Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by axslinger85
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
I take my kids skating regularly and I watch most adults sit down and be on their phones. For hours.

Those are people with impulse control problems, IMO. I see that as a bigger problem than just Facebook. For all we know they might be playing Angry Birds or whatever else is on their phone. They've just decided that entertaining themselves constantly is more important than living in the world around them.

Some of us are chatting with our spouses smile
Or helping people in crisis on a marriage forum ....

Perhaps.
but I suspect they are wasting their time on facebook and games.
When my cousins child was in the hospital, I mailed a letter to him and his wife.
Never heard anything until I saw him a few months later.
With tears in his eyes, he thanked me for the letter. He told me he received a lot of comment on facebook during that time but only 2 handwritten letters: one from my grandmother and the other from me.
He said it meant so much to receive letter.

Social media is Changing relationships and communication in a bad way.
I use md to be fascinated by it but now im philosophically opposed to it

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
^Agree


Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 208
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 208
It is interesting how you can track the progress of an affair with facebook and social media. My WW used to have a facebook account and at least every couple of weeks she would post sweet "I love you" messages on my wall. Right around the time her affair began, she stopped doing that. That was also the time when she stopped saying "I love you" to me entirely. A few months later, she closed her own facebook account and opened up a twitter account where she would communicate with OM and his circle of friends. On her facebook, she had lots of family members as her friends, but none on Twitter. Twitter was all about her secret second life.


DDay - July 25, 2013
DDay #2 - January 27, 2014
DDay #3 - June 29, 2014
BS - Me, 39
WW - Her, 36
5 kids
Married 17 yrs.
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
Soo....update.

Obviously my D is final at this point.

I did keep FB, and I did keep my old account. I removed everyone from my friends list that was not a supporter of mine post exposure, as well as ex's entire family. Not to be rude, just because I don't care about what's going on in their lives anymore and I don't want updates or to see/hear about them. All the best to them, but that's in the past for me.

I decided to make an announcement about the divorce when it was final. Tried to make it classy and even-keeled, but I did tell the full truth about the where/when/why. Put a short apology in for the people who supported us and came to our wedding (not for the A, just that we ended up divorced), and a thank you to everyone who had supported me from my church, circle of friends and family. Took no cheap shots at my ex, simply stated what she did (along with stating that MB advice helped me try to bust up the affair and win her back) and left it at that.

WHY do this? A few reasons I did:

- Lots of people my age I know will divorce and then pretend nothing happened, no explanation. Is it their business what happened...yes, but if they are Christians, I expect more. We're the ones saying marriage is sacred. In one case I know a guy who I think was a BH that decided to D his wife immediately, uncontested. Brief announcement of D with no explanation, and then a month later they both post selfies with new romantic interests. My hunch on him being betrayed was that she was pregnant with OMs child only a few months later. In any case, this dude was a leader in his church and I thought it was all pretty shady. So yeah, I wanted people to know exactly what had happened. I think that's integrity in this circumstance to be forthright.

- Just so people knew THAT we were divorced, since I will be dating eventually. I exposed broadly, but not to everyone. Well, until now I guess.

- I have a small friends list. I don't just go add people willy-nilly. If you aren't my friend in real life and we never communicate online or otherwise, I'm not adding you on FB. I don't really care if we went to middle school together or whatever.

- Never know who else's marriage is in trouble and needs MB.

In any case, it has definitely been worth it to post that blurb. More support from people, people thanking me for telling them because they had no idea, people wanting to get together with me to check in on me, etc etc. As a non-MB sidenote, I also wanted to do this because God has been my anchor through this and given me so much in grace, joy and peace and I wanted to share that testimony with people. Marriage is very difficult sometimes I thought that might reach someone in my friends who's maybe going through an unspoken battle and encourage them. Also, I wanted to give God due credit.

What I'm going to do with the account is keep it for now. I untagged myself from ex's family's photos (there were a lot...my MIL was someone who photographed every get together and posted), but everything else I just left for now. It's the truth, it's what really happened, so why worry about it.

I figure when I date and remarry, if my new partner wants me to nuke the profile or FB all together, I will gladly oblige. For now I hang onto it because it's critical to my activities in my own family and at my church. Group messaging, etc. Sooo...yeah. That's what I did.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Ax its interesting you say that about how people are left in question when divorce is announced willy nilly with no explanation.

H and I have a couple that are friends. The husband was one of H's friends in high school and he and his wife have been dating since high school, so we have known them a long time. H was in their wedding which we attended together, a newly married couple ourselves. We are in communication with them but not on a regular basis over the years.

One day recently the wife posted on FB that they were divorcing, but with no other information. I was shocked in that they are the 'seems like a perfect couple' couple that you never expect it from (although I know better). Of course, I always wonder if infidelity plays a role right away. Anyway, I messaged the wife, not with questions but just with a 'very sorry to hear' kind of message. She never messaged me back. I DO feel a little bit like, although it is none of my business, I wish I knew what happened. Not because I am nosey but because I cared about them as a couple and really value marriage and valued their marriage and now its just...over.

So I for one think you did the right thing with your FB post.

Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 11
B
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 11
Agree with unwritten. Did the right thing.


Well.. long story short - went through hell and back... and i am happy i didn't give up. It was on the brink of collapse... lost weight and everything, but turned around. It was amazing turn around. But now happy.. with 2 kids and going strong ! Thanks for all the souls who helped me then ! One thing I realized is - yes you do need expert help !
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,352 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5