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Ginger,

I just want to say, you're amazing!! It took you just a few short weeks to get into Plan B and begin protecting yourself! It took me ages to do that, so I admire your grit and fortitude.



Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Nobody cares what the drunk guy thinks.


I have to say I agree with selling the restaurant - they practically made it the affair nest and it is forever tainted anyway. Plus it neatly pulls the rug out from under her 'Im the boss fantasy'.

Spending some time with friends this week? Doing anything nice for yourself?

Thank you indiegirl! smile I assume by drunk guy.....you mean H?

Yes, I'm dealing with some thing's I need to take care of before I can go, I have a telephone conference with my lawyer in an hour, to discuss Monday's hearing, then some paperwork, and a few other things before I can go tomorrow.

I received an email from the place I've been interviewing, they are looking for additional details, it's the next step in the hiring process, so this is a VERY good sign! If they weren't going to hire me, they wouldn't have bothered going to the next step......I hope. Crossing fingers!

I'm going to my sisters tomorrow, going shopping, pampering myself, buying a new outfit for Monday, and then getting my hair cut, with highlights! Some me time with my sis for a couple days.



M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
Ginger,

I just want to say, you're amazing!! It took you just a few short weeks to get into Plan B and begin protecting yourself! It took me ages to do that, so I admire your grit and fortitude.

Awwww.......THANK YOU PW!!!!! I so appreciate that! It's because I trust everyone here, and their experience.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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I just found out that H cashed the check for the garage work last Wednesday, after he found out I took the money from the business account. The bank signed off on it. They had instructions to call me before they did, but didn't. He put it in the business account, took away my access to the account, used it to keep the account from bouncing, pay vendor bills, and hired an attorney.

When this all started, 2 months ago now, before I knew anything about what was going to happen, I had given him the paperwork for the repair. I thought he was coming home, and would be fixing it. I trusted him. I made a huge mistake doing that because he wouldn't give it back.

My attorney knows about it, and said we'll deal with it in court on Mon.

I just don't understand any of this. I have tried so hard to be dignified and caring towards him this whole time. All of my decisions have been met with fear, care, and concern for hurting him. Yet, it's his mission in life right now to hurt me as bad as he can. It is all so hard to understand, and so hurtful that a man I have loved for this long can be so eager to cause me so much pain.





M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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He will have to pay for the garage to be repaired, Ginger. Don't worry. Your lawyer can address it in court. He would be committing insurance fraud if he didn't fix the garage. The funds went into a business account. Let your lawyer slap him around with that reality.

I know it is hard but you need to accept your WH doesn't care about anyone but himself right now. Sorry for your hurt.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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If you are a co-owner of the business, how can he take away your access to the finances?

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Thank you for your concern, black_raven. I pretty much knew that, but it just hurts. But, I will not break my plan b by contacting him, and quite honestly, I think because I wouldn't speak to him when he kept trying to get me to, this was his attempt at breaking my silence.

I don't think he realizes the backlash of what he's done either, sure, he saved the account last week from bouncing, but now add to that the attorney he hired, and the lump sum he's going to have to pay back.......he's screwed himself. I think he believes that money I took was not mine. He views the business as his, and the house mine. I hired the attorney because I didn't trust him to be fair, and I'm so glad I did!

Unwritten....the bank told me because it was set up as an LLC, single member account, he has every right to take me off. The accountant said the same thing. My attorney said, oh no, it marital property, and she will get my access restored on Monday.

It seems the more we go along, the worse he fights me. I get feeling a little bit better, and he yanks that ounce of positivity I had, out from under my feet. I mean, on top of everything else, I had even paid the fuel bill down $5,000 by selling all my camera gear, to prevent the company from taking legal proceedings against us. He was furious with me, he couldn't even be grateful. I just am having such a difficult time understanding why, when I give so much, he hurts me even more.

Last edited by Ginger872; 05/27/15 06:19 PM.

M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Originally Posted by Ginger872
I just found out that H cashed the check for the garage work last Wednesday, after he found out I took the money from the business account. The bank signed off on it. They had instructions to call me before they did, but didn't.


Can you lean on the bank to get this reversed? If the bank made an error they should be able to cancel the transaction. If you wait for the court to give you restitution, it can take years.


3 adult children
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Originally Posted by black_raven
He will have to pay for the garage to be repaired, Ginger. Don't worry. Your lawyer can address it in court. He would be committing insurance fraud if he didn't fix the garage. The funds went into a business account. Let your lawyer slap him around with that reality.

I know it is hard but you need to accept your WH doesn't care about anyone but himself right now. Sorry for your hurt.

It's not insurance fraud to pocket the ACV portion of an insurance claim.

The balance known as the RCV payment, in insurance terms is called Depreciation on the Claims Report. It would be better thought of a a Hold Back Amount, until the work was actually contracted and paid for.

You can directly contact your insurance claims department and require them to forward the Claims Report paperwork to you via e-mail and put a stop on any future RCV payment directed to him.

You should not have to deal with you WH to get that paperwork.

LTL

Last edited by LearnedTooLate; 05/28/15 09:28 AM.
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Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
Originally Posted by black_raven
He will have to pay for the garage to be repaired, Ginger. Don't worry. Your lawyer can address it in court. He would be committing insurance fraud if he didn't fix the garage. The funds went into a business account. Let your lawyer slap him around with that reality.

I know it is hard but you need to accept your WH doesn't care about anyone but himself right now. Sorry for your hurt.

It's not insurance fraud to pocket the ACV portion of an insurance claim.

I was under the impression there is some type of fraud (maybe not exactly insurance fraud) involved since the bank/lender signed off on the check...the lender (and lien holder) signs based on the expectation that the property will be repaired with those funds.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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The bank will not do anything except send me a copy of the cleared check.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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This was actual payment for the whole repair as quoted. I don't understand insurance lingo, so not sure what ACV and the other mean.

I am waiting for a call back from the insurance claim rep.

Its not fraud to use the funds for everything but the repair, when the other spouse was not told about it, or asked?


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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We had a $5000 claim on a car. We took the check with the intention to repair the car. We delayed the repair because it was extensive paint damage and figured that we would repair it before selling it. We asked the agent and he said that it was our choice whether to do the repair or not. Either way we had incurred the loss. What ended up happening is that the car got totaled and we couldn't repair it anyway.

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I'm feeling very defeated right now. Even the insurance claim rep said I'm pretty much screwed. frown


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Is there a mortgage?

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Yes. He and I are both on that mortgage.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Originally Posted by Ginger872
The bank will not do anything except send me a copy of the cleared check.


Lean on them a little harder. Set up a meeting with the manager. Line up your paperwork (anything you have in writing on this) and go and look him in the eye. It will cost you nothing to fight this and you may win as they did not follow instructions. Calmly ask them how they think this will look on the front page of the local newspaper.

If they think this could become a lawsuit they may decide to reverse the transaction.


3 adult children
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Originally Posted by Ginger872
Thank you for your concern, black_raven. I pretty much knew that, but it just hurts. But, I will not break my plan b by contacting him, and quite honestly, I think because I wouldn't speak to him when he kept trying to get me to, this was his attempt at breaking my silence.

I don't think he realizes the backlash of what he's done either, sure, he saved the account last week from bouncing, but now add to that the attorney he hired, and the lump sum he's going to have to pay back.......he's screwed himself. I think he believes that money I took was not mine. He views the business as his, and the house mine. I hired the attorney because I didn't trust him to be fair, and I'm so glad I did!

Unwritten....the bank told me because it was set up as an LLC, single member account, he has every right to take me off. The accountant said the same thing. My attorney said, oh no, it marital property, and she will get my access restored on Monday.

It seems the more we go along, the worse he fights me. I get feeling a little bit better, and he yanks that ounce of positivity I had, out from under my feet. I mean, on top of everything else, I had even paid the fuel bill down $5,000 by selling all my camera gear, to prevent the company from taking legal proceedings against us. He was furious with me, he couldn't even be grateful. I just am having such a difficult time understanding why, when I give so much, he hurts me even more.

Your bank is correct.
You will need a court order to get access to business property that does not show you as an owner.
When I got divorced my wife could not have any access to business account and the business attorney said he could even trespass her from the office.

These are apples and oranges. Business/ incorporation and domestic court.

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Originally Posted by Ginger872
Thank you Jedi_Knight.....that is comforting to know.

Received an email from my lawyer last night, there will be an accounting of the business to see where things stand financially, and we are going to recommend the business be sold. To me, that is the best option, and I hope it goes through. H is not properly managing that business, and I strongly feel the best way to get the free flowing cash out of the POSOW's hands is to end the business. He's enjoyed being her sugar daddy for long enough.

He will be able to return to his old job that he had before we bought the restaurant.

H does blame me for all of this too. I think it's going to be a very long time, if ever, before he can acknowledge his part in all of this mess, and understand why I had to do what I'm doing.

It sounds like the business is bankrupt anyway

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He must have found out I was trying to get the check reversed......he shut off my Internet access. I went to visit family for a couple days, and just got back to it being shut off.

This is getting so old.....and childish.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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