Ok, thank you all for your support reinforcement. I am primarily concerned because he knows where I live and I cannot move immediately. But I agree, it's time to expose

You will have an impossible task exposing from home when your wife is there. It needs to be done away from the home in a complete, comprehensive manner. Do them all today so it hits them like a tsunami.

Does the OM have a Facebook account? Have you read through the exposure instructions in my exposure thread?

Agree with Mel about exposing from home. I exposed to BH1 from a Burger King parking lot on my lunch break!!! I exposed to BH2 while my WH was driving to work. Exposure to all family and friends was done by phone calls (no one lived close by for a face to face) away from WH. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!! Was shock and awe!! Both affairs nuked and died.

I did it from work. If you're at work now, do it from there. Take our word for it: if you go home, you won't be able to do it for the whole weekend.

And WW will use tears, anger and/or threats to get you to stop. Don't sign up for that.

I agree with the others, expose while you're at work.

Have you had DNA Testing done on your child?

I went to his employer (the police department) and spoke with internal affairs. it didn't go very far, they didn't seem like there was much they could do, but they were going to investigate and get back to me. I don't expect much to happen there.

I was unable to find a cell phone number for OMW, but I sent email and facebook private messages to her. I have yet to hear back about anything from her, him, or any reaction from my wife. I know these messages can potentially be intercepted by OM, but it was the best I can do. I did not tell my wife anything, for fear that she would tell him and allow him to intercept.

Now I'm kind of in a holding pattern. I was hoping this would be liberating, but its not, since I have no idea if my message has reached its destination or if I spoke to anyone who would actually help. Do I just sit and wait for the the police to do something or his wife to finally log on or check email?

Good job!! Please get your exposures finished and drive this home. I would not stop until you are in touch with the wife.

I think you will be very surprised at the outcome of the exposure to the Police Department, though. WE had a betrayed wife of a cheating policeman report her husband. They acted like it was a big nothing to HER, but it turned out to be a major investigation and I believe he was suspended. So don't let their tepid response disappoint you.


Go back and find her mother, dad and/or sisters and send them a Facebook private message. Tell them that JoeCreep is having an affair with your wife and you need to get in touch with MRs Creep to give her the facts. Sign your full name and give your cell phone.


You should complete your exposures. Expose to the OM's Facebook contacts, all of your family and friends. I would go RIGHT NOW AND COPY AND PASTE ALL THE OM'S FACEBOOK CONTACTS INTO A TEXT DOC FOR SAFEKEEPING. He will be shutting down his face book page as soon as he finds out you have PM'd his wife.

I would also suggest you expose him on cheaterville if you can get ahold of a photo. That is very effective exposure because his name will show up when googled, AND you can send endless emails anonymously with the cheaterville link.

It worked!!!! Just as you all said. The exposure has crippled the affair. OM'S employer and OW have both confronted him, and now he's in a world of hurt. He'll never have time for WW now. He has been in contact with WW to inform her of what I did, but my suspicions that they had seen each other earlier yesterday were true, so that doesn't really change things. I am disappointed that his children and OW will be hurt, but that is not my fault.

WW was angry, as expected, and we did argue a bit. I tried to remain level headed. She had the audacity of blaming me for causing hurt to his family by going to his Police Department and Wife. She claimed that was the only thing she asked that I not do. I said that I didn't cause any of this. She and he had caused all of this pain. The only reason I exposed the affair was because she wouldn't honor the only request I had made of her when I initially found out. I asked for her complete and utter separation from him, and she didn't do it. They left me with no choice. I was not going to allow OM's presence to destroy my family, even if it destroyed his. I told WW that she could leave me if she wanted, but I would never allow her to leave me for OM. She doesn't get that option.

Within a few minutes we had decided to table the argument, and actually have just been going about our day as we have been the last three weeks. I'm a bit shocked at that, actually. It was far less emotionally taxing than I expected. I think deep down she knew this had to happen, but I know she never thought I'd have the strength to do it.


She said to "forget about counseling right now", which I learned from all of you yesterday was a bad idea anyway, so that's not even on my mind.

That being said, what do I do now? I plan to continue spying on her to ensure communication has stopped. Aside from that, Do I just continue to try and make her happy and feel loved while improving on the things she had outlined as needs which I wasn't providing? I know she'll be in withdrawal for a while, but is there anything specific I should do to begin to endear her to me again?

I don't want to smother her, but I don't want to abandon her either. She is reluctant to confide in anyone because it requires an admission of guilt. I don't want her talking to a therapist because I'm afraid they will tell her to seek counseling. She will certainly not want talk to me about her love for another man, nor do I want to hear it. I've got my own healing to do.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Finally this has been without a doubt the most empowering experience of my life. I thank you all for the support and encouragement to see this first step through.

EH

Good job.

How do you know OMBW and employer confronted him? Did you actually talk to OMBW?

Do you have the book SAA?

First off, good job!!! You have taken a very brave first step towards saving your marriage. But you CANNOT STOP now. You must finish your exposures and it needs to be done NOW. You have the affair on the ropes, so don't let up while you have it in a free fall or it will rise from the dead.

EXPOSE the affair to your family and friends using the talking points on my thread. CALL her parents and email your other family and friends.

Send Facebook messages to the OM's family using the instructions on my thread.

Do not think for a minute that you have killed the affair by exposing to TWO people. That is a trickle exposure which leaves them much opportunity to maneuver around. You NEED the whole family to support your marriage.

Get this done NOW so you can move onto next steps, which would be restoring the love in your marriage. Grab your laptop or iPad and make an excuse to leave the house and go to a coffee shop or your office and GET THIS DONE NOW.

Once you finish your exposures, you will need to address this checklist with your wife - it is out of the book Surviving an Affair, which you do need to get asap:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

You HELPED protect them from this harmful affair. Now the OM's wife can take steps to protect herself and her children from your wife and her husband. You did a good deed to this family!

Absolutely. You would have wanted her to tell you.

Now you can both tag team the affair. She watches her end, you watch yours.

Secrecy to avoid hurting people is patronising and wrong. We all need to know when we are being defrauded.

OK, I will move forward with the exposure to our families. If after this, she refuses to comply with the items on the checklist what do I do? I can't kick her out of the house unless she leaves willingly, nor do I want that. We have a 15 month old who needs us both. She already feels like she has nowhere to go, and once she's exposed to both of our families, she'll feel like I am seeking vengeance.

Also what do I do if she does leave and takes our child? I see almost no chance of that happening, but it is possible. Of course, I am able to track her, so I'll know where she is.

I want to be prepared for her to not comply and have a response or plan ready. I'm almost positive that she will fight it. Hopefully I'm wrong.

EH

I know because my wife told me that OM contacted her and said I destroyed his family and career by going to his employer and his wife. My wife confronted me about it without my asking and described with complete accuracy the methods by which I exposed them. There was no way she could have found out any other way, because I was not at home when I exposed them.

EH,

You wrote, I destroyed his family and career by going to his employer and his wife.

No the OM betrayed his family and the consequence is alienation from them, the OM betrayed his mandate to protect and serve the community by attacking a member of the communities family.

He also likely took an oath not to engage in illegal or immoral activities when he became an officer. If the affair was conducted during work hours he also stole from the public.

Yes the OM should not be promoted he is not an exemplary police officer.

God Bless
Gamma

Do you know what to say to your families and friends? Are you reading my exposure thread?

After you expose, she will be furious. Just expect this. Tell her you love her and want to have a happy marriage with her, but this is what it will take: show her the list. She will tell you to go to hell at first. You just keep being kind and tell her she has to end her affair.


Do nothing. She will be right back. She may even try to throw you out. Just tell her no thanks. Expect lots of drama.

EH, it is critical that you get these exposures done NOW. The more you trickle this out, the less effective it will be. ASK HER FAMILY TO USE THEIR INFLUENCE TO PERSUADE HER TO END HER AFFAIR.

AND, you need to send Facebook private messages to the OM's family and friends. I am getting very worried you are not listening to us. The window of opportunity is closing as we speak.

And no, we will not tell you to kick her out. Don't worry about that. But on the same token, you should NOT LEAVE if she tries to kick you out.

Please read this. Men, Don't Leave your Home!