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The BH of the OW responded to my FB message!
He said that it was the first he heard of it and that he wasn't surprised. The OW admitted it to him when he asked her about it. He gave me his cell to contact him. or said to message him. Great news! Give him a call...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well now WH is definitely pissed I told the BH of the OW.
He asked why I would do that. I said bc I'm not going to keep it a secret. He says do you not know the implications of that. I didn't answer just said I'm sorry you are upset. I said I need to go to bed, see ya tomorrow. He said "mhmmm we'll see".
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Well now WH is definitely pissed I told the BH of the OW. How did he find out? He asked why I would do that. I said bc I'm not going to keep it a secret. He says do you not know the implications of that. I didn't answer just said I'm sorry you are upset. I said I need to go to bed, see ya tomorrow. He said "mhmmm we'll see". You are smart and savvy! Good answers. Great job tonight!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm sure the OW told my WH.
Thank you, I'm not so sure I can keep it up when I am actually in front of him.
I am finding a lot of info from the BHOTOW (is that right?). How do I not run home to WH and tell him I know all this!???
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Great job! Keep your head up, girl! You've got this!
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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I'm sure the OW told my WH. Sweet!! That is exactly how you want it to happen. I am finding a lot of info from the BHOTOW (is that right?). How do I not run home to WH and tell him I know all this!??? You can tell him all this when you get the chance. What did the OWH [other woman's husband] tell you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow I just found out the work trip he went on she tagged along!!! I'm so upset. How do I not let it "get to me"?? I'm not sure if I can keep going!
Also OW texted me saying it was wrong of me to inform her BH and to try and contact her family. That she is in a abusive controlling relationship and I wouldn't know what that is bc I have such an awesome caring husband that would never harm me. --- what do I say to that? Or do I not answer her?
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Wow I just found out the work trip he went on she tagged along!!! I'm so upset. How do I not let it "get to me"?? I'm not sure if I can keep going!
Also OW texted me saying it was wrong of me to inform her BH and to try and contact her family. That she is in a abusive controlling relationship and I wouldn't know what that is bc I have such an awesome caring husband that would never harm me. --- what do I say to that? Or do I not answer her? No reason to answer her. No reason for you to justify anything to the OW. There is also no reason to believe a liar and a cheater and that is what the OW is. You are doing a great exposure. The results show it.
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Agreed. Interacting with OW is a waste of time. Nice job in exposing to the husband. He can be a good ally in busting up the affair.
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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 All waywards try to pull the abusive controlling relationship line. :eyeroll: In all likelihood, she's 100% full of it. Don't engage.
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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Thanks. I don't know what WH told his mom but she's not answering my calls/texts. Maybe she believes the abusive thing??
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Wow I just found out the work trip he went on she tagged along!!! I'm so upset. How do I not let it "get to me"?? I'm not sure if I can keep going!
Also OW texted me saying it was wrong of me to inform her BH and to try and contact her family. That she is in a abusive controlling relationship and I wouldn't know what that is bc I have such an awesome caring husband that would never harm me. --- what do I say to that? Or do I not answer her? Just forward her text to her husband. ALL OW claim to be "abused."  Wow I just found out the work trip he went on she tagged along!!! I'm so upset. How do I not let it "get to me"?? I'm not sure if I can keep going! Very sorry you have uncovered this but am relieved you got the truth.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yep, genuinely abused women are SO likely to bump privates with other men on work trips. So likely to even GO on work trips. Good job controlling her OWH! Wow her husband must be so scary for her to act so controlled and be so restrained... Thanks. I don't know what WH told his mom but she's not answering my calls/texts. Maybe she believes the abusive thing?? Not a great sign. She's figuring out who is the easiest side to back because she just wants her son to be 'happy' I.e. she's not very bothered about his morals. A good way to prise her out of cowards corner is for other exposure contacts to let her know what's expected of a normal, moral person. You: "Hey do you know what's happened to WHmom? I expected an immediate call but she must be prostrate with grief and disappointment. Can you make sure she's OK? (And kick her up the bum). To WH all you have to say is:"Your mom knows." That's enough.
Last edited by indiegirl; 11/29/15 01:45 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Did you contact the OWBH back and let him know what she is saying about him being abusive??
Good job on exposure and keep it up.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks. I don't know what WH told his mom but she's not answering my calls/texts. Maybe she believes the abusive thing?? It doesn't matter if the OW is actually in an abusive relationship or not. She may very well be. But that is no excuse to go have an affair with your husband. That's a copout, even if it is the truth.
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Thank you all!
Came home tonight and WH and I talked. He asked for a divorce. He thinks what "I did yesterday" was vindictive and a punishment to him. I assured him that was not the case. He's afraid I'll take the kids from him. I said I wouldn't do that. He still doesn't think he'll be happy with me. He said he wants to call some lawyers tomorrow. I asked him not to. He did say that OW ended it with him and wants nothing to do with him. I'm not sure I believe that. He is definitely pissed.
Now what???
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Not a great sign. She's figuring out who is the easiest side to back because she just wants her son to be 'happy' I.e. she's not very bothered about his morals. A good way to prise her out of cowards corner is for other exposure contacts to let her know what's expected of a normal, moral person.
You: "Hey do you know what's happened to WHmom? I expected an immediate call but she must be prostrate with grief and disappointment. Can you make sure she's OK? (And kick her up the bum).
To WH all you have to say is:"Your mom knows."
That's enough. Yes I think this is true. Though WH did tell me tonight that she yelled at him for 30 minutes and he's mad that I told her and he didn't.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Good. Exposure hit the spot. He may or may not follow thru with the divorce threat. He may just be trying to get you to leave the affair alone. You have taken control of the message and he doesn't like it. Now he can't introduce her to the family as the woman h s happened to meet 'after' his marriage to you 'just fell apart.'
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Now- plan A. For 3 weeks, you are the best wife you can be while not supporting the affair. This is the time to address any complaints, always be good-looking and smelling, be fun and engaging company.
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In 3 weeks, if he cannot prove the affair is over and he is willing to follow a program of recovery, you sever all contact using a Plan B letter. This is to protect you from the physical and emotional effects of his affair. All contact is thru an intermediary.
Many people go on Anti-depressants now to help that calm and focused.
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