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Ok does anyone know if FB messaging works the same in the UK.? I have never seen a payment option to avoid the message going to spam

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Originally Posted by MaryP16
Ok does anyone know if FB messaging works the same in the UK.? I have never seen a payment option to avoid the message going to spam

Are you sending the PM's from a PC? It doesn't work if you it on a mobile device.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Ok, I will have to do it from work as I've only got an iPad at home.

How can I do plan B if he won't move out?we are joint owners so he is within his legal rights to not leave.i know he won't go - I will try, and will enlist the help of his family to get him out, but if he doesn't go how can I do plan B? Is it even possible whilst living in the same home?

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If you're on an iPad, visit Facebook in Safari and tap the menu in the top right corner. Scroll to the bottom and tap the Desktop Site link.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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Originally Posted by MaryP16
Ok, I will have to do it from work as I've only got an iPad at home.

How can I do plan B if he won't move out?we are joint owners so he is within his legal rights to not leave.i know he won't go - I will try, and will enlist the help of his family to get him out, but if he doesn't go how can I do plan B? Is it even possible whilst living in the same home?

Plan B cannot be implemented while living together.

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Originally Posted by MaryP16
Thanks guys

Your right I am hung up on her knowing the truth - I really can't take the fact that she really thinks I'm the crazy ex who won't let go. I'm worried that this is what everyone else will think when I expose. I really want to get this right and not come across as the bitter ex trying to get revenge. I will post my draft FB message shortly

After exposure what do you suggest I di? Go to plan b and kick him out? Even though I don't think he will leave. How do I deal with the aftermath of the angry WH especially if we are in the same house?


Worrying what some skank thinks of you doesn't even make your to do list. Be strategic.

If he isn't willing to end his affair, he will probably go off to comfort OW.That's when you change the locks.

If he stays in the house to rant and rave just ignore him and treat him like he's drunk. You could say you need him to leave because your family are coming over to comfort you. That should get him out long enough to change the locks.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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My ex is still a joint owner!

He will get his cut, but it is no longer his home. He isn't welcome here.

If he wants his half he can see a lawyer who will tell him he has very few rights and he will have to wait for a property settlement.


Last edited by indiegirl; 02/26/15 04:02 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Here is the fb exposure I was going to send- what do you think?

Dear all,

For those who don't know me I am the wife of Xxxxx xxx- the man xxxx xxxx has been having affair with.

I feel I need to let her friends and family know has been happening, as I have given her every opportunity to walk away from this mess but unfortunately she is still willing to have an affair with a married man. I think it's only fair to warn those of you who are married you need to be careful of her around your husbands as she obviously doesn't value people's marriages.

Obviously she will probably deny this as no doubt now people know she will be ashamed, or maybe even convince you that she thought he was separated and play the innocent victim. However if anyone would like me to send them proof just let me know, I have their what's app message history of her stating that she is his "pregnant mistress" and she wants him to leave his wife, I also have recordings of her with him in my car, getting "physical" to put it politely and discussing their "future" together and planning holidays.

As for proof of me and my husband not being separated, and living together- I think the marriage certificate we have in place says that all.

I have spoken to her and advised that she is interfering in a marriage she knows nothing about, and basing her future on a life with a married man who has never been separated or asked for a divorce. And until this day refuses a divorce or to leave our home. unfortunately that is a situation only I can deal with, it would be a lot simpler if she removed herself from the equation, it's quite sad that she does not want to believe the truth when it's staring her in the face.

And in continuing the affair she is not having any regard for the part she is playing in messing with someone's marriage, family, life and future- she needs to accept responsibility for the part she has willingly played, and face the consequences of people knowing the truth.

I suggest, as her friend, you may want to offer her some support and advice, give her a bit of a reality check, rather than let her continue to wait around for a married man who is trying to have his cake and eat it.

What happens now with me and my husband is quite frankly nothing to do with her. It's probably going to be very hard for her knowing that she is just plan B, but that's what happens when you knowingly become someone's mistress.

I will be dealing with him also, that's another story. but it takes 2 to tango and she was more than willing to believe she could convince a man to leave the woman he has been with for 9 years, for a fling. Of course he has given her the usual lines of being in an unhappy marriage, false promises of being with her and leaving etc etc but that's what men say when they are having an affair to make their mistress feel a bit better about themselves and not just the side piece being used for having cheap easy sex in cars.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know she will probably try to make out i am the "crazy ex" who won't let her husband go, but I can assure you that's not the case and if you wish I can provide you her message history of her pushing for the affair, and also my own message history with my husband throughout showing the usual affectionate messages and day to day chit chat that happens between a married couple, including the fact we were in the process of buying a house.

Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.




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Way too long and way too defensive. No one else is going to gaslight you about being a crazy separated wife (like that matters!) That is only something cheaters do. There may be some cheaters among your exposure targets - but don't credit this accusation with the dignity of referring to it at all.



Originally Posted by MaryP16
Dear all,

For those who don't know me I am the wife of Xxxxx xxx- the man xxxx xxxx has been having affair with.

I feel I need to let her friends and family know has been happening, as I have given her every opportunity to walk away from this mess but unfortunately she is still willing to have an affair with a married man. I think it's only fair to warn those of you who are married you need to be careful of her around your husbands as she obviously doesn't value people's marriages.

Obviously she will probably deny this as no doubt now people know she will be ashamed, or maybe even convince you that she thought he was separated and play the innocent victim. However If anyone would like me to send them proof just let me know, I have their what's app message history of her stating that she is his "pregnant mistress" and she wants him to leave his wife, I also have recordings of her with him in my car, getting "physical" to put it politely and discussing their "future" together and planning holidays.

As for proof of me and my husband not being separated, and living together- I think the marriage certificate we have in place says that all.

I have spoken to her and advised that she is interfering in a marriage she knows nothing about, and basing her future on a life with a married man who has never been separated or asked for a divorce. And until this day refuses a divorce or to leave our home. unfortunately that is a situation only I can deal with, it would be a lot simpler if she removed herself from the equation, it's quite sad that she does not want to believe the truth when it's staring her in the face.



And in continuing the affair she is not having any regard for the part she is playing in messing with someone's marriage, family, life and future- she needs to accept responsibility for the part she has willingly played, and face the consequences of people knowing the truth.



Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know she will probably try to make out i am the "crazy ex" who won't let her husband go, but I can assure you that's not the case and if you wish I can provide you her message history of her pushing for the affair, and also my own message history with my husband throughout showing the usual affectionate messages and day to day chit chat that happens between a married couple, including the fact we were in the process of buying a house.

Maybe add - This discovery has been devastating to my very happy marriage and a shocking blindside - we were in the process of buying our dream home together and my husband assures me daily of his love, not knowing what I have found out.

Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.

Last edited by indiegirl; 02/26/15 03:54 PM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Oh and as for responding to people - keep it to "Thankyou for your kind support - here is the evidence" or if that does not apply just press delete!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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You might want to add that they were working together a year ago (?) and you discovered the affair recently.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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That is way too long. Indie cut it down a lot already but I would not mention the specific evidence you have, especially that you recorded them in his car. I would simply say you have evidence.



BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Maybe add - This discovery has been devastating to my very happy marriage and a shocking blindside - we were in the process of buying our dream home together and my husband assures me daily of his love, not knowing what I have found out.


I would rephrase the bold or just toss it...this was not a happy marriage.

Mary, are you going to divorce this man or are you still trying to salvage the marriage?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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She's doing exposure before deciding.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by black_raven
That is way too long. Indie cut it down a lot already but I would not mention the specific evidence you have, especially that you recorded them in his car. I would simply say you have evidence.


Normally I'd agree but that stuff is gold - so embarrassing. That's more what you're after with OWs contacts. Embarrassment rather than seeking support.

Just my two pence.




What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Mary, what's going on? Is today the day?

If your letter is the hang up, don't worry. It really doesn't need to be any fancier or more detailed than:


***********************


Dear friend of OW,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that OW is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW
_________________________

See, I like your examples of proof, but it really doesn't matter all that much. She knows the proof is likely to be embarrassing and it's an internal fit of panic you're trying to create.

Do keep that in mind. It matters not a not what these people think of you (though you can be surprised at how kind people are) all that matters is that she knows they've been told it's an affair.

If you've done that, and identified your husband the future of their relationship is either dead or will involve a stressful amount of bluffing which will fool no one.

All you have to do is what I do at work - KISS
Keep it simple, stupid!

Hugs to you, brave girl.

Last edited by indiegirl; 02/27/15 04:48 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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MaryP16 Offline OP
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I am going to decide after exposure what happens

One thing I'm concerned about is that here in the UK it is illegal to post on the Internet videos - it's known as revenge porn and can carry a prison sentence https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-law-to-tackle-revenge-porn

Although what I have is voice recordings rather than visuals, could I be setting myself up by even mentioning I have this evidence and sending it to anyone who requests it?

And indie girl is right- I feel I don't want to ask her fb friends for support- I don't want to seem like a doormat- I'm seeking to embarrass and cause her shame

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Any decent person will automatically support a betrayed wife.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by MaryP16
I am going to decide after exposure what happens

One thing I'm concerned about is that here in the UK it is illegal to post on the Internet videos - it's known as revenge porn and can carry a prison sentence https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-law-to-tackle-revenge-porn

Although what I have is voice recordings rather than visuals, could I be setting myself up by even mentioning I have this evidence and sending it to anyone who requests it?

And indie girl is right- I feel I don't want to ask her fb friends for support- I don't want to seem like a doormat- I'm seeking to embarrass and cause her shame


It is still probably obscene and therefore can't be 'publicly' shared. There might be a bit of foreground in the run up to the obscene stuff that can be safely shared.

You aren't publicly sharing it, but mentioning it and then inviting people to contact you for it might put you in contravention If what you showed people was obscene.

It's a good point and a law I wasn't familiar with - as a journalist I never published obscene material!

Maybe just change it to 'evidence' or 'evidence of them getting together in my car' then make sure what you give people is the 'chatting' portion not anything obscene.




What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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MaryP16 Offline OP
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Thanks guys
Yes I'm going to do it this evening whilst they are out- so I know I can go to her parents and she won't be there, and I will take my work laptop home to have time to do the fb message

One more thing- can I not do it through the fb instant messenger app on my phone? I'm sure most of these people are on messenger now, and there is no spam folder I can see in fb messenger

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