Wounded,

that was harsh, but I understand why you say it.
We are all concerned about PWMS and her son.
It is not easy to take the difficult decision, when your feelings are telling you something else as your intelligence.

Horses flee back into their burning stable, because it is the place they know and feel comfortable with when faced with a stressing situation. We humans have the ability to use our intelligence to override our emotions.

Let us all pray that she can save her son a life of hardship and emotional abuse.

I'm sorry but that's rape. You and he both know that unless you do as youre told his temper will come back.

X100 get to an unknown address and get legal advice.

Even if these papers are legal and real.....a good lawyer can negotiate a much better outcome for your son other than whatever lawyer was hired on the other side has planned for him. Get a lawyer through the women's shelter. They know how to deal with manipulation.

Your boyfriend-ex's control is an illusion. Leave with your son, get your own legal advice, and he is no longer in control.

You are worth more than this, PWMS. We all desperately want to be loved and cared for and to connect with someone intimately. This is not love. Not even a tiny bit. There is real love waiting for you. Be strong enough to reach out for a new life and take your son with you until you have a lawyer and counselors advice to when and how it is healthy for your son to see his father.

Harsh? Maybe.. Reminding her of things she's said in this very thread? Absolutely. I hope she wakes up, and soon, before she ruins both her and her son's lives.

Or rather, stands on the sideline while he ruins all of their lives...

Hard not to shout while someone is frozen on the train tracks...

PWMS,

we are all hoping that you are still among the living.
Maybe God wants to tell you something by letting you get stuck while driving back to the abusive boyfriend situation...

Pwms,

Please contact a DV shelter.big you aren't ready to leave, they can still support you until you are.

I've worked with DV victims and I can see you aren't ready to leave. You still cling to the honeymoon hope, like other victims. I do pray you come around, before cps decides that your child is in a dangerous situation. Women do lose their children over this, whether child services, homicide, or their child becoming a drug-induced violent mess as they grow up around such dysfunction.

Good luck, but please let us know when you are serious.

Bingo. Watching a train wreck happen and doing nothing is not something I make a habit of doing.

pleasewearmyshoe,

have you arrived at your destination yet?
Are you doing OK?

Everything is going well actually. We are "home"... and getting along better than ever. He has remained calm and collected, patient,kind and affectionate. Usually the smallest things would set him off throughout the day, now nothing sets him off. There are no guns or drugs or outbursts. He spends every moment off work with me. And we do bible studies together multiple times a day. he does not have a cell phone and only has access to mine (along with the Internet) under my supervision. I do love for him and care for him very much and do wish to keep my family together. I do have dreams of a whole new life... a more successful, more attractive companion.. but I always have wanted something I didn't have... and it feels like sinning to follow such selfish desires if he has truly changed for us.. I know that my choice makes no sense to any of you. But I DO know this man and he really is a good person. If he wasn't then he would have had the papers served without trying to work it out first... he would have drove cross country to visit his son and to apologize sincerely for all the wrongs he has done to me. He would have pushed himself on me, instead of talking with me for hours and then offering a hand to hold if a felt anything for him.. if not then he was willing to leave me alone. And he did. I don't know if this is what I want or not but i feel like it's the right thing to do if he really has completely changed. Only time will tell if he starts changing back to his old self. But I have learned to recognize, address and stand up to abuse and deceit. And I know when the right time is to leave, and I do not believe that is now. I now have all of the resources and the courage to leave if I notice an ounce of anything but respect and loyalty for me. And I swear I will leave if I have any gut feeling for such. I realize that I have exhausted many of your efforts and compassion, but please know that it has not been unrecieved. I do believe in preparations and defensives because of the past, but I do not wish to dwell in the past when I am trying to move forward. I can only take one day at a time. And this day, I am happy.

It's your life.

^^^ Yup and only time will tell until he shows his true colors again. I do hope your son is protected.

Good luck to you.

You do Bible studies together?
What does the Bible say about fornication?

It makes perfect sense that you would want him to turn into a good person and you won't have to turn your whole life upside down.

We are merely concerned, that the effort on his part will not be sustained by him and the (temporal) change is just the honeymoon part of the cyle of abuse (you can google that) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

Dr. Harley always states, that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. This is our concern. Real change takes effort and the fact that he is still making excuses for past behaviour (as I gather from your writings) does not signify new insights.

It is totally understandable that you want the change to be real. But you should at least plan a different route for the scenario that this good time is temporary and you will be at his mercy if he thinks ahead faster than you and gets a legal hold on your son.

You can also reconcile while having your own place, just saying...

Good luck. I cant help you anymore. I wish the best for your little son.

I have absorbed the advise. As well as looked into the cycle of abuse. I am aware that I may very likely be experiencing the honeymoon phase. And if it proves to be the case, then I will indeed leave FOR GOOD. I am preparing myself to do so, in case the time comes. Again I appreciate everything you have done for me, and do not take it for granted one bit. My return may appear as a hopeless failure, but I am sure that I am a changed, stronger woman who will NOT put up with an ounce of abuse against myself nor my son

I asked you what Dr H said when you told him about this man turning up with his mother. What did Dr Harley advise?

I don't see any reason to believe you would live that long. The abuse gets worse every time you escape and are recaptured.

He won't give you the opportunity to get away next time.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he killed all three of you and he could do it while you sleep or the next time he's driving.

I wrote about hundreds of women like you as a journalist. they were all strong! One was a women's rights campaigner. She had never been hit.

She was burned in her bed along with her daughters and her arsonist husband.

She just forgot to attend to the teeny weeny priority of leaving a suicidal and controlling man.

When I said that, I KICKED MY ABUSIVE HUSBAND OUT OF THE HOUSE. I did not allow him the oppurtunity to abuse me any further.

You are not doing that. You have the potential to be a strong woman who stands up for herself, but you are currently not showing that strength. Strong women do not go home to an abusive boyfriend.