They work together?

Why not expose on her side?

Not exposing at work is a mistake. Even if you don't think you want to or that you can restore your marriage after what has gone on, exposure will bust up the affair. Leaving that chance to expose helps your WH and his woman to keep things going.

You will regret not exposing at work. Neglecting that step helps the affairees to avoid the consequences they would face if you do that one thing. they can try to pretend the OP and they got together after the marriage took a nose dive. Even though the woman seems very tough and hard, your WH might not want to be that brazen.

Years down the road you have a really strong advantage by exposure.

I am in the place of higher earning. It's likely it would piss him off and he come after me financially...she would welcome that for sure as well. Also...he has my truck. He wants it thru the divorce. If he loses his job he can't refi it into his name. Plus..I don't want him back just cuz he can't afford squat either. I understand the exposure to work logic but I fear the financial repercussions too.

Ah, got it.
His worst fate will be losing you.

Don't get me wrong...I want my marriage restored. I just don't know that exposure to his work in this case is best. I'm still reeling from the knowledge of who the OW is...it's painful that he freely gave up everything...risked everything...for her. I understand the OP is usually a downgrade....but this really takes the cake. In fact I struggle with wondering if I even want him back. The bar wasn't just lowered...it was lying on the ground and he picked it up and embraced it. Who does that?

When was the last contact that you've had with him?

Last week via email regarding our taxes. I'm filing separately because it's better for me...he's not happy with that. But last week was last emails...around the 31st.

Why don't you have an IM?

What do you mean by am IM?

IM=intermediary

Read this and there's a link in this thread that explains the IM's duties.

How to Plan B correctly

I don't know why I don't have an IM. I suppose it's because my WH already filed for divorce and we have no joint assets. No kids together. All assets are either solely in my name with exception of my car...I will need to refinance him off my car. The truck he drives is in my name and he wants it as part of the divorce. So the only thing we have emailed about is the truck pymt and then last week he inquired about how we were to get the taxes done. He was not thrilled that I plan on filing separately. Other than the taxes issue on the 31st we've had no contact since Dec 12th....always via email. So I'm thinking no point for IM? Our divorce court date is March 3rd. But he has no idea I won't be signing anything until he refi's the truck in his name. He's 47yrs old. I see no reason to tell him to do that...so if it takes the judge...ooooook.

Yes there is a point to an IM. It is for your own healing. You can see from the time that you had no contact with WH your personal healing/recovery was helping you. But now that you have had contact you can tell your personal healing has started back to square one.

Dr. Harley has had years of experience with helping couples who have dealt with an affair. One of the main effects he has seen that when a BW stays in contact with their unrepentant WH it takes a great toll on the BW mental and physical health. For your own sake please go to a dark Plan B and that includes no contact with WH.

I am dark. I thought plan B included business related stuff?

Plan B is no contact, period. Don't pick and choose MB principles to apply, then they won't work:

Plan B is to avoid all contact with the unfaithful spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery.

Ok

No you're not dark at all. To be truly dark means absolutely no contact at all. That is why I'm saying you need an IM to pass all business related stuff.

Did you read the Plan B link I sent you? When will you be getting an IM?

If you aren't wanting to fight the affair then why aren't you following through with divorce??

You aren't fighting the affair because you refuse to expose the affair on the OW's side.

Yes I read the link. I have an IM now...next time he contacts me for anything I will use my IM. I don't expose the OW because I have no idea who her family is at this point in the day...but looking.

And the divorce is in motion...by him...I don't want the divorce but I can't stop it since I didn't file.

Radio Clip on What Plan B is and When to Use it
Radio Clip on Plan B

Well...I sent the plan B letter to my WS Facebook friends. OMG...WS is livid...sent me a private msg as well as OW...she didn't know he was married til a lil while ago. I can't say if it ends things but my letter was quite revealing...to include my WS history of domestic violence. She was very apologetic. Acknowledged it as sin. Not sure if it will result in a split....but hoping. How long does it take before reality truly sets in? OW also deleted her FB acct almost immediately.