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Melody, I thought what you wrote over thoroughly and I confronted my wife one last time tonight about the affair and her intent. I did not get a committed response from her, just a vague and silent acknowledgement of the online affair and that she'll "give me a response next week."
So I followed your advice and started the blitz while she is sleeping, and sent the recommended letters and my evidence to 12 of the OM's friends on Facebook that I could figure out, and also to 8 of my wife's closest friends. I also emailed it to my MIL and apologized for not being able to keep to her timetable. Finally I emailed OM and warned him never to contact my wife again.
I already got a response from on of the OM's friends on Facebook who wished me luck to save my marriage! She claimed she didn't know OM well, but I asked her to just let OM know that she received the letter and she said she will try.
I hope you are right and I'm prepared to be strong and face the music tomorrow! The toughest part will be telling my son in the morning, he will be a heartbroken 11 year old. I am tearing up thinking about it as I write this. Pray for me. Lost, this is a good start and I applaud your taking action! This gives you the best chance at saving your marriage. But I would not stop there. It is very possible the OM is married. I would - TODAY - track down his home phone # and call his house to see if a wife answers. You need to stay on it until you have confirmed he is not married. He may be married and contacting his wife and/or parents would be a critical exposure. Do you know where he works? If so, I would send the exposure emails to his employer because it is likely he is emailing and calling her from work. You need to open up holy hell on this piece of crap. After your exposures come out today, i would sit your wife down and let her know that this affair must end once and for all. Tell her this will lead to divorce if she doesn't end all contact forever. <----yes, I want you to say this. What did you say in your exposure letters? Did you use the templates in my thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I used the exact template from your post. The OM just called from a blocked number and left me a message that he wanted to talk "man-to-man" but left no numbers. In my letter I asked his friends to have his parents contact me.
Should I say anything other than to stop contacting me family?
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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He owns his company with his parents so the company route is not going to work, unless I track his parents down.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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He owns his company with his parents so the company route is not going to work, unless I track his parents down. That is a great opportunity. You can call the company and ask to speak to his father. I would also go to his company website and start sending emails to anyone you can. See if you can find an HR department.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would also send some evidence to these people when you do. Cull through and pick out some revealing emails.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I sent a copy of some of the most revealing emails between them in my emails to both his and her friends.
I suspect he's going to say it's platonic just like he said 16 years ago, same BS.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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You are doing great, Lost. Tell your son (I will be praying for all of you), and keep working through all these other exposure targets. The OM's wife and parents are going to be indispensably crucial.
Don't worry about what the OM or anyone else says about it. Getting it exposed will have an effect regardless. The fact that YOU said he is having an affair with your wife will carry a lot of weight with a number of these people, regardless of what he says. But that is why you want to reach them first, before he has a chance to spin it, so act quickly.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Thanks for your support, markos.
Yes, I've reached 12 of his friends that I can make out on Facebook already. I think it's already had a sufficient impact for him to call me at 5 AM. Any suggestions what I should say to him when he calls back? Just be curt and tell him never to call again and hang up? Or try to shame him?
I'm pretty sure based on the last email exchange my wife had with OM that he is single again (second divorce). However, you can't tell with this weasel.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Yes, I sent a copy of some of the most revealing emails between them in my emails to both his and her friends.
I suspect he's going to say it's platonic just like he said 16 years ago, same BS. If this relationship is all platonic and no big deal, then both parties should have no problem sacrificing it for the health of your marriage which IS a big deal. Anyone rational should be able to accept this logic. Any other response indicates a belief that your marriage is not more important. You will quickly discern friends of your marriage and enemies of it.
Last edited by WalkTheWalk; 12/03/15 10:31 AM.
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The toughest part will be telling my son in the morning, he will be a heartbroken 11 year old. I am tearing up thinking about it as I write this. Pray for me. Waywards do not make good parents. I am sure your son has sensed for some time that something is very wrong with his mother and maybe even blamed it on himself as kids tend to do. I wouldn't be surprised if in some way having an understandable explanation for what's been going on is a relief to him.
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Thanks for your support, markos.
Yes, I've reached 12 of his friends that I can make out on Facebook already. I think it's already had a sufficient impact for him to call me at 5 AM. Any suggestions what I should say to him when he calls back? Just be curt and tell him never to call again and hang up? Or try to shame him?
I'm pretty sure based on the last email exchange my wife had with OM that he is single again (second divorce). However, you can't tell with this weasel. Tell him you love your wife and want to stay married to her and will do whatever it takes to keep her. She has likely lied to him and told him your marriage has been over for years or whatever. Tell him to GET AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE OR ELSE. Tell him that if your marriage ends up in court you will haul him into court to testify. Track down his ex-wives and expose to them, too.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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The OM called and started calling me a "f*ing idiot" and said I was threatening him. I tried to get him to give me his number but he refused (Anonymous caller ID blocked from overseas). After a couple minutes of abuse I just hung up on him. He called back a couple times and said I was threatening him and if anything happened to my wife he will find me.
Just proves that he's an idiot and womanizer.
On the brighter side, I've talked to three of WW's friends. They were all supportive of me and promise to talk to WW on my behalf to pull her back from the brink. One of them experienced the exact same thing as WW is going through now, got a divorce, and has regretted it ever since. WW talks to me about this case frequently before, but now when I bring it up about how a divorce destroys a childhood, she chooses to ignore it due to the fog. Hopefully our friend can knock some sense into her!
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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says you're threatening him, huh? lol, just tell him you'll see him in court.
Don't try to tell your wife how bad divorce is - let other people do that. You're just her companion to talk to about her problems in life, but not the guy to give her unsolicited advice.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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says you're threatening him, huh? lol, just tell him you'll see him in court.
Don't try to tell your wife how bad divorce is - let other people do that. You're just her companion to talk to about her problems in life, but not the guy to give her unsolicited advice. Very good point, you are right, I didn't think of that! I'm glad her friend volunteered to be my ally on the divorce front.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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It sounds more like he is threatening you.
Get a free cell phone recorder App and record all of your calls and next time, get him to admit to something.
The Android version I installed from the Google Play Store is: Call Recorder.
You have to tweak one setting to record the incoming persons voice, but the instructions are written in the sites reviews section and does work.
LTL
Last edited by LearnedTooLate; 12/03/15 02:12 PM.
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Thanks for your support, markos.
Yes, I've reached 12 of his friends that I can make out on Facebook already. I think it's already had a sufficient impact for him to call me at 5 AM. Any suggestions what I should say to him when he calls back? Just be curt and tell him never to call again and hang up? Or try to shame him?
I'm pretty sure based on the last email exchange my wife had with OM that he is single again (second divorce). However, you can't tell with this weasel. Naturally, he would lie to your wife about his marital status in order to get her to leave youl. This man is a liar and a weasel, so you cannot assume he is telling the truth. You MUST do something to see if he is married. CAll his house!! Disguise your # like he is, using *67 and call and see who answers the phone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The responses from our friends that have called have generally positive on my side. The one that I suspect was going to side with her questioned why I still wanted to stay in the marriage, after all this is the second time with the same OM. I told her, it's because I love my wife and we want to stay a family!
Only one friend was able to make contact with my wife this morning, when she was unsuspecting. The friend reported back that she was very upset at my sending the letter to her friends. I will be weathering the storm tonight... It'll be hard to stick to Plan A.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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The responses from our friends that have called have generally positive on my side. The one that I suspect was going to side with her questioned why I still wanted to stay in the marriage, after all this is the second time with the same OM. I told her, it's because I love my wife and we want to stay a family!
Only one friend was able to make contact with my wife this morning, when she was unsuspecting. The friend reported back that she was very upset at my sending the letter to her friends. I will be weathering the storm tonight... It'll be hard to stick to Plan A. Good job!! Don't fight and don't let her bait you into a fight. Just tell her that she must end her affair immediately if this marriage will last. Did you expose to the OM's parents yet? Any more progress on finding out if he has a wife?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No, no luck with OM, cannot get his number, my wife won't give it to me at this point.
Came home, my wife asked my son what I told him. My son started telling and was a torrent of tears! Breaks my heart to see him. My wife blames me for inflicting this pain on an 11 year old. I asked my son is it better to know the truth, he nodded.
My wife is very upset at the Exposure. I don't think everyone has reached her yet, but she is plenty upset already. She told me I have "sealed the deal" by embarrassing her in front of her friends. I told her the purpose is not to embarrass her, but to get us moving forward by getting past the affair and ending it. I asked her to cut off OM but she ignored me. She threatened to "make changes" now.
I feel terrible... What should I do?
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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