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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Please relax. You've done nothing wrong and its not like she was fawning over you beforehand.
Just say you love her and are too invested to just ignore her unhappiness. You are doing all you can to find out what is upsetting her and will do anything she needs. If she brings up cleaning, don't snort with disbelief, just say 'sure thing' soothingly.
If you 'suck at snooping' it may be time to call in a professional.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
. She says she is going to file for legal separation. Well I hope you feel special. They usually threaten divorce to scare you off. Never bother filing though.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 10 |
I'm going to be NC for a while I think.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe she was telling the truth, but then she is the victim of the most unfortunate and odd set of circumstances ever. No she is sticking to the cheater's script exactly. One man was caught in bed with OW. He got up, got dressed, left for a few hours, came home and told his wife she'd been having hallucinations. And threatened divorce. Yada yada.
Last edited by indiegirl; 03/26/15 03:19 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I'm going to be NC for a while I think. What on earth do you mean?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Here is my top ten of things waywards lie about
1) It was an EA only
It was a PA, but if I tell you the truth that will have to stop and you will probably leave me.
2)It was a PA, but we only did it once/oral/kissing
I minimimize what I am ashamed of, though there is no logic in doing so.
3)It is your fault for not meeting my ENs
This makes me feel less guilty about my non existent boundaries with the opposite sex
4)Our marriage has been miserable for years
This makes me feel less guilty about my non existent boundaries with the opposite sex
5)I do not love you - I love the OP
I have betrayed my morals and everything I once believed in. I must love the OP - or else I am just stupid for risking so much. Actually I am just greedy and stupid. Dont tell anyone.
6)I want a divorce
But I will not bother filing. This is an idle threat to scare you into submission.
7) She/he is just a friend
That I value more than your discomfort with their presence.
8) I need privacy, that's all
So I can cheat on you
9) I dont need an NC letter because there is no contact
Please dont make me give up my cake
10)You are jealous/controlling/demanding
You are getting really warm and I dont like it. This is the usual script. Right now she's using 6 and 7. When you get more she'll use 1 and 5.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Well I f'd it up big time. She caught me snooping on her phone. I spilled about how I found the stuff and she of course denied anything. Now she is really pissed and I didn't get it uncovered. I know you said you can't afford a PI, but can you borrow some money to hire one? Have you bought a VAR? Please answer these questions.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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