I think it's a lie. And the evidence supports that conclusion.

Run away from the other programs you mentioned. THey can't and don't deal with affairs. You would be better off doing nothing than following the advice of the other programs in an affair situation.
I was a victim of the scam of the one program.

boy there is alot of negativity on here. I am sure I would love yall in person, but all I keep hearing here is "it is a lie". As if I shouldn't trust anyone ever, especially my wife. If I can't trust her, then hell yes I would want a divorce. But I do trust her waaaay more than I trust a forum. I know that she has realized her errors and is working on improvement. I have faith in humanity. Also, all the other programs are helpful. Not everything is a scam just because it costs money or you didn't buy it. Each program has alot of good positive messages, and then some stuff that may not apply. I would pay someone with zero training, zero education, for some wisdom or inspiration. In fact, that is where I usually find the most wisdom and inspiration. So thank you all for scaring me away from this board. I am starting to realize why I should stick with local therapists who specialize in the field (even the field of spouses of sex addicts) and can speak to my situation.

Not negativity. Honesty.

You are not creAting circumstances under which anyone can be trusted. So you can't trust your wife.

Why is marriage the only modern institution in which transparency is considered harmful?

Good bye, and good luck.

It's rubish.

It's juvenile.

"Finding oneself" is a narcissistic endeavor.

"Finding oneself" is a selfish endeavor.

She's an adult. She married you and made vows to you. She's already disregarded those vows TWICE now (that we know of) and claims she's a "sex addict" due to these affairs and her sex life prior to your marriage. The last thing this woman needs is to be alone and unaccountable to anyone and, in particular, unaccountable to the person she made vows to and claims to love???

No therapist would recommend this.

If she says her counselor/therapist is recommending this I'd surmise she is probably lying and you'd be foolhardy to believe it.

IF it IS true the counselor/therapist is a navel gazing psycho-babbling idiot OR a male counselor that wants to counsel your "sex addict" wife night and day (kind of like internet coach Al Turtle used to "coach" his clients).

Your wife is an adult and it's time she behaves like one and puts aside childish notions of "I can hurt everyone I claim to love and instead of making amends I'm going to go "find myself" because I am still way important than everyone else and I'll get back to you when I need money or other support".


But this is really just an exercise in fantasy. You want us to presume she's not having an affair anymore merely because that is your hope. You "trusting" her isn't based anywhere in reality. I've been here on MB over 10 years and seen 1000's of stories now. When a wayward wife says I need space to find myself it's code for "you are interfering in my good time with one or more men and I need space from you because I don't want to tell you what I'm really doing, I'd might like to keep you around to meet some of my needs and pay some bills and I might like to keep my options open to maybe come back if you are a good boy and keep your mouth shut (or the other man is married and I don't want you busting us).


If you see a local therapist ask for a name of just ONE success story that you can talk to. Chance are they don't have any.

You trust her now as you always have.
Do you know what it means to repeat the Same process over and over while expecting a different result?

If you dont trust anyone here, then email a real expert on infidelity: Dr. Harley for advice. Hes not just a book celebrity. He also taught psychology as a professor in So California and owned the largest chain of mental health clinics in Minnesota. Email your question to mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

I wish you the best.

thanks for the thoughtful responses.

you ask "if you see a local therapist ask for a name of just ONE success story that you can talk to. Chance are they don't have any."

my reply: actually a success story couple (female sex addict) who are doing very well, referred me to a local specialist who I will see in a few days.

another comment above says "You are not creAting circumstances under which anyone can be trusted. " My reply: she moved out and is divorcing. I can't exactly say show me your cell phone or email. How can I create these circumstances? Maybe there is a concept here I am missing, please help me understand.

If she has to move out "to find herself" what happens when she moves back in? Does she "lose herself" again?

If you are open for some inspiration and wisdom buy the book Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders.