Below, I will summarize my 8 year relationship with the man I love, in hopes to derive the opinions of others in regards to which path others would choose for my relationship, or which paths others have chose in similar experiences.

I have always been a very insecure girl. I have always suffered from depression, bad anxiety and little confidence due to very late puberty and some emotional and mild physical abuse as a child. I met my love when I was nearly 17 and he was nearly 21. I moved in with him after 8 months of dating. I fell in love with the attention he gave me. And he became my best friend. Although I was always a tiny bit put off by his looks. A couple years into the relationship, I discovered several deceptions; including a gigantic porn collection, pictures of him with a girl I knew on a vacation he went alone to see a male friend, hitting on girls in front of me, on the phone and online, condoms that we don't use hidden in his car. He lied about it all and we had dramatic aggressive verbal arguments constantly for months. I left him and moved cross country for 1 year where we remained in a long distance relationship. He had cried and apologized and begged and made promises to me...I had him move cross country to me to prove he was willing to put in the effort. We lived OK for 1 year, then began moving around the country following his work. He began to be very mean, defensive, argumentative, demeaning, suspicious and deceitful like never before after he starting seeing a therapist that was trying to confront and erase his memories of childhood abuse (i knew his dad used to whoop him good, that's why I always excused his meanness.) I had just told his father the last time he visited us, that I was really really close to leaving his son--- in hopes that somehow his dad would catch a hint and try to heal his son and ultimately fix our relationship. My love and his father had however starting spending some good quality time together like never before....it meant the world to my love. 2 weeks later, his father was found dead at 47 of a heart attack. My love was devastated and very very angry at the world, and at God. I felt obligated and wanted to take care of him even though I really wanted out. I was stuck and miserable. Feeling worthless, unattractive, unappreciated... and then I did the worst thing I never ever believed I would have done. 4 months after my love's dad died, I cheated on him. I sought out a boy that I used to sleep with in high school (in hopes that he would love me :p) of Facebook and started to hit on him. We started sexting and I would send him nude pictures alot. He really made me feel sexy and wanted. It made me feel good about myself... but I really felt like I needed to know that someone else would find me attractive before I left my love... so I snuck off and did the deed. I felt horrible, shameful, disgusting... yet still v
Craved the attention that i was getting from the other guy... so I kept up the sexting for a couple weeks after. I really wanted to break up with my SO more than ever, but i was too terrified to heart him, terrified of change and of possible regret... my SO caught me up on a contact in my phone. I told him everything. He sobbed. It was heartbreaking. He still didn't want me to leave him. So I stayed. 2 months later he asked me to marry him, I hesitantly said yes. Felt like it was the right thing to do. 1 year later, our relationship wasn't good but it wasn't absolutely awful. We were both miserably depressed. My love constantly proclaimed his fear of waiting to have kids since he has a heart condition like his late father. I decided that giving him a son, a best friend that he's wanted for so long, would bring us closer, make a strong promise to him, and make him happy. So now we have an 8 month old baby boy. He is the perfect baby and my SO is the perfect daddy. 3 months later, Christmas, my SO loses his job due to a failure to take a drug test (self medicates with Marijuana to manage his temperament/ptsd) and can not return to the industry with out effort he is willing to put forth due to the instability of the industry the last several years of layoffs. So a couple months later he got off his hesitant rear and got a job making 1/2 the income, So now we are still very broke. Can't pay the bills. At 40 weeks pregnant, I discovered a text of his [censored] to a number I didn't recognize. I was absolutely devastated. I chose to believe him that it was a fake cyber thing.. then I found Craigslist posts trying to score with couples! And countless porn videos and pictures. I completely committed to leaving him. I just had no where to go nor had any idea how to go about it. My only connections where we live are my SO and his fam. My fam is 20 hours away.. but I can't take his baby away. I don't want to . He tried to shoot himself. He was in some sort of childhood flashback based on his childlike behavior. It's was surreal. He was struggling to put his handgun together too which was super unusual. After a Great physical struggle, I was able to remove a piece of the gun it needed and hide it. I screamed bloody murder for my neighbors to call the police as I Struggled to get him to stop punching himself in the face. No one came to help. I was freaking out. I would have done anything to save him in that moment, which was unusual as timid as I am. ...Even accidentally shoot myself wrestling him if it came to it. Then, as I was running around the neighborhood trying to get help, he cake out to me calm and perplexed as if nothing had happened. Then we sat down and bore is heart to me about his ptsd. Horrifying details of childhood abuse, and his shameful sex addiction he had been hiding from me for 7 years. And then he confessed that he was molestated. And sobbed and sobbed. And apologized and begged and made promises. (Btw, went to a young friends funeral that morning). 2 months later, I found more adds for sex, and a cheap vending machine condom. Then he begged and apologized and cried, begged me to go to counseling with him. Accused me of abandoning him when he needs me the most. So I told him no promises, and we have been going to counseling for 2 months. We were quickly placed in separate counseling sessions after a couple tense couple sessions. He is working on his ptsd and I am working on my secondary ptsd. He broke his phone out of anger when I found the last add, and I've only found porn so far... we get along a bit better now and we still have good sex-- I feel like I need more sexual attention from him now since I feel like I'm not enough to satisfy him. I have been learning all how about even though his actions are his choice, his actions are all symptoms of ptsd. I still can't get him to tell me truths of his past infedelities... counselor suggests that ptsd victims are very defensive and deceitful in order to protect their vulnerabilities.. now that I understand his condition more than ever, I feel more guilt, more obligation to help him heal. I fear that I am in love with a version of him that will constantly be masked by a cheating jerk. I feel like I will never feel worth or love again in my relationship. Any comments? I could use some help battling my demons. I am afraid to hurt the man I love, to break up my family, afraid of change, afraid of regret. What is the right thing to do? Thanks for listening.

I'm sure the veterans will be here soon to give you good advice. But from what I can tell you are in a very dangerous situation and need to leave immediately and take your son with you.

You aren't married and have no commitment. Yes you have a son but your son is in grave danger being around a violent father who owns a handgun and tried to kill himself and smokes marijuana. Why would you allow this around your son?

Is this the role model you want for your boy?

This man is not committed to you and unlikely ever will be. He needs serious help and you cannot help him.

Get your son out of there now. I see your family is 20 hours away. You need to find somewhere to go and get your son and yourself away before he turns on you and your son. Is there a shelter for women you can get to?

If you don't think of yourself, at least think of your poor boy.

Ouch. That's hard to hear. I'm afraid you're right, but I really don't want to believe that. In 8 years together, I have never experienced violent behavior from him like THAT before. He has never became violent towards me or his child, or any other women or children. Although I know he wouldn't harm either of us intentionally, I can see how that could have easily ended badly; which indicates the chance for that in the future. but why wouldn't the therapist be concerned? That makes me feel like I'm over reacting to leave and take his kid in a hurry.

I do appreciate your honesty. Thank you for listening. It means a lot.

We mop up after therapists a lot. Paid enablers.

Dear PWMS,

this man does not love you. What you describe is a very sick and twisted abusive relationship. From what you describe I doubt if he has even be sexually abused, because it is obvious he has used that info as leverage:
you were committed to leave him for his hideous behaviour and next thing you know he:
- makes the impression he will shoot himself, although he cannot put his handgun together which has never been a problem
- he is very calm only a short time after that, indicating this was all show to get you to cave in
- he tells you some sad story to keep you prisoner in his sick world and
- promises to better himself.

Honey, you cannot love a man with his kind of behaviour back to health. As you have noticed, the only thing that led him to clean up his act for a short time was you leaving. All your positive reactions to his extremely selfish and destructive behaviour have only enabled him to NOT change anything about himself.

Do not keep pouring your honest, loving feelings in this bottomless pit. Chances that he will ever change are very slim. Chances are, that he will be trying to make your life miserable down the road even if you take the only sensible decision in this case: Plan B and rigorous no contact.

Also, you need to report his behaviour to the police. Please make the right decision for your little baby.

If he had been serious about shooting himself, he would not have done it in front of you, he would have gone to the other room and be done with it.
This looks like classic manipulative behaviour.

Besides which, the authorities should be called for to handle such threats not you, a naturally emotional spouse. Let professionals handle him and it will all soon disappear because they can't be manipulated.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. Ma'am, you need to get far away from this man. He is a dangerous man to you and your child. He is unstable and he is violent, which is a recipe for killing you. You may end up dead if you don't get away. The main reason you are depressed and suffering from anxiety is because of your horrible relationship. I assure you that if you got away from him for a few weeks, your depression would go away and you would start thinking clearly for the first time in years.

Go away to your family. Move in with them and get a restraining order if he tries to contact you.

Your "counselor" doesn't have the slightest idea what she is doing and is just taking your money. You can get FREE ADVICE from a qualified relationship expert and licensed clinical psychologist by emailing Dr Harley at his radio show. You don't have to go on the radio show if you don't choose to, but he will give you professional guidance. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

One of the reasons your husband is so bad is because instead of working on his problems, he is wasting time talking about his childhood.

RUN.

You never married, correct?

I agree with everyone's advice to get out of there like yesterday.

Actually, the new therapist is an expert in PTSD and has been irate over the way the last therapist kept opening sore wounds, instead she has him on a tract of healing and recognizing and changing his behavior

That is cute and winsome that he is working on his childhood "issues," however, that doesn't mean that YOU should develop post traumatic stress disorder by staying in a dangerous situation. If this "counselor" is an "expert" she would tell you to remove yourself asap from this horrendous situation.

I never thought I would be one of those women who are too stupid to leave a dangerous relationship. I never understood why they stayed. Now here I am, still refusing to believe that there is any solid reason to leave, after 8 years of anguish. I mean it's not like I have bruises right? This man is my love. My best friend. my family. You don't leave family when they need you the most, right?

So what are you going to do? When will you be leaving?

Have you seen this?
Choosing the Right One to Marry

You are one of those women now.

Yet.

Seriously?

This is your bar?