can you put aside your emotions and follow a PLAN? If not, then I give this very little hope. You have to LISTEN and follow directions in order to save this.
GO HOME!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you even take the time to read this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How can she physically prevent you from keeping the kids at home?
Don you not have the same parental rights as her? Are there domestic violence or other abuse charges against you?
BH 31 Married 5 years D day-10/8/14 Separated-10/27/14 1 DS3 1 DSS13
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How can she physically prevent you from keeping the kids at home?
Don you not have the same parental rights as her? Are there domestic violence or other abuse charges against you? She is a stay-at home mom, I work from home. During the week I cannot care for my kids during the day while working, so leaving the kids at home while she leaves simply doesn't work. No there are no charges against me.
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How can she physically prevent you from keeping the kids at home?
Don you not have the same parental rights as her? Are there domestic violence or other abuse charges against you? She is a stay-at home mom, I work from home. During the week I cannot care for my kids during the day while working, so leaving the kids at home while she leaves simply doesn't work. No there are no charges against me. GO HOME.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You've got to go home. Do you have family that can help you watch the kids? There are lots of options to hire someone to help you with the kids.
Since you work from home it would seem that you have great opportunities to break up the affair and plan A to out-affair the affair. If you want to save your marriage it will take a lot of hard work and drastic changes to your lifestyle. Be creative, there are ways that you can stay in your home. You are in a battle to save your family. You are at war with your fogged out wife and OM. Victory often goes to the the one willing to go to the most drastic lengths. Don't underestimate what WW is capable of in her current state. Don't hold back any effort you can possibly make. You can't kill an affair and win back your wife if you aren't there to do it.
BH 31 Married 5 years D day-10/8/14 Separated-10/27/14 1 DS3 1 DSS13
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There is not reason to worry about child care. Your wife isn't going to leave. And if she does, she will be right back. It is all a RUSE to get you out of the house so she can carry on her affair.
Just go home. Let her carry on. Just tell her you are sure sorry if she wants to leave.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why oh why are men so gullible?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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