That will be tremendously confusing for her. Tell her he goes to see a woman (name her) he considers his girlfriend. When married people do that it is very wrong and it is called adultery.

You can tell her that you are encouraging dad to stop. You should also tell her to share her feelings with dad.

She will find much more help in this than trying to figure it out alone. Little girls are also murder on affairs!

I told them both, in a bit more detail, last night. I told them that, when you are married, you promise to make it last the rest of your lives. You only kiss and show intimacy to your husband and wife, but that Daddy chose to do this with another woman instead. Cue questions about kissing relatives and, of course, I explained the difference to them.

They both asked if this meant Daddy would marry her instead of staying with me, and I told them that we are all trying to make sure that doesn't happen.

Wouldn't your close friend (OW's sister-in-law) be able to get you her employment information?

You don't have to tell her what you're going to do with it.
Just have a conversation with her, and say you "can't believe she's a real counselor"...."what kind of place does she work at?"
and ferret out enough information to find her employer.

It always impresses me how quick children are to see the threat. Keep talking to them and encourage them to talk to you.

Now that they know where the fault and the danger lies, they won't blame themselves like a lot of kids do.

Can you look on LinkedIn for her job? Most people have something on it.

I would also do an internet exposure. The OW in my case comes from a crazy family apparently because they didn't care about the affair and the boss at their work place didn't either. But the internet exposure on Cheaterville, Cheater Report, etc. really put a dent in their affair and sent her over the edge. Even if you want to get a divorce, you do not want this woman to ever be around your kids, so use every means of exposure at your disposal.

Below is a link to Texas Dept of Health Services where you can look up a licensee. Search by name...

https://vo.ras.dshs.state.tx.us/datamart/selSearchTypeTXRAS.do?from=loginPage

Link to homepage that may have info to help you:

https://www.dshs.state.tx.us/mft/default.shtm

Have you seen this? Exposing to Children

All she knows is that she works for an MHMR facility in the Dallas area, but there are 3 in that particular area. She's going to try to get information herself since OW has been ignoring all calls made from her parents and brother.

I checked to see if she had a LinkedIn profile, but nothing came up.



She is newly graduated, I believe, and is currently not practicing. She works in the mental health field right now, so I believe that is why I cannot find her on these websites.

I sent her parents an email this morning. Two weeks ago, when the A was caught, her brother called to inform his parents of what was going on, but nothing was done regarding it. These parents think the sun and moon revolves around their daughter, so they always sweep her indiscretions under the rug (this isn't the first marriage she has tried to break up, but the first one she SUCCEEDED at).

So I sent them an email personally this morning asking for their help in breaking up this A. I let them know the extent of the damage the A has caused my children and me, etc. I'm unsure if they will reply, but beyond that, I feel like I've done all that I could.

Regardless of whether or not WH and I divorce, I do not want my children around this woman at all.

Speaking of, I think exposing to them was the best thing I could have done for THEM. It just made sense to my 8 year old son. He's hurting over it, but now he can put a reason to his father's actions and quit accepting blame for it. I'm so thankful I took that advice.

Get on the phone to each of those 3 facilities and call the main number. Ask for OW by name. She works somewhere!
At one of those, they will begin to transfer you to either her extention or her department. Bingo.

Then Expose to her employer!
This is urgent!

Ye!!! This needs to be followed through with. It's only 3 businesses. It would only take 3 phone calls.

LTL

bdb, do you think you could make this point on the Exposure the children thread that brainy sent to you? So many people doubt the wisdom of this.

I've been meaning to get back to you about what I wrote about not having your H in the delivery room, and not letting him coo over the new baby in front of you (a proper Plan B from now, in other words).

Forgive me, but I think that someone in your position might be hoping that the magical qualities of holding a new life in one's arms will work on your H's heart; I know that's what I'd be hoping, in your shoes. But the problem is that even if his heart melted temporarily at the first sight of his tiny daughter's enormous beauty and vulnerability, that alone would not work for long to keep him with you. He has two other children who have been crying their eyes out for him, and that hasn't worked to make him grow up.

That tiny baby will grow quickly; think how soon that newborn magic wears off. He will soon be faced with your tiredness, his lack of sleep, the chaos that a newborn brings, the lack of sex for a while and the general downside of new parenthood. It won't be enough to make him stay, if he isn't committed to putting right the wrong he did by getting involved with his whore. And she won't leave him alone; an unmarried other woman is a terrible, defiant, pathetic creature, with no husband or children of her own to think about, and only wanting the married man to make good on his promises to her. She thinks that her ability to turn around the commitment he once made to you and the kids is a sign of how much he loves her. His married state is an aphrodisiac and a challenge. She won't give up, and if she can contact him, she can lure him back.

If he isn't committed to rebuilding his marriage, starting with NC with her and continuing with extraordinary precautions for you, that moment when his new daughter grips his heart won't last for long. If you let him come around you while he plays the loving daddy, you might just as well be another subject of the Jerry Springer show - "my husband held my hand while I gave birth, then went home with his mistress who was waiting outside!"

Don't let that happen.

She only works on Fridays and Saturdays and she works the night shift. I assume I'll have to wait until Friday? Yes, she's a grown woman (26) whose parents still financially support her.

Sugarcane- You are so right. It's only been a couple of days, but so far we've had no contact. It's hurting my heart but making me stronger at the same time.

Regarding exposure-

When I caught WH and the OW leaving the hotel room, OW's brother (who just so happens to be my best friend's husband) had told me that he had filled in his parents on what was going on and that they were very angry.

When I got home that day, I had also sent out a Facebook message to them letting them know what I knew, my proof, and what I was hoping to accomplish by telling them (that they would use their influence over their daughter to get her to cease contact).

Fast forward three weeks and neither parent had ever read the message.

Until yesterday. Her dad finally did. And all hell broke loose.

I received a phone call from WH at 4 in the AM. I should have checked the caller ID before answering, but in my state of exhaustion I answered out of habit. He confused me because although he was questioning my motives in contacting her dad, he wasn't speaking to me angrily. I told him I had sent that message three weeks ago, when I caught them, and he just now read it. That I had sent it when I told everybody about their A. He asked that I leave her family out of it and said "Your problem is with me, so please bring your issues to me". Again, I was taken aback at how gentle he was speaking to me. I expected some angry insults.

Moving on to my big mistake.

I ended up texting the OW yesterday morning. I don't know why. I've been standing tall for weeks now, but yesterday I reached a breaking point. I couldn't stop the tears and I guess I just misdirected my anger.

I let her know just how much she has destroyed my family, how my kids are suffering, how my unborn baby will never have the chance to know her father, how WH's family thinks she is an immoral woman and want absolutely nothing to do with her. How I would make sure she never got a job using her degree (marriage/family counseling), etc.

I know I shouldn't have sent it. I should have went on as if she isn't a factor in my life. I acknowledge my mistake and won't make the same one again. I know that she owes me no loyalty and I should be angrier at WH than her. It's just that my anger with him is mixed in with my love for him, so it's more grief directed towards him as opposed to sheer anger (that I feel for her). I also understand that she knows full well what she was doing, and she doesn't care, so my text to her was pointless.

Anyways- she forwarded it to WH and he got angry. He called me and went off on me. How I'm trying to ruin this for him and do I really expect him to come crawling back to me even if I succeed in ruining their relationship? How he didn't leave me for her (ha-ha).. he was going to leave anyways, blah, blah. I ended up hanging up on him (mature, I know).

And, because I'm a glutton for punishment and apparently enjoy making my own life even harder, I allowed him to come over to see the kids last night after he got off of work. We got along and played together with the kids until it was time for him to leave. He tried to bring up the conversation regarding OW and asking me to direct all of my anger towards him, not her. I said that they both destroyed my life so why should I have any compassion for her? He said that she worked her @-- off for 6 years in school to get her degree and that it was childish of me to try to ruin her career. I simply replied that I owed her no favors. Then he threatened me financially. That if I didn't leave her alone, that if I didn't back off of my "mission to ruin her life", that he would "only give me the 30% that he would legally owe me financially" (as opposed to paying 100% of the bills as he has been since he left in January).

He knows that's my weak point. I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant, about to give birth at any time. He knows there is no way I can get a job any time soon, and that even when I do, I won't be worth much. He knows it will be a struggle for me to pay for everything on my own, even with his 30%. Basically he is trying to manipulate me. He told me that I can let this go and he will continue to support me fully (yeah, right.. until OW demands more $ from him) or I can "be childish" and he'll just give me what he legally owes.

I know that he cannot do that until the divorce is finalized, but it still scares me.

I feel like I royally messed up yesterday and now I don't know what to do. Obviously I'm going back into Plan B, but I feel like that's not enough.

Oh, I meant to add- I figured out her place of work. I reported to HR over a week ago, did a follow up earlier this week and was merely told that since she was not currently using her degree in their place of employment, nor was the "other man" an employee, there was nothing they could or would do.

I feel like a full exposure strengthened their affair if anything.

You're doing fine. You didn't do anything wrong, and I like all your responses. I hope you'll get a VAR so you can record him making threats like that in the future. It may seem like it's pushing them closer together right now, but it's unlikely to last. You've hit a nerve, and you've caused problems. That's a good thing.

Why did you break Plan B? That is why you feel like this. That is why a dark Plan B is so important. It helps the BS heal.

When will you be back into Plan B? Do you have a visitation schedule with the kids set up? Do you have an IM?

Have you spoken to a lawyer? You're a SAHM, correct? He will have to continue taking care of the kids financially.

He is mad because reality is intruding on his affair. Her parents probably want him gone ASAP. Really, who wants a man with a pregnant wife for their daughter? You are doing the right things.

I haven't read the whole thread. Do you have a legal agreement for finances yet?

Don't worry about it. Just go back into your Plan B. You have already exposed them, so just stop and let them stew. It will fall apart.

Don't have any contact with her or him again in any way, shape or form. Definitely do not let him come over. Go into a very dark plan B. No contact at all. You need that with the impending birth.

You did nothing wrong by sending this to POSOW. I don't know why you are beating yourself up over it so please stop if you are. Nothing wrong with telling an AP stuff like this.

Texas is an at fault state. You need to go consult an attorney ASAP. I divorced in Texas...the courts here tend to be very conservative and won't take kindly to your WH's adultery and abandonment of his family. There is no such thing as legal separation in Texas. You would have to file for divorce.

In Temporary Orders, your WH can be ordered to pay all the household bills in addition to child and spousal support. Adultery affects property division and custody. I even have a morals clause in my decree that my exWH can't ever bring his former whores around my children.

Please take care of yourself...and consult an attorney ASAP.

I may move.

See a lawyer! What a wonderful thing to be a fault state. Get those temporary orders, record him making threats and take him for everything he's got.

He's in lala land and thinks he just have whatever he wants. A little reality would be very good.