I also wanted to point out that the affair partners are gas lighting you. They tell you over and over again that you are crazy or appear to be and that no one will believe you.

Over time the BS starts to believe this.

They only rehearsed that speech for you. They don't expect to explain themselves to a lot of people. The same defense wont work once EVERYONE knows.

At the end of the day, he leaves his mistress and goes home to his wife. The mistress knows he does.

His story is a house of cards.

Please read this.
Please Explain Gaslighting

Well, a person with a consience would be expected to show some guilt once discovered, not to tell you to your face that you haven't seen what you have seen a few seconds ago. That is pretty creepy.

Yes the gas lighting.....so frustrating.

It's not working on me, I know I'm not crazy and this is what they are doing, it just winds be up that they are both stupid enough to think it's working on me

I actually can't wait to expose them now, I'm actually looking forward to shaming then to their families. I know exposure isn't meant to hurt the WS but I don't care- I want them both to suffer the embarrassment and pain I have when their own families turn on them. I know the WS family will believe me and turn on him- good!

MaryP16,

You wrote, I actually can't wait to expose them now, I'm actually looking forward to shaming then to their families. I know exposure isn't meant to hurt the WS but I don't care- I want them both to suffer the embarrassment and pain I have when their own families turn on them. I know the WS family will believe me and turn on him- good!

You are under no obligation to lie for your WW or the OW.

Actually if you look at it, it's unbelievable how many spouses support their wayward spouses "right" to privacy, and keep thing quiet.

It's assumed that the betrayed spouse will hide in the house and die on the inside because of all they have to suppress. Serial cheaters and chronic liars rely upon the embarrassment of their spouses. It's what I call the reverse victimization of an affair. We don't suppress exposure of bank robbers in the news, and they just steal money, neither should we fail to expose those who cause such abuse and pain.

God Bless
Gamma

When will you be exposing?

Oh you'll be OK.

In thinking I will expose next week- I'm not putting it off- but i am staying at my mums this weekend and I want to expose to everyone at the same time and her family are a 45 min drive from where I live. Their telephone number is ex directory so I have to go in person.

I will update when I do it- thanks for your responses.

I'd leave recorders around the house, and in his car.

Oh - and copy her Facebook friends list into a word doc if you can.

She will likely block you or take down her page once she realizes what you are doing.

Oh - and copy her Facebook friends list into a word doc if you can.

She will likely block you or take down her page once she realizes what you are doing.

Hi just an update. I have just returned from staying at my mums, and am planning exposure.

I have spoken with WH sister today, someone who he respects greatly and told her everything. She will not say anything to WH until I have done full exposure and she is 100% behind me on this.

Now my plan is to expose on Friday night when I know he will most likely meet the OW at the pub. Because I know he is lying to OW about us being together, I wanted to go to the pub with WH sister to expose him to the OW- when she sees his sister who will confirm we are not seperated she will know I'm not the crazy ex he claims.

I also want to do those with his sister as I sm concerned about his anger when returning to the house after- so I want her to be their physically to feel a bit safe.

So that's my first step of exposure, followed immediately by exposing to his whole family with his sister. and then immediate FB message to her friends/family. The only people I won't be able to get to is OWs parents as I do not have a car until Monday to drive the 45 minutes to their house I don't have a phone number for them. I can do this on Monday- do you think that will still be effective?

Also how much info can you put in an fb message without her doing me for harassment?

What is taking so long, just do it! Particularly since the news is leaking out. All you need to do is get the truth out there in one day - not stage a show.

It's also not recommended you confront him or her. We've gone over this - they know they are having an affair! They also need to hear it from other people while you are not there.

I am very leery of your plan relying on his sister. Even if she is on your side she could easily lose her temper or remonstrate with him before you get round to expose.

Just give her OWs number and ask her to call her and oppose the A after exposure. That's far more effective than a pub showdown.

No that gives them loads of time to prepare a case against you first. Just do it NOW and ask a supporter to give you a lift up there.



Harassment involves contacting someone repeatedly - you won't be contacting OW at all and her friends just the once.

It also involves threats etc. It isn't against the law to tell the truth civilly in any free country. Just avoid insults and threats - the template exposure letters are your guide.

You are FAR more likely to get into legal trouble during the pub showdown where the witnesses will disagree. With written exposure you have a record of what was said.

x 2

You seem very hung up on letting the OW know that you and WH are together...why? OW are dumb and will believe what they want to believe. Don't try to control OW's stupidity. It is irrelevant what OW thinks.

By going to a Pub or Bar to "Confront" your Wayward Husband and his OW, you will be tipping them off to the probability of further Exposures.

You NEED for them to get broadsided without ANY prior notice.

The OW may or may not give a darn if you are still with your WH. She really DOES NOT CARE.

What can happen in a drinking environment when you back them into a corner?

That setting IS NOT APPROPRIATE!!!

Let the Exposure Target contact them. THAT is how Exposure destroys the Fantasy Secret Second Lifestyle AND the Affair.

Taking your S-I-L along I is a BAD idea. Use her for support. Instruct her to voice her disgust and outrage in his current behavior. Have her let it be known that the PISOW will NEVER b err welcome in her presence. But, on her own, not with you in tow.

LTL

Yes it will be far more effective to have her family confront OW and ask her why she is being so purposely dumb.

OW would believe his sister is crazy too if she gets to keep the A going.

Thanks guys

Your right I am hung up on her knowing the truth - I really can't take the fact that she really thinks I'm the crazy ex who won't let go. I'm worried that this is what everyone else will think when I expose. I really want to get this right and not come across as the bitter ex trying to get revenge. I will post my draft FB message shortly

After exposure what do you suggest I di? Go to plan b and kick him out? Even though I don't think he will leave. How do I deal with the aftermath of the angry WH especially if we are in the same house?

Mary, you don't need to compete with the trash. OW thrive on competing. You tell the truth, and let her accept the ramifications.

Do not let yourself be drawn into a pissing match over him. You're his wife, there is no contest.

Dr. Harley recommends plan B after six weeks or less, for women. You've known 3 months. Personally I'd recommend now, you've got a cake eater H and you/ow are fighting over him. I think for your sake, plan B.