Looking for anyone who has experienced this madness, I'll try to be as brief as possible and still get the point across:

My wife had an affair with an old acquaintance from school in 2005. That's where I found MB website. Great advice, followed exposure, Plan A, etc. Went to counseling and she did everything a WS is supposed to do.

I monitored her closely for a few years and things have been better than great.

2015: My 15 yo DD has a brief "dating" experience with a nice kid (also 15). She didn't really like him like that and isn't into guys yet anyway which is cool with me! During the brief relationship we monitored instagram, FB, text periodically to make sure the kid wasn't a total weirdo.

During this time we find out his family is a real mess but for all I can find out (which is a lot in this case) he's ok.

My wife, however, became too involved in their texting and felt sorry for the kid as we found out just how rotten his dad is. My wife became his confidante of sorts. She told me all that she was learning as he told her. I told her to turn it over to another couple who has known him for years and be done with it.

She never stopped talking to him though, even after I told her it wasn't good for her to be a shoulder to cry on. Now it gets creepy:

Last week wife's mom has an emergency pacemaker put in so she has been staying nights with her mom to help out. Normal. Not normal is that she's having long, late-night talks with this kid. I barged in on their FB convo late night of July 1 and it was surreal...

Kid: Did you get a chance to listen to the song yet?
Wife: It's so nice I just want to jump in the lake. Been looking at the moon.
Kid: (Posts Picture of moon)What did your mom give you a few (beer,smiley,heart icons).
Me: You need to stop talking to my wife.
Kid: Ha ha LOL.
Me: Really, this is her husband, make no mistake.
Kid: oh yea, sorry
Wife: (Deletes convo)

So, being experienced, I'm reading emotional affair here but have nothing besides the above conversation and big late-night data transfers from conversations. No multimedia use thank god. No opportunities for personal contact that I can think of since she's got the kids all the time.

I confronted her. Pretty calmly but very firmly. She's pretty upset and embarrassed now that the whistle was blown. I changed her password to FB and locked her phone data immediately. She swears (of course) that there is nothing cooking but I can't just believe that - the part of the convo I caught didn't sound like counseling.

Problem is with wider exposure. This would mess my daughter up badly and be much worse than her last "regular" affair 10 years ago...

Any thoughts? Me - 45 Wife -- 41

Yes, you do need to expose this. This is her second affair, and make no mistake, an emotional affair is just as damaging to your marriage as a physical affair. It needs to be exposed so that your wife can be held accountable.

It sounds like extraordinary precautions were never implemented after her first affair. Did you follow the plan for Just Compensation? Did you follow the plan for POJA and POUA?

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Also, FB needs to be gone completely. Her account needs to be shut down, and it needs to be deleted and blocked on all electronic devices.

Heck yes I followed everything to the letter the first time. She has been nothing short of perfect until this, and I'm a paranoid SOB.

Her FB access is gone on everything, I'm going to delete the account after a full review myself. No more phone data use either. Spyware will be installed for her texting in a day or two. I make all the money so that's no problem to control.

Maybe I'm an idiot but I have to take one for the team here. My daughter would be seriously wrecked, as would my sons, worse than if it were "age appropriate." There is no way to expose and hide this from them as I could if it were just some dude.

Plus her mom just had a pacemaker put in 4 days ago, this could literally kill her...the last exposure was as crushing as it was supposed to be.

I'm just going to have to be a super-spy.

If she is allowing herself to have friendships with members of the opposite sex, then everything has not been followed to the letter. Extraordinary precautions and POJA at the very least were not being followed.

Your marriage will not survive this plan. Exposure is essential to recovery.

You SHOULDN'T be hiding it from your daughter -- she has a right to know!

And things have been followed it's been 10 years!

Well, I just posed as her on FB with him:

Me: Were you scared the other night?
Him: Yes worried sick and sorry for the damage I have done.
Me: I deleted all conversations and now my husband is suspicious...maybe I should have left them.
Him: Yes you should have.

Maybe more of this is in order?

No, you have enough evidence to expose them. And you need to get on exposure.

Your wife has developed an inappropriate relationship with a minor. Parents have a right to know. Your daughter has a right to know.

Hiding your wife's affair for her is not going to help anybody.

Hardcore! I expected as much and should listen. At least I confronted it early this time...last time I waited until it got physical.

If I did the same thing with a minor girl the police would be at my door.

I have no evidence except for what I saw on the screen for a few seconds unfortunately.

Not sure I want the marriage to survive either yet. Too weird.

The fact is, Explorer, that your wife is now a serial cheater. If you want to save this marriage, you are going to have to be TOUGHER than the average BH -- you will need to expose, and you will need to watch her every move more so than if it were her first affair.

Extraordinary Precautions will need to be followed to the letter. POJA will need to be followed to the letter. This program will need to be followed to the letter (No cherry-picking, including exposure).

And even if you don't want it to survive, people still have a right to know. If your marriage breaks up, your daughter DEFINITELY needs to know why.

I wish the 40 year old creep who pursued the EA with me when I was 15 had been exposed and forced to face the consequences.

Don't protect your wife from the consequences.

Yep, don't know if it's worth it or not to me at this point.

Thanks for the slapping around, I'll be back.

Did you have another posting name in 2005?

Yes but I can't remember what it was!

Program and advice were priceless, worked great, at least until a couple of weeks ago.

You don't feel that protecting a young teenage boy from further damage by your wife is worth it?

(I have a 15 year old son and would be hissing spitting mad if someone allowed their wife to warp him for life)

Sorry you are here.

Yikes, this is not normal cheating or serial cheating - this has crossed over into predatory behavior....your W preying on a vulnerable minor. Please do not protect her - expose this at the very least to this boy's parents and to your daughter. Do not give your WW a heads up that you are going to be doing this.

I have a teenage boy and only hope and pray that if someone had this type of information that they would share it with me.

My biological grandchildren were molested by my adopted grandchildren in their bio-mom's home, after their bio-dad went to prison and their bio-mom brought the molester into her home and then turned a blind eye to the results. We have lived 12 years of unholy hell since then, trying to help 6 kids overcome the effect of sexual misconduct on the part of a predatory adult and a negligent parent.

I realize this is not your identical circumstance, but the youngest of my affected grandchildren (a boy) is now 14. You have no idea what I would unleash on an adult woman I found preying on him. The damage that is done to a child (which, despite their delusions of maturity, teens pretty much still are) is deep and long-lasting. I agree that your wife has crossed an emotional line, at the very least. You will compound the damage if you keep it a secret, IMO. Good luck with this; it will be a roller coaster whatever you do, so I hope you do the right thing.

tl

I am glad to hear you will "take one for team" because that means you will TELL YOUR CHILDREN because it is in their best interest for them to know everything. Your wife is reckless and if your kids don't know the full truth, she will hurt them even more. Telling them, and others, means the more people to hold your wife accountable and motivate her to stop acting like a PEDOPHILE. Your wife has serious boundary issues with men and if you don't blow this up, I assure you that you will see more of this in the future.

The REASON you are here - AGAIN - is because your marriage did not recover. Your wife never eliminated her social media and never cleaned up her pisspoor boundaries around men. Welcome to your future if you don't take radical steps.

Your daughter and this boys parents need to be informed of what has happened so they can protect their boy from your wife. Your wife is headed for a terrible place. We have another member whose wife WENT TO PRISON for a very similar affair with a teenage young man. You have a chance to prevent that.

Your daughter will be much more upset if her mother goes to prison! Tell her and everyone else about this affair.

Were the conversations on a phone? If so, you can retrieve them with a spy stick.
Why don't you pose as your wife and ask him to send you the conversations so you can "clear" yourself?