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The fact ia that men looking for a mate try to avoid serial daters because there is no future or reward in pursuing more dates.
If i went on one date with a serial dater and she wanted to be friends and go out, i would agree to it but i would try to meet her friends and ask for phone numbers.

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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I agree. I see no point in dating if you intend on being single for years.
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

BINGO!! That is my point, completely. If the advice is for single mothers not to remarry, then there is no point in really dating. Men either want to get married or want sex.

I am communicating with Dr. Harley on this and he is asking me some specific questions about it. So, I'll be doing that.


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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
The fact ia that men looking for a mate try to avoid serial daters because there is no future or reward in pursuing more dates.
If i went on one date with a serial dater and she wanted to be friends and go out, i would agree to it but i would try to meet her friends and ask for phone numbers.

I have met many single men who are divorced with children and not looking to rush into marriage either. They would be willing to date long term and hold off on marriage for a few years. When you are only dating when your children are with your ex, it puts the brakes on a relationship and slows it down considerably anyway. That has been my experience.


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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Well piglets child is 3 so she will need to wait 15 years to remarry or have sex.
How many men will say, okay i wjll wait 15 years for you?

If I were Piglet and going to follow Dr Harley's advice on remarriage, I would probably just avoid dating until my child was much older.


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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I agree. I see no point in dating if you intend on being single for years.
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

I disagree.

If something were to happen to markos before the kids were grown, I would date causally for the fun of it. I would make opposite sex friends. But I would not remarry until the kids are grown.

And there are men out there -- DECENT men -- who also are willing to date causally and aren't looking for a long-term relationship or sex. I've dated them. It's all about boundaries -- the guys who just wanted sex never made it past "Hello."

It probably also depends on the circles you run it, too. If that kind of guy isn't in your circle, find a new group. They exist.



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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

JK, you have also posted before that lots of people who are doing online dating are just looking for sex. That hasn't been my experience. I have dated many men that I met through online dating - not one single one of them was like that. I have girlfriends that have done a lot of online dating and also haven't had that experience.


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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Well piglets child is 3 so she will need to wait 15 years to remarry or have sex.
How many men will say, okay i wjll wait 15 years for you?

If I were Piglet and going to follow Dr Harley's advice on remarriage, I would probably just avoid dating until my child was much older.


Okay. Here's the thing: i probably predict she will contact dr harley and he will tell her to date and find a husband.
But we will see

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Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I agree. I see no point in dating if you intend on being single for years.
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

I disagree.

If something were to happen to markos before the kids were grown, I would date causally for the fun of it. I would make opposite sex friends. But I would not remarry until the kids are grown.

And there are men out there -- DECENT men -- who also are willing to date causally and aren't looking for a long-term relationship or sex. I've dated them. It's all about boundaries -- the guys who just wanted sex never made it past "Hello."

It probably also depends on the circles you run it, too. If that kind of guy isn't in your circle, find a new group. They exist.

You can find friends at the YMCA. Dating is traditionally for finding a mate.

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What would be the point in dating a serial dater continually?
I dont get it

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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
The fact ia that men looking for a mate try to avoid serial daters because there is no future or reward in pursuing more dates.
If i went on one date with a serial dater and she wanted to be friends and go out, i would agree to it but i would try to meet her friends and ask for phone numbers.

I have met many single men who are divorced with children and not looking to rush into marriage either. They would be willing to date long term and hold off on marriage for a few years. When you are only dating when your children are with your ex, it puts the brakes on a relationship and slows it down considerably anyway. That has been my experience.

For how long will a man agree to have dates with no prospect of marriage or sex?
15 years? 5 years?
People are different in a decade.
mens top emotional need is sex. Basically you are saying there are men that will live as a monk because a woman they date won't commit to marriage? I suppose there are some.

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I think part of the problem may be that many of the divorced women on here have never met a man of my caliber. There are many guys that they can be girlfriends with and go shopping with but a man of my caliber is usually irresistible and they dream of being proposed to.
so perhaps we are discussing apples and oranges.
in fact, in a radio show Harley said i should wear a motorcycle helmet on my dates so the women do not see my good lucks or they would start stalking me.

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I just remembered we are off track with the original poster.
she has a son but he does not live with her.
in that case, i think harley would advise waiting a couple years and then dating.

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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
The fact ia that men looking for a mate try to avoid serial daters because there is no future or reward in pursuing more dates.
If i went on one date with a serial dater and she wanted to be friends and go out, i would agree to it but i would try to meet her friends and ask for phone numbers.

I have met many single men who are divorced with children and not looking to rush into marriage either. They would be willing to date long term and hold off on marriage for a few years. When you are only dating when your children are with your ex, it puts the brakes on a relationship and slows it down considerably anyway. That has been my experience.

For how long will a man agree to have dates with no prospect of marriage or sex?
15 years? 5 years?
People are different in a decade.
mens top emotional need is sex. Basically you are saying there are men that will live as a monk because a woman they date won't commit to marriage? I suppose there are some.

I have to agree. They just may not be having sex with you.

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Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I agree. I see no point in dating if you intend on being single for years.
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

BINGO!! That is my point, completely. If the advice is for single mothers not to remarry, then there is no point in really dating. Men either want to get married or want sex.

I am communicating with Dr. Harley on this and he is asking me some specific questions about it. So, I'll be doing that.
Is he going to read your questions on the radio or will you being on the radio?


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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
This is particularly concerning when there are young children in the home but since your son does not live with you that aspect may not be a main issue.

What? I thought she had shared custody with her ex.



SusieQ yes you are right I do have shared custody of my son. He definately lives with me 50 percent of the time. Jedi I don't know where you got the idea that my son didn't live with me at all?

I'm just reading everyones replies now.

And Brainhurts Yes I am in Plan B still with my exWH. I have no plans or interest in talking to him.





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XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
I think part of the problem may be that many of the divorced women on here have never met a man of my caliber. There are many guys that they can be girlfriends with and go shopping with but a man of my caliber is usually irresistible and they dream of being proposed to.
so perhaps we are discussing apples and oranges.
in fact, in a radio show Harley said i should wear a motorcycle helmet on my dates so the women do not see my good lucks or they would start stalking me.


LMAO Jedi and have you tried the wearing of the motorcycle helmet?



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
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Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I think Dr. Harley's exact advice to single moms requires a bit of finesse for each individual situation. In general I think his big concern is to not introduce a man to the children's lives because he will tend to take over. The typical pattern is the Renter pattern where the guy moves in with no commitment, which is extremely harmful to children and extraordinarily risky.

BTW, dating didn't always automatically lead to sex. That's a new modern phenomenon. But I think the big concern Dr. Harley expresses is not about sex but about moving a man in.



Hi Markos

I have no intention of introducing my son to ANY man. I'm not going to do what XWH did and introduced him to the OW and her children. As I said it's very early days and it's only been a month of seeing him. I'm with pigletwiglet and won't introduce my son to anyone unless I knew that I was going to remarry. And don't worry everyone I'm not moving in with him!

I really just wanted to point out that I was dating and FINALLY moving on from my WXH.

And finally having fun and getting on with my life!

And Indiegirl - you are soooo right. My WXH's family was and is a total nightmare!!



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
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Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
The fact ia that men looking for a mate try to avoid serial daters because there is no future or reward in pursuing more dates.
If i went on one date with a serial dater and she wanted to be friends and go out, i would agree to it but i would try to meet her friends and ask for phone numbers.

I have met many single men who are divorced with children and not looking to rush into marriage either. They would be willing to date long term and hold off on marriage for a few years. When you are only dating when your children are with your ex, it puts the brakes on a relationship and slows it down considerably anyway. That has been my experience.



SusieQ I very much agree with this. The man I have been seeing is divorced with kids. As I said it's only early days and we just enjoy each others company. I only see him when we don't have our kids.

I know people think I am rushing into things but I have been divorced 8 months. I know that may not seem like a long time, but you also have to remember I have been living on my own for 3 years watching my WXH live his life with OW. I have done everything right and did not date in this whole 3 years while I was married. So I think I deserve to just have a nice friendship with a man. At this point in time, I don't know if i will every remarry, I'm just happy to be moved on from my WXH.

And I'm super happy to be in a much better place than I was even 6 months ago.

And Indie thank you for once saying to me 'This will be the darkest hour before your brightest dawn'. (Or something like that).


Last edited by rocksolid; 08/02/15 04:12 AM.

Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
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Ok. I got advice from Dr. Harley--

Take it slow. Don't date for at least a year until you establish yourself as a single mother. He said I was young enough to conceivably date men with no children and to do that if possible. He said to be very vigilant and in evaluation mode from a distance as long as possible if I do start dating.





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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by PigletWiglet
I'm unclear if Dr. Harley's advice to single mothers is not to date at all or not to remarry. Some of the single moms on this board date, but will not get married. But of that's the case, why date? At some point dating will lead to sex, etc.

I agree. I see no point in dating if you intend on being single for years.
Most men dating are looking for a partner and the ones looking for casual dating are looking for sex.

I disagree.

If something were to happen to markos before the kids were grown, I would date causally for the fun of it. I would make opposite sex friends. But I would not remarry until the kids are grown.

And there are men out there -- DECENT men -- who also are willing to date causally and aren't looking for a long-term relationship or sex. I've dated them. It's all about boundaries -- the guys who just wanted sex never made it past "Hello."

It probably also depends on the circles you run it, too. If that kind of guy isn't in your circle, find a new group. They exist.

You can find friends at the YMCA. Dating is traditionally for finding a mate.

Not really. Dating is to have fun with members of the opposite sex. One purpose may be to find a mate, but it is not necessarily THE purpose.

Dr. Harley himself was a casual dater. He dated "placeholders" he had no interest in marrying just because he wanted the companionship of a female. There is nothing wrong with doing that, and there are fine and decent people who do just that.


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