My husband and I had been married almost 7 years when I cheated on him with a neighbor. It was a huge mistake, I felt horrible, I didn't tell him. The next weekend we were drinking and the guy and I ended up having sex again, this time my husband caught us. I went to jail that night, when I came home the next morning I felt horrible. He asked me about the weekend before and I admitted. Long story short I vowed to never let it happen again and spend the rest of my life making it up to him.
Fast forward to 2015. We had moved to a new town so I could finish my degree. The night before our 8th anniversary a couple of my friends came out to drink and hangout with us. My friends and I went into the bedroom to watch a vacation film we made 10+ years ago. When the movie was over I went looking for my husband who had never come into the room.
He ended up being at out 19 year old babysitters apartment, (right across from ours) in the bedroom, the door was jammed. I busted the door in, per their request. I was mad, I went home threw his clothes out and set them on fire. He and my best friend got into a fight, I was trying to stop it. Long story short, we both went to jail. I got out 24 hours before him. Upon my release the babysitter was in the waiting room, I had no idea why. I went home to make arrangements for his bail, that's when I found out she paid his bond. I was upset, because I felt that was my place. So when he was released he stayed at her apartment telling me he wasn't allowed around me for 72 hours. 2 days later her sister send me a confirmation screenshot of the babysitter and my husband's conversation about their affair and how he loved her, but needed his family. I was so devastated. He stayed with her for almost 2 weeks until I called him to come home. However, when he was here it felt like he was mourning her. I was having anxiety attacks everyday.
After him being home a week we took a trip to Austin, because I had an event to attend. He has family there so he and the children stayed with them, with plans he and I would spent Saturday night alone together.
I decided Friday after him not calling to check on me, that I didn't want him to stay with me, and I needed time to digest and process everything. The children and I left Austin Sunday headed home without him.
3 days later his mother informed me that he was returning here, but wasn't going to be staying with me, it was just to sign paperwork. He never told me his plans. The only time I talk to him was him accusing me of blocking his number so he couldn't call the kids. When I seen he was online later that night ibasked how long he was staying, "idk" was his response. He was staying with her, she drove 3 hours to pick him up. I packed up our stuff and went to stay with my parents.
That weekend a friend of mine volunteered to watch my kids, so I could have some time to myself. Well, like an idiot I got in touch with an ex. He ended up staying with us for about 2 weeks. It was stupid, I wish I wouldn't have picked the phone up... But I was beyond weak and he was a distraction.
Basically in a nut shell, my husband had an affair with our babysitter, who we were good friends with, that started in August. I found out the end of October. I dropped him off in Austin the middle of November, he returned to move in with her from the middle of November until January 10th. I had to send my kids up there to visit him. I begged him to come home. I even let him see me shatter, but it wasn't until he seen how crazy she really was that he came home. We've cried together, he's answered my questions as patiently as he can. He swears he is sorry and this will never happen again. I've never been hurt to this extent. I feel insecure and like I'm walking on eggshells, when I feel like he should be the one impressing and making it up to me. I forgive him for having sex with her, I can understand what lead him to that, I can understand him developing feeling for her. I cannot forgive the lies. Everything he said to me was a lie, until January when he was done with her. His sister became buddy, buddy with her and trash talked me. Today she sent me a friends request. I was OK talking to her online, but she's wanting me to call and she really hurt my feeling behind all of this. I just don't feel like I'm worthy of anything. I have been made to feel the lowest of the low. Like, they were that fast to befriend her, even have her come up for thanksgiving. My mom is beyond mad at my husband. My dad really hasn't talked to me since it came out my husband is back. I'm sure my brother still wants to beat him. I'm 2 semesters away from graduation and I'm so lost and unsure of everything and everyone right now idk what to do. Advice? Relation?

Welcome to MB,

I advise you both to stop having sex with other people, and brawling, fighting and going to jail.

I advise you to move far away and begin a new life together, out of reach of the babysitter. If you both want to build a new marriage, you need to dispose of your old life entirely. Actually, I have seen situations like yours - on the Jerry Springer Show. If you don't want to live like the people that appear on that show, then stop living like them.

Are you and your husband drinkers? I see that you'd been drinking when you had the first affair, and at your 8th anniversary party. I think you both need to give it up now, and for good.

I think you and your husband would benefit immensely from a personal conversation with Dr Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders. He has vast experience with every kind of marriage-destroying behaviour, and I think he is probably the only person who could slap some sense into you both. You need to copy your first post into an email and send it to him, care of his radio show.

My heart breaks for your poor children. They are being brought up by parents who drink, fight, have sex with random acquaintances, set fire to possessions, abandon the home and get sent to jail. They do not deserve this.

If you decide to seek out Dr. Harley's advice, send your email to mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

And I would agree with SugarCane that it is a very good idea. You cannot afford to mess with time here.

What that should read is: You cannot afford to waste any time.

**edit**

Dazed.

JRading your initial post indicates that that you're floating and you're not serious about your M. When you are serious, come on back!!

Tom