I emailed with her on Saturday but have heard nothing since. Hoping no news is good news!!

Ok, Saturday is when they got back.

So I just saw WH.

Today's kids visitation pick up and drop off was at the house. I had gotten a sitter to handle the exchange since nobody was available to help out. He was told to honk when he got here and the sitter would bring the kids out.

I was upstairs in my bedroom.

When he gets here he knocks. I notice that there is talking and the kids are still in the house. I then hear someone upstairs in the loft area. I know it's him. I come out and ask what he is doing. He says he's looking for something. I tell him he needs to take the kids and leave and that he can't be inside. He says it's raining. I said I don't care. Take the kids and leave. He says he needs something from our bedroom. I said no and that he tell my IM about it and get it later. He says no I need to get something. Then he pushes past me and goes and gets it. Then he leaves. I tell him he can't come in the house again.

The poor sitter was so sorry! She felt so bad. I'm sure WH was hoping I wasn't home.

I am so upset. It wasn't anything important that he grabbed either. Earrings and what looked like hair trimmers? But I'm not too sure as I couldn't see it.

I was doing so well and now I feel more heartbroken.

One thing I have noted when dealing with your IM's is that he is desperate to be in direct contact with you! I consider this another manifestation of that. Your air tight Plan B makes him very unhappy, and that is a good thing!

Hi, Bella.
After being away from this site for many years (marriage restored, and doing well), I came back tonight to investigate. I recently heard about a friend dealing with infidelity issues and want to direct her here, so I came by to see if it's still the BEST place to get excellent advice. IT IS!!!

Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is because YOUR thread caught my eye, and I ended up reading ALL the way through it (all 27 pages!). For whatever reason, I feel compelled to let you know that your execution of your Plan A and B has been flawless! You don't need me to, of course, you've got some experts with great advice handling this! But I thought it might be good hear it from yet another person who's come through this and survived on the other side.

I know it's painful, and extremely scary at this point....you're sure you're about to lose everything at any second. But hang on! Yours is far from the most desperate situation I ever saw, and you are doing everything right!

When your WH is out of the fog, he will be soooo grateful you gave this everything you had to save your marriage! TRUST ME! Hang in there, girl, and know you are going to be fine.

Last point: After reading about his feeble attempt to get into the house (and briefly succeeding), I believe one reason your WH wanted to get into the house so desperately is to snoop around and see if there is another reason you don't want him in the house (if you get my drift!). lol. Now he'll be even MORE confused! He didn't see anything to point to YOUR having a "revenge" affair! LOL!

Ugh, but it's so hard! Blah! I am feeling much better now though.

Thank you thank you thank you. This is really so hard and hearing your words of encouragement is really helpful. And gives me a little bit of hope. Thanks. =)

You're very welcome!

The main reason this is so very hard (and scary!) is because it's so COUNTER-intuitive. Our human nature wants to do all the OPPOSITE things from what will actually work to bring the WS out of this mind-set.

You're doing great!

I'm only "butting in" to give you a little more encouragement, but you've got some great "advisors." I recognize some of the names from my time on here. It was a long time ago. I wanted to come back and helpl others, as they are, but I just needed a break from all the pain. It was just too hard at the time. Plus, we needed to be positive and work on "us."

:-)

A bit of an update: Still going through divorce... WH was trying to get out of paying for me and the kids living expenses during the divorce. "He can't afford paying his new apartment and us" ::insert eye roll: Thankfully he has backed off on that nonsense.

But now I'd like some advice or insight on having Plan B/no contact used against you during divorce. I've talked a bit with Melodylane already about this. We both believe that he is for sure still seeing the OW since he hasn't reached out yet. And I have contacted a PI for a consult. I also tried contacting OWH and never heard back from him.

My lawyer feels like me not having direct contact with WH would be seen as not cooperating and show bad for me if it were to go to court. And saying in not so many words that I just need to get over it. She wants me to think about having contact through email at least.

I am still going to stick to my guns about this but would like to know if anyone else has ever been in this situation.

Thanks and have a good day!

Hi Bella, most people here have been through this and they did what I suggested: told their lawyer why they are only to have contact through an intermediary and insisted they defend that stance. This position comes from Dr Bill Harley, licensed clinical psychologist and is the best thing for your mental health and for your marriage. There is absolutely nothing that can't be cmminucated through an IM.

Your lawyer can see very well that you are cooperating by providing a means of communication through an intermediary.

Yup, like I said I def plan to stick to my guns! =)

moderator's note to Franklin12575: please feel free to start up your own website giving advice contradictory to that of Dr. Harley. But don't do it here. The purpose of our forum is to help posters find solutions using MB concepts. If you have any questions, contact me directly rather than posting here. Thank you.