A letter is better, because it will have more impact. How long you wait is up to you. Between 95 and 98 percent of affairs end within two years. The remaining two to five percent may last three years or they may last a lifetime. There's simply no way to know. If you want to wait, the recommended time frame is up to two years.

An affair can take two years to fall apart. 95 pc do in that time scale. This is an amount of time more appropriate for people with kids, though I'd say.

For you I'd say he has six months to come to his senses before you lose interest. You're going to feel much better by then and you aren't going to waste your time as a young woman. That's what happened with me.

In fact, Dr H says to most childless young women to think 'what's good for me'? We are just as committed to our marriages as the mothers, but Plan B is so very good at healing you it makes you impatient to move on.

In fact you could file for divorce now. You wouldn't have to finalize until you were ready, it would just save time for you later.

Either way you should see a lawyer about your separation and protection of your finances meantime.

Yes, Dr H places a firm deadline on two years - he says the spouse should divorce then because reconciliation is so unlikely after two years.

I've blocked his number from my mobile and unplugged the house phone- which I never use anyway

The key on the inside didn't work- he just came back - I didn't say anything. He asked if I knew where something of his was with an aggressive attitude about him- I just shook my head

He left. I sent him a message asking him not to come back and I mean it I don't want any contact with him. He just replied "no f***ing way"

He is a vindictive a**hole. I'm away with work as of tomorrow until Thursday. I can change the locks then when he is at work. When do I send plan b letter? There's no point until I can change the locks otherwise he can just keep coming back

I don't actually want to see his face it winds me up

Mary you might want to think about installing a very simple alarm system. I put one on the house when I changed the locks (tumblers, easy to do those yourself). You need a professional installer for the alarm but it can be a really simple system on any door which he has a key to. No need to do the windows.

That way if he employs a locksmith to come over and let him in because he has 'lost his key' while you are at work, locksmith will be surprised when the alarm starts screeching. When WH looks confused and does not appear to know how to turn off the alarm, locksmith will realise he has been duped. In the meantime both you and the police will have been notified and will be on your way.

I also put in an outdoor webcam but that may be overkill.

Actually, I don't want to plug a particular company, but I use Simplisafe, and you can install it yourself very easily. You own the equipment, and the monthly monitoring fees are dirt cheap compared to the big names (but they use the same monitoring companies).

I think you're right about not sending the Plan B letter until you can ensure there's not going to be any more contact.

Yes, that's why you need Plan B. The vindictiveness and aggression are pretty typical when the world is falling down around his ears and you aren't playing ball anymore.

Dont send the letter until your preps are ready.

I have to say though, I'd be concerned about him moving her in during your absence. She'll be getting a lot of heat from her family and he's in vile mode.

Is there anyone who can come over and house sit until your locksmith does his job? It should only take an hour. He doesn't need to see the owner - just an existing key for the premises. Something I found I had to do as well was to tell work. You won't be a hundred per cent for a number of weeks.

The Plan B letter from SAA is in the Plan B thread under the Plan B samples thread.

Are you getting the locks changed tomorrow?

He defo won't bring her here- he doesn't know I'm away for work and I will not tell him where I am and he won't be able to get through to me to find out.
I just don't get this attitude like I've done something wrong- Its making my blood boil
I'm not going to engage in any conversation if he comes back this evening - I will stay in the other room.

I hate him right now he makes me sick. It's like he has changes personality to an evil psycho since I found out. He has never been horrible to me before I found out- I just can't get my head round this and how someone can suddenly turn so bitter and nasty

Mary, can you use that feistyness to be very determined with yourself? Don't lose your temper with him - he will try to bait you to and you must be very firm, cool and not engage with him. Think of him like a drunk who has had the bottle taken away. He doesn't even know what he's saying.

Your coolness will be far scarier to him.





Be logical. He was being VERY nasty to you all along - it's just that it was hidden and he was able to compartmentalize his two worlds.

Now it's all out in the open and the only chance he's got to get back his two women addiction is to make you feel powerless and worthless. It does actually work on some BWs! Not you, I'm guessing.

Wow my H was so aggressive. It was like he didn't know me at all - and he didn't. All waywards behave the same.

You know what though, he was packing up his stuff in a room with a voice recorder and all the aggression was gone. He was weeping - and he still wasn't strong enough to break his addiction.

That's what you're dealing with.

This guy isn't weeping he shows no emotion or signs that he is even hurting or has a conscience. He's just angry he is being exposed to everyone he's a liar, and all he seems covered about is still trying to convince everyone he's not lying!

What happened in the end with you indie girl? Did you work things out/ seperate/divorce?

All waywards are angry once they've been exposed.

Are you changing the locks tomorrow?

Have you seen this?
Craziest things to come out of a wayward's piehole

That's the way the addiction always behaves in front of the one who is its destroyer. Mean eyes. Disgusted face.

When you're not around, he weeps like a little girl.



The exposure killed the A (publicly at least) but he didn't comply with even one thing and was a horror to be around, much like yours.

I filed straight away and within a few months pushed to finalise. I told my IM I didn't want to hear anything about reconciliation post divorce - I wanted to date.

He's tried to get in touch with me a number of times over a couple of years but I always managed to block it - he even showed up at the house one Christmas.. The guy who wouldn't even look at me post exposure! He has got the message now, particularly as I'm with someone else.

This is my thread...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2516378

When I got here I didn't even know there WAS an affair... The vets here diagnosed it!

The cheek of these people to be so angry at the innocent party- mind boggling

I can't get the locks changed until Friday - I have a 6am flight tomorrow and I'm back Thursday evening

I think I will do it on Saturday- there is a family dinner at his parents so I know he will be out. Also they live a 30 second walk round the corner so I know once he reads the letter stating I've changed the locks he will try and come round and probably force his way in- at least I can call his brother to come and remove his a** from my doorstep

sounds good but DO change your number. Blocking won't do because he will simply call you from a different number.

Even the dumbest wayward can figure out how to do that. You will also be waiting to see if he makes the effort to jump such a low fence. You'll know whether he does or doesn't - the goal is to have no knowledge of his actions.

Make it impossible. New email, block social media. Throw away anything he has handwritten!

He hasn't come back tonight - the message I sent back to him after he replied "no f***ing way" was

"You are not living here with me anymore, I don't want to see you or speak to you. The flat will be sold and you will get your share. Accept it - you can't expect to have an affair in front of my face and still live here as husband and wife - it's not going to happen. "

Do you think I ha e messed up? Will I still be able to plan b after sending that?