|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
Texting with my WW today I get the feeling like she thinks I don't care for the family by some of the comments she made. And it was basically about I wanted to be keeped in the loop about sitting arrangements since the sitter was sick and may not come in that day.
I made the comment I wanted to know because I care about the family. I get I am sure you do....
Is this pretty normal behavior from a WW?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67 |
Well I desided to sit tight and let her refiles if she choises.
Today was hard in some ways and others I am not sure.
So she desided to unfriend me on FB, that sure hurt. I know it just a dumb social site but it did hurt none the less.
After I went to church, I came home and we went bowling as a family. When we got home she yelled at me saying she does not appreciate me trying to stop the divorce and how mad she is at me telling the kids about the divorce (she will not admit to the affair ) and then was upset that her daughter thinks she is a witch and will not listen to her and ordered me to take care of it it and spank her, because she was throwing a fit. I told my WW that she is told old to spank and I not going to do that.
Then I expand to her she can't expected me to rescue her every time she takes the rains away from me and when things are not work out have me rescue her when it comes to the kids. I told her we have to work together with the kids.
She sat down on the couch with are 11 month old and started to cry. I try ed to comfort her and ask why she was crying. She was crying because her 10 year old hates her.
After I came back from mowing the lawn, we had some dinner in the living room and she seems way more friendly and invited me to sit on the couch next to her.
I am not sure what's this week will bring, I guess next Monday will be really telling were she is at.
I do have to say one thing, no matter how much self control you think you have this really puts you to the test. It was really hard to keep my cool and try to deescalate things.
Sorry for any typos I am using my phone. Texting with my WW today I get the feeling like she thinks I don't care for the family by some of the comments she made. And it was basically about I wanted to be keeped in the loop about sitting arrangements since the sitter was sick and may not come in that day.
I made the comment I wanted to know because I care about the family. I get I am sure you do....
Is this pretty normal behavior from a WW? Hi Ron, I have not kept up with all the recent details of your situation, but wanted to share a couple thoughts on your recent posts. If you are Plan A'ing, then just focus on executing the plan, regardless of what you receive back from your WW. The essence of Plan A, in my opinion, is that you are doing those things because you believe that is what a good husband does. Therefore, your WW's reaction to what you are doing doesn't matter, you just do it. You are in reality doing it for you, to become who you want to be. That "no expectations" outlook frees you from the crazy manipulations of the Wayward. While they are in in the fog, they have limitless energy to mess with you, far more energy than you can possibly have to counter it. So don't. Pursue your plan and let the chips fall where they may. Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
I keep feeling there is more I can do. But I am not sure if that's me, because I am the kind of guy that wants action and solve problems.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67 |
Ron, a lot of times, the wayward is doing this stuff that I quoted above to test you. They see the changes and want to know if the changes are REAL. So they change the environmental variables under which you are working the plan to see if it will hold up. If a little stressor, like a snide remark, can take you out of your game, it must not be a solid change.
Just keep in mind that you ARE solving your problems when you work the MB plan. You may or may not get the results you desire with your Wayward, but you can always achieve the results you want for yourself. When you build the habits that a good husband has, other problems shrink because the good crowds out the bad.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Ron, a lot of times, the wayward is doing this stuff that I quoted above to test you. They see the changes and want to know if the changes are REAL. So they change the environmental variables under which you are working the plan to see if it will hold up. If a little stressor, like a snide remark, can take you out of your game, it must not be a solid change.
Just keep in mind that you ARE solving your problems when you work the MB plan. You may or may not get the results you desire with your Wayward, but you can always achieve the results you want for yourself. When you build the habits that a good husband has, other problems shrink because the good crowds out the bad. I disagree. I think a wayward is usually so deep in the fog, they dont have enough rational thought to actually test something.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Texting with my WW today I get the feeling like she thinks I don't care for the family by some of the comments she made. And it was basically about I wanted to be keeped in the loop about sitting arrangements since the sitter was sick and may not come in that day.
I made the comment I wanted to know because I care about the family. I get I am sure you do....
Is this pretty normal behavior from a WW? I wouldn't use the word normal. i would say its typical wayward behavior.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
Texting with my WW today I get the feeling like she thinks I don't care for the family by some of the comments she made. And it was basically about I wanted to be keeped in the loop about sitting arrangements since the sitter was sick and may not come in that day.
I made the comment I wanted to know because I care about the family. I get I am sure you do....
Is this pretty normal behavior from a WW? I wouldn't use the word normal. i would say its typical wayward behavior. Thanks Jedi_Knight that's way better wording. I have a question,That I am dealing with. What do i do about my WW independent behavior? its mainly about the kids, she does not keep me informed who is sitting them or if plans change, does not see why she should provide me there numbers and my number to the sitters. I came home tonight and the 10 year old informed me that my WW is working on Saturday and someone else is going to watch them. I have no idea why i don't work on weekends besides the projects that need to get done like fix the car. but i have no problem if i need to stay home all day watching the kids. I love spending time with the kids. My WW just seems to want to cut me out of everything important.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Ron, a lot of times, the wayward is doing this stuff that I quoted above to test you. They see the changes and want to know if the changes are REAL. So they change the environmental variables under which you are working the plan to see if it will hold up. If a little stressor, like a snide remark, can take you out of your game, it must not be a solid change.
Just keep in mind that you ARE solving your problems when you work the MB plan. You may or may not get the results you desire with your Wayward, but you can always achieve the results you want for yourself. When you build the habits that a good husband has, other problems shrink because the good crowds out the bad. I disagree. I think a wayward is usually so deep in the fog, they dont have enough rational thought to actually test something. Dr. Harley would disagree with you. WWs often test their BHs.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
The best comparison is a drug addict. In that case, the Taker seems to be in command which is why Harley observed similar behaviors between the drug addict and the person involved in an affair. That is why he patterns the treatment for affair off of a drug addicts treatment.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
Well a update, yesterday i went to court and i did not get the divorce kicked out. The judge desided to do a change of venue.
Well my WW was livied. At first my WW was trying to belitting me and calling me how stupied i was. In her mind know there will be GL and parenting classes she was avoiding in this county. She does not realize it does not matter what county it is the GL will be involved. Parenting classes are no longer a requirement in this state.
What i dont get how she can go from verbal abuse to giving me a hug and saying she is sorry to hating me then back to being civil all in a hour time.
Its hard do this court stuff which makes my WW mad and being in plan A mode
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
My wife had radical mood changes within an hour time too.
one night, she woke me up at 1 am and told me she was sorry for having an affair. When i didnt accept her apology, she said she hated me and hoped i would go to hell!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
Its sure hard to have self control when your being belittled and sworn at, lots of f bombs.
I just wish i know what i am doing is having some kind of impact and the affair is unraveling or not.
To many unknows drives me nuts.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
I understand.
my wife would flip me off while i was in the house with the toddler.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
What other plan A stuff can I do that I might be forgetting?
I really wish I know how to push the OM away some more but his pretty much a hermit in his mom's house.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
What other plan A stuff can I do that I might be forgetting?
I really wish I know how to push the OM away some more but his pretty much a hermit in his mom's house. You just have to wait for the affair to die a natural death. It may take weeks, months or years. You have done all you can to drive OM away and should focus on yourself and plan A.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
What makes things hard now it seems she tried to find fault in me how ever she can. So far all she can come up with is small things like i eat her lunch. Well it was unlabled no one told me and its been siting in the frig for about a week. Or the house is not clean enought because she found a speck some were.
So i get that one one side and i am getting thanks for others, i am so confused.
So because i eat her lunch for work i desided it cook up her a small steak dinner nothing fancy set the oven on a timer to keep it warm till she got home. I did get a thank you on the frig and in a text.
I am also confused how she is going throw with this divorce and still expects me to meet alot of her needs to be meet.
All this is taking a toll on me and the kids. We all miss her and the 3year old is getting upset and says she misses mommy every night.
I guess we are still going away for the weekend with the family i so i guess she cant be to mad or resentful towards me. I just pray we have a good time.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577 |
A wayward in an affair is the most selfish thing on the planet. They will not consider you or your kids, their first thought is about themselves or affair partner.
No one can understand it, and it is beyond frustrating.
One of the major reasons that the affair must be destroyed through exposure. An addict thinks only of themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
I have a question I been pondering.
What is it that makes people want to save there marrage vs the ones that give up on the marrage when infidelity happens.
Even with all the hurt and betrayal I feel, there is nothing I would not do to get her back. Even if was to come At risk to me to keep her safe. Is the love I have for her?
I guess I am asking because the world says to give up and move on and thy don't understand why I would put myself through this to maybe save the marrage.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 30
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 30 |
Struggling with this question myself....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863 |
Your emotions are going to fluctuate. Sometimes from day to day and sometimes from minute to minute. Eventually your wife will come back or you will get off the roller coaster. Some choose to get off earlier than others, but everyone struggles, even the ones that say they don't.
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (Mature),
468
guests, and
72
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
