Don't go to the wedding.

Change your RSVP.....give your regrets that something has come up to change your plans. If asked.....that your husband is cheating on you and you are in crisis.

Did you speak to her parents when you exposed?

If this cultural group and the extended social life is THAT important to you then you need to expose to them. You need to see which parties will exclude him and only go hang out with the nice people who oppose adultery.

I don't know what culture you mean - but there are very few who cheerlead adultery!

I did a whopper of an exposure - the whole town knew and it was great. He had to leave the country.


I disagree - I think this made it more effective and the shame was immense.

I have an Asian friend who used to hide her boyfriends, especially white guys, from her parents. However she always planned to get married and to introduce anyone she became serios about. One of these guys is her husband now!

She can't day dream about that any longer. She can only cling onto the dying fantasy in desperation.

Besides, you shouldn't be concerned about her.

Or him. Until he gives you a reason to.

Brainhurts- I spoke to her mum and sister, the dad was not in unfortunately

Indiegirl- it's not that the culture would condone the affair- I meant that cis it's a small community we are bound to bump in to eachother at an event

I will probably decline the invite unless I get confirmation from the IM He's not going

I am so in limbo right now, one minute I think I can move on without him and feel I should as I do not believe I should be treated like this- especially the continuation in front of my face after I found out but he still blatently denies it, and the fact he is complete lying to her about me and as though I don't exist in his life- I can't take that, she believes he doesn't live with me still and I'm lying- who the fff is she to have any opinion on me and my life?!!

And then I look at how long we've been together, the history, the good times, the families, the plans for the future. I am so confused is it all just a lie? Do you think the fact he has lied so much about me and our situation to her show that he was/is really wanting to move on with her as his doing his best to keep her sweet but still say to me it's not her he wants he wants to be married to me?

Is there any point in bothering with him? Ahhhhgghg!

Limbo is normal. No contact will help you and leaves all options open.

What did her mum say when you exposed?

What do you mean by this? Is he still living with you?

Brainhurts- her mum said she is going to tell her to stop and she won't ever have him in her house

He's not living here now- not since I plan b'd nearly 2 weeks ago he hasn't, but I mean up until then I know for sure she still believed he hasn't lived with me for nearly a year and he is trying to divorce me- that's what he had told her. When I found out about the affair 3 months ago I spoke to her and told her that's not the case, she believed me at first but then a few weeks after I spoke to her and she believed him over me, said he tells her he doesn't live with me and I'm crazy and lying to her! and until I kicked him out a few weeks ago all of the bits of conversation I heard from thd recordings I set up showed she still believes it. Also the night I exposed I put a recording in the car and he was on the phone to her on loudspeaker - she was threatening him she was going to come to our flat to see for herself if he lived there and he went mad at her telling her not to. She never came but I wish she had the guts to to see all his stuff there with her own eyes.

Mary, this tells you she KNEW. Waywards do this. They tell each other unbelievable lies, pretend to believe it, then fight. They break up a lot. Without the drama they get bored of each other.

It's my belief the A started while they worked together and she knew full well. He's lied to her later on.

Her reaction is not that of a normal innocent girl whose been tricked.

Please tell me the gaps are blocked up now? So well he could die without your knowing?

Hiya

Your absolutely right- it' started and she knew and later on he lied and she believes it. The message history I've seen shows exactly that.

I know he met her on Friday too as I got the recorded convo from the car- so that shows she is still believing the lies and "waiting for the divorce to go through"

Is it too late to expose to more of her fb friends? I only exposed to about 5 of them- as these were the only ones I could see who commented on a photo. She has since been tagged in another photo which has opened up access to more names- I wanted to send the exposure to them too- looks like some family members in there too. This time I want to be more blatant about the lies about me being separated.

Door is fixed, and his number blocked.

You've done exposure, so drop it now and focus on you. You were Plan A ing for a very long time and your exposure was spectacular.



Stop snooping if you're still doing that. It's news which is 'light'. Send her a copy of your PB letter and then go dark. They are now none of your business.

What's going on with YOU? How are you taking care of yourself and making your world pleasant?

Have you gotten legal advice?

Thanks for asking

When I'm out the house doing my own thing I feel ok, but when I go home sometimes I just get wound up thinking about the lies and deception which still continue. I just want the lies to stop. The fact that the lies are about me and I'm been made out to be the liar is what is p!ssing me off the most.

I have been keeping busy though, socialising, family, got a new nephew this week which has helped to keep my mind in other things.

I called a solicitors last week but the initial consultation is �250 and to file for legal separation or divorce is �480 which I don't have right now. I'm conscious that I need to do something soon as you can't use adultery as a reason for divorce if it's been more than 6 months since discovered. We are nearing the end of the 4th month so I need to get some money together asap.

And I don't feel my exposure has had any effect as she has probably just hiding everything more from her family, and telling them im lying, and he is lying to his that he's not seeing her. I feel it has just "confirmed" to OW that I'm the bitter crazy one who's doing all I can to get my husband back and stop him divorcing me- which is not the case. It's been 2 weeks and she is still obsessed with him and waiting around, surely if it was effective she would have woken up to reality by now?

Mary your exposure was GREAT. The task now is YOU.

What do you think Plan B is for? It is to take care of you.

These first few weeks are the toughest. You will hurt. You don't feel it as much when you're still fighting. Stop fighting and get the withdrawal over with. You may need ADs.

You will certainly need funny movies/pedicures/great friends/a stack of treats.



Find it. Sell your rings if you have to. The best lawyers will give you a free initial consultation. Interview a few. They may advise you filing is unnecessary, but check.


The peace is worth every penny.



You can't wait around for him either. It can take up to two years for an A to fall apart. Do your grieving and start living your life now.