Because waywards are on a planet all their own. Once the affair ends and it all comes crashing down on her she's going to be extremely stunned when it becomes clear she's lost everything.

Hi All,

Thanks again for your support!

I'm back again today and I'm feeling really low :-(

Just got some final paperwork through from my ww's lawyer and I have heard that my ww has been in touch with my younger sister being pally wally and asking her to come to the UK to visit her when she gets her new house all nice and lovely.
What is that all about? Is my ww trying to wind me up? Well it has worked today!

This has upset me greatly, the fact that my sister would even entertain her but I suppose waywards have their controlling manipulative ways. My sister apparently told her that she wouldn't be visiting her regardless and she had the full story. My ww even tried to deny that the affair happened but my sister thankfully put her right there too!

I came across a photo of her tonight on facebook (I wasn't specifically looking but came across while having the next round of blocking her friends and relatives and she looks dire. Tired, drawn and ill.

I am feeling at quite a low ebb myself today. I am really tired I suppose but feeling the pressure nonetheless. Things in my life away from this are ok. I am involved with a walking group for the last few months which I have been accepted into with open arms. Outside of my troubles I am very enthusiastic, fun and can be even be entertaining at times. My sense of humour stops me from going mad about this whole thing. This group has really saved my life and keeps me busy in the downtime when my kids are not near me. I enjoy the open countryside and the freedom when walking alone but love the company and conversation which I haven't had in a long time when walking with the group.

My WW has been on to my IM (my sister) asking that she able to spend a day with my eldest DD but it is my weekend to have the children. Do I say no back through the IM and cause a big row or let her have the extra time? I don't want to walk on egg shells the rest of my life so I am going to say no! She can have her time before or after. Her choice!

I am very angry with this posom and want to make him pay dearly/hurt him so badly! I want to expose him further to his professional body but everyone I say this to says you will just bring more trouble your way (causing further stress) and look like a psycho ex-husband to everyone. Does anyone in the UK believe in trying to save a marriage. I haven't found one supporter yet in favour of taking direct action to expose him! I am dumbfounded! I want to try and end their affair. Why doesn't anyone accept this away from this forum understand this?

On the other hand I feel like giving up. I am perilously close to doing so! I don't know what to do. I am going on holiday for a few days tomorrow and will think a lot about the situation.

If anyone would care to chip in I would love to hear another angle/perspective.

Sorry for rambling but I'm wrecked and going to bed now.

Thanks,

D_D.

Thanks axslinger85 for your words of support. I am going through your story bit by bit. I'll say a prayer for you tonight my friend.

Hi Folks,

I just thought that I would update the forum as to my position at this point.

Two weeks ago I received my finalised divorce (decree absolute) and last week I finalised my financial settlement - a clean break.

I haven't spoke to my wife or seen her now in a number of months despite us sharing care of our two daughters which bizarrely feels great. :-)

I am just about done now in this process and feel it is probably right to move on now and rebuild my life.

My wife is continually creating drama around our children in order to try and draw me in to her sad life. She continually upsets the children and when they come to me they are very unhappy and it takes me a couple of days to settle them down. She I believe is trying to alienate the children against me by involving them in the breakdown of our marriage. I don't get drawn in and reply to little of her communication via my intermediary.

I have learned an awful lot throughout this process and it will stand me well in the future I'm sure.

I'm greatful for the support and guidance on this forum but alas I think the end is here.

Although this has been the most painful part of my life so far I have changed radically as a person for the better I might add!

I have a great new network of good and honest friends who like me for who I am and me them too. I still maintain the silence of plan B and I know that my ex-wife is suffering badly with depression. It's pretty evident and quite bizarre but inevitable as her life goes down the pan along with our marriage and family life. My focus is nw my children and rebuilding my life hopefully with someone new!

If there is a miraculous change in the course of these events I will be sure to log back in and let you all know but for now I wish you all well and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your empathy, support, guidance and wisdom.

God Bles you all.

Kind regards,

D_D

Glad you are doing well.

Well, I know it feels like a huge burden has been lifted when it's final. I'm glad you can finally move on and start a new and better chapter of your life. The possibilities are endless!

Hi Folks,

I suppose it has been quite a while and I thought to check in and let you know how things have panned out in my situation. I am in an established (as best I can) Plan B and moving ahead with my life. I sold my Family home before Christmas, moving into rented accommodation about 12 miles from my ex wife (other side of town) and looking to start afresh. I am dating now and again but I really can't be bothered, too busy doing things that I like to do like travelling, walking and generally enjoying myself with my kids.

My ex-wife and I have shared care (50/50) of our two children (10 & 14) but she displays regular bouts of anger and controlling behaviour towards me when she doesn't get her own way. I just laugh, shrug my shoulders and move on. She has dragged me to mediation at a significant expense just before Christmas last, wanting to change our established care plan for our children to suit her future wants and needs i.e. 7 days on and 7 days off so she can connect with the new man in her life now. I only found out last week as the kids let it slip that she had a new boyfriend. He works shifts so she wants time with him and away from the kids.

I didn't know at the time because she never told me about her new guy (I was a little upset as it's the final nail in the coffin for me). She decided to introduce him to my children without the courtesy of a message telling me beforehand. We agreed to this post divorce as a courtesy to one another but she decided to forget that. I did have to mention that to her last week as we have to communicate a little as my eldest daughter has been diagnosed with epilepsy late last year and we have to attend the Dr's and hospital together from time to time.

There are positives as she at least has ended her affair with this now 60 year old violent accountant (shes 44) and has now set a new course for her with life with this guy albeit on a rebound basis. He is divorced too, 13 years ago with 1 son, aged 15.

I have told my ex that communication for us going forward is still very minimal (nothing away from my child's health) and made my concerns known about new partners expressing that it would be better if we informed each other of changes to avoid awkward questions from the kids.

She has established quite a narcissistic approach to everything that she does (where I am concerned especially) but I just laugh and walk on.

It hurt a little when I found out that she had a new guy on the scene despite being divorced 2 years in February coming and being separated for nearly 4 years especially when my children were afraid to tell me about her new man.

Plan B is quite good as the less contact you have with you spouse, the better. Out of sight is out of mind I suppose. I have no great wish to find anyone for the future at this time because I am still healing. I still have the odd moment of despair and do run the "why she didn't even give it at least one try or chance" scenario over in my head from time to time. But that is I suppose typical of people in my situation.

My daughter had a seizure last August in Portugal and when we returned to the UK her Mam practically stepped out in front of my car to get my attention and asked me into her house for a cup of tea. I politely declined and said that we would never be friends merely civil to one another for the sake of the kids, as long as she still lied to me. Friends don't lie and deceive, well not in my book in anyway. Rightly or wrongly I had to say it. It's how I felt at the time.

She texts me about silly things to which I reply to some and not to many if I'm honest. She is angry at me and when at mediation before Christmas last she was crying, pointing the finger and stamping her feet as she was not getting her own way. She screamed that I hate her and I replied to hate you implies that I have feelings towards you, they are sadly now gone. I just remained focused and straight, keeping the same tone and expression. Even the mediator said it was like a marriage counselling session, reminding her to lower her tone and control her anger. I got what I needed, again equal care and left the meeting happy that I wasn't responding with emotion to her attacks and verbal assaults.

Who knows what the future will bring? Do I miss her, yes still somewhat but I am working on getting rid of that loneliness. Do I forgive her, yes I told her that too. Am I moving on? I most certainly am. Who knows what's around the corner?

Take care,

Ding_ Dong

DD I'm assuming you've moved on and want the divorce to stick when I say this...

Maybe take advantage of the fact she wants time away from the kids? Let her and push to get more time with them yourself. If she really needs your help, You might even be able to get some kind of formal agreement about them not being exposed to casual dating partners. This guy sounds like he can only be an improvement on OM, properly divorced and was seeking another properly divorced person, but you don't know who else is round the corner.