Going out on dates, trying to get out of the routine, having conversations. I would said that in average 10-13 hours per week.

That isn't enough.

Have you seen this?
The Critical Importance of Undivided Attention

Please be more specific. I am trying to help here, but I can't with responses like that. Can you give a list of your dates last week? Where did you go, and what did you do, and for how many hours?

"Having conversations" is too vague to be meaningful.

For example:

1. This week we went out for a hiking trip just the two of us, we spent about 5 hours doing that.

2. Two hours city walk and sightseeing yesterday.

3. Three hours last Monday at the beach during a visit to some family in the Caribbean.

4. We are going out tonight for dinner

That sounds lovely. You need to do things like that, for at least that length of time, every week. (Well, not the Caribbean bit, maybe!)

The best way to make sure you are doing at least 15 hours per week is for you and your wife to make a plan, in the diary, every week, and later, for you to assess the extent to which 1. you carried out the activities planned and 2. they met the four intimate emotional needs of conversation, affection, sex and recreational companionship.

Do you think your wife enjoys your dates? Does she seem happy during them, and sexually affectionate after?

Hi SugarCane:

We plan our dates together, sometimes I make a list and she decides other times she makes a list of things to do.She seem happy, and her sexual affection is coming back.

Did you read this?

Hi everyone,

It is been a long time since my last post in this forum, and hopefully this is my last, but I'm just back here to give you an update of my situation. For everyone reading my story for the first time, my wife and I moved to another country for jobs, we went through a lot of issues, she met OM in the elevator at the company she was working, accepted POSOM invitation for a "friendly" coffee (A.K.A issues w/ boundaries) and you all know the rest.

I first will like to say thank you all for the advice, my marriage is doing a lot better and it almost 2 years after DD. We moved back to the USA, took a long time to find jobs and get back on track. A few weeks after moving back, using a fake woman name, POSOM tried contacting wife again. She didn't reply, we changed emails, numbers,we both have all passwords now (no secrets) and we both agreed to have monitoring software installed. Exactly six months after no more contact with OM, my wife was out of the fog for the first time. She was really remorse for all the lies, the lack of boundaries, she was angry with OM and grateful I was there and helped break with the addiction.

I want everyone to know that MB in my opinion is really the best option if you want to try and save your marriage from an affair. We since joined a group at a church in our area that use Dr. Harley's MB concepts and I really grateful I found this forum.

Thanks,
Sealife

Thanks for the great update Sealife.

Thanks for the update, Sealife!! Glad to hear it is going well for you. Let us know if we can help in any way.

Sealife, I know how you feel with being shocked that your wife would do something like that. My wife was 16 when we met and never had a boyfriend, first kiss, or anything before me. She was always shy about sex and very conservative in bed and the most honest person I have ever known. Fast forward 15 years and I found out she had an affair for a year and was doing sexual acts I never could imagine she would ever be able to do.

We are going through the same thing as you and your wife, but it sounds like your marriage is closer to being saved than mine is. So don't lose hope.