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I get Dr. Harley's advice and I also get that I may never get married again, but it is really hard to accept that I wouldn't have any possibility of a romantic relationship until I am 48. I see people on these boards make it work, but I wouldn't go in naively at all. One thing I found out recently...my church uses his needs/her needs for premarital counseling. So maybe there is hope. I don't know. I just have to tell myself that I have 6 months- one year of divorce proceedings before this is even an issue. I'll come back to Black Raven and Susie Q on the subject then. I know BR has a boyfriend and Susie doesn't date. What? I do date and am friends with single men that I talk to, but I don't intend to get married and I DO NOT mix my children with my dating life, period. They have already been through hell and they don't have any desire. Hi Susie, I'm not trying to be argumentative at all or disregard any advice. I was just thinking about my struggles with the thought out loud. The clips that were given by Dr. H advocated no dating at all for single moms. So that is what I thought you were getting at. I assumed that you didn't date because you mentioned the clips. Sorry for that assumption. And I am on the same page with both of you about introducing children. I would never do that unless a man was super serious about wanting to marry me. So, I get it. Thanks for the advice.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I thought Dr. H told you that being married in your case would be a good idea given the health issues...but that WH wasn't that guy. If I got that wrong, please correct me. Yes, he did. I had forgotten about that. Again, I was not attempting to make arguments to justify anything. I'll consult Dr. Harley later about the issue once I am divorced and decide then whether or not to even attempt dating .
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Yes, do. I'd love to hear his thoughts on that issue.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Since this is the OT forum, I'd also add this perspective to the discussion:
The apostle Paul says if you can handle living the chaste lifestyle, that is better as a Christian. It is better for your walk with God if you can get away with it.
But if you can't, it is better to be married than just burn with passion, because of what temptations you can fall into in that scenario.
I ain't wired for the priest or monk gig. Yes, 2nd marriages often fail but it is what it is. I wasn't made for the "forever single" strategy. So despite the risks I know getting married again is my destination. I think you feel the same way from what I'm reading. I think other posters are urging caution more than necessarily saying you can't get remarried.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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The clips that were given by Dr. H advocated no dating at all for single moms. So that is what I thought you were getting at. No...the clip I shared he talks about the dangers of remarriage. Whatever you decide is fine. I like to share the advice because I think it's important to know the risk involved with 2nd marriage - which is Dr Harley's whole point (there is no real risk involved with "dating" besides the risk of it leading to marriage). The amount of blended family troubled marriages I have seen on MB101 over the years is terrifying. Not to mention the number of people I have seen who end up putting their children on the back burner because they get swept up in romance and/or involve their children in their dating life (here on the forum and IRL) is completely disturbing to me. I like the way BR did it (waiting 9 mos, making sure she was in a stable relationship) but most do not do it that way.
Last edited by SusieQ; 04/21/15 03:00 PM.
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Sorry, the clips that Brainhurts put up said for single mothers not to date.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Oh that is good one. Wasn't that a poster who finally went into Plan B with her WH?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Again, thanks for the advice. I'm not actually there yet at all, so I'll leave all these questions about dating and marriage for later.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Again, thanks for the advice. I'm not actually there yet at all, so I'll leave all these questions about dating and marriage for later.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Oh that is good one. Wasn't that a poster who finally went into Plan B with her WH? Yes, I believe so 
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