Also in regards to the workplace exposure. What exactly would I say, I feel the example letter doesn't really pertain to this situation.

Also another question.

If/When he moves out then do I write a Plan B letter and finalize those steps?

"We've been lying our hats off to each other and everyone else while blowing up each other's ridiculous egos to pass the time. When people can see me doing this with a skanko from work, I feel truly silly and like a grub: you ruined my appetite for stolen cake mommy.

Now can you sit over there while I go eeny meeny no between you and the mistress?"

Pffffft!


Can I give you a big hand for your stupendous and brave exposure? Lovely calm responses to his nonsense too. What *you* did indeed!



It certainly does. Don't breathe their hookah smoke about 'nothing happening', it did, still is, and his employers are now liable for sexual harassment claims. You could add he was her manager. Might also be worth saying she left the firm hastily recently. They will see in a heartbeat that she left the company at his urging so as to avoid detection, for sexual reasons.

But really the letter prompts them to do their own investigation. His fear of this target is great news. That means it's your bullseye. He's guilty as sin and it probably remains the main place he conducts his affair.






Don't send your letter until you have closed off all avenues like changed your number, email, locks, protected finances and have an IM etc. Once he gets that letter it's very important he looks up and sees a closed door and no way to reach you.

Shortly the horror of exposure will wear off and he will think 'at least I've still got both!' as he prepares to watch you fight for him. (He actually said so too, rare moment of truth)

You instead have this valuable Plan B citadel to step off stage left into. He cannot reach you for drama, negotiations, blame, or any 'woe is me' handwringing whatsoever.

He can reach you through your IM when it's ENDED and every condition is agreed to. Any time he gets serious.

Don't send the letter while you can still be reached, but get everything done asap.

Yes, when he moves out you would write the Plan B letter. We will help you with those steps.

The workplace letter should go something like this, sent to the director of HR, a key VP and both of their supervisors.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and OW are involved in an extramarital affair that took place primarily, in the workplace. I was told that Sally Slut has since left your employ but felt it was critical you were informed of the affair. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involved the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and OW used company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them were spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

WS has admitted his affair to me and SallySlut's husband has been informed.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,
_________________________

So after putting the kids to bed. We talked. He definitely said he couldn't do the things I asked. He asked if that is what I wanted (him moving out) and I said yes. He asked me to look him in the eye and say it. I did. He asked me a couple of times. I swear he was waiting for me to back out or change my mind or ask him to stay. Then he asked if I wanted him gone tonight or if he could take some time to figure out where he was going to go. I said I prefer tonight. Then he got his stuff and left.

You did the right thing.

How are you?

You did a great job. I am so very proud of you for standing firm. I know how hard that was. I can tell he did not believe you meant it.

He really thought that he could set the conditions and is probably shocked that you won't allow him to do that. I predict he may eventually agree to your conditions if you continue to stand firm.

You are smart and savvy. That is exactly what he was doing.

I woudl strongly suggest you change the locks tomorrow. Do you know how to do this? It is really very easy. The reason is because when he sees that you are dead serious, he will very probably try to force his way back in your house. You don't want that to happen.

You can go to Lowes and buy new locks. They are not hard to install.

Thank you Melody and Brain. I am a mess. I am unsure if I did the right thing and I keep going back and forth in my mind. I need to keep thinking that this will all be for something.

One more question regarding this. If I send this and he gets fired do I have an repercussions for being 'the one who told' his bosses and got him fired? -if that ends up being the case?

Definitely Not!!!

You are not the one who pursued a job endangering workplace affair.

You have his admission and are only telling the truth to protect your Family.

LTL

There would be no legal repercussions if that is what you mean. You can't get into trouble for telling the truth.

Ok, thank you LTL!

If you haven't gotten Surviving an Affair yet, now is a great time to download and start reading. Also, make plans for taking care of yourself. Plan B is about taking care of you.

It came today!

He asked you whether he could continue cheating on you from the comfort of your home. That will tear your attractiveness, not to mention sanity, down piece by piece until he goes to the other woman whose beauty and energy thrives on the same misery which destroys yours.

Was saying no to that the wrong thing?

It was only wrong it you want a) continued infidelity and b) a nervous breakdown. It happens. A lot.

The primary goal is not to get him back at all costs but to prevent your experiencing this horror ever again. If he can't assure that; he's gone.

If he wants to come home to cheat, you're better off without him. However I agree that his wavering is a hopeful sign. She's clearly not enough for him full time and their relationship will not be able to survive the fall out of exposure.

But no matter what, you need to be safely away from this abuse and the toll their cruelty is taking on you.

Thank you indiegirl for your words. I appreciate it.

The truth is the truth. It's the same as telling a friend their accountant is defrauding them. They lost the job through dishonesty, not because someone 'told' the true version.

Be prepared - your husband will be enraged enough to decide on the spot that 'there must be a law against this'. They usually threaten legal action, which is very funny.

I was threatened with legal action over exposure even though I am a trained journalist and I know defamation laws inside and out. They just forget that you know what you are doing and go ape. It's funny in retrospect.

Thank you. I sent the letter this morning. His immediate supervisor seems to be OOO. So we'll see what happens.