I doubt it'll stop her from starting something, but at least I'll be able to stop it before it turns physical, or into a long-term affair. If I bust her again, I don't think I'll tell her how I caught her.

I don't know if her groups are women only or not. Thank you for suggesting this. I'll check.

So?? Emotional Affairs, even short ones, are death blows to a marriage.

Have you got the book yet?

Have you viewed the video yet?

Have you started learning Dr. Harley's plan to eliminate and recover from affairs yet?

What was your original posting name five years ago?

You can't stop her. She has had THREE affairs already and you are not going to stop her. Just accept it. Just accept that you are the standby man. This is your future.

She has absolutely no reason to change and won't change. Welcome to your future.

Could you answer this please?

No, you can't. You haven't been able to stop 3 affairs so I can't imagine why you think you will stop her future affairs. You can't stop it. Just accept it.

So do you plan to live the next 25 years or longer busting her? Is that your strategy?

Are you aware that mixed sex addiction groups are the perfect pick-up joints?

Mixed AA groups are not much better. These are meeting places for people who have absolutely no self-control. They are addicts who can easily swap one addiction for another. These groups are lifelines where people often become over-involved, to the detriment of their marriage. Your wife is already addicted to the high that being with other men brings. Can you imagine how dangerous a mixed addiction group is for her?

Mixed gender AA groups are great resources for those who are trolling for sex.

I apologize, but I don't remember my user name back then. I had a different e-mail address, so wasn't able to log in under the same name. Wish I did. . . I had a pretty epic post the first time around.

You kanow what? Yes, that is my plan, dude. I'll be honest, the first time this happened, there were so many people on this forum who told me I needed to dump her and move on. Well, that is not the road I want to go down. We have had a really wonderful marriage for the last 5 years, and even though this has happened again, I just need to adjust and move forward. Before, I adjusted and increased my communication with her. Now I need to do the same thing and adjust in a different way. Sure, it SUCKS that I can't be married to a woman who can stay faithful to me. . . but I'm married to a woman who WANTS to be married to me, is extremely disappointed and disgusted with her actions (when she's caught), is willing to do anything to gain my trust and love back, and does truly want to spend the rest of her life with me. As soon as none of the above is true, then yes, I will bite the bullet and move on. Until then, you people who make comments like this need to be a little more sensitive, and realize that everyone has different criteria for ending a marriage, different self-esteem and strength of will, and different abilities to be able to make it through something as horrible as a cheating spouse.

I just asked her to make sure the AA group she was going to tonight was female only, and she said no. She turned around and came right back, saying "I respect that, and I'll look for one which is". Thanks for the suggestion.

Comments like what?

I asked a question. In what way was that insensitive?

I said nothing about ending your marriage in any of my posts. I don't believe you should end your marriage, and I never even hinted at that.

I also doubt that last time you were here, "there were so many people on this forum" who told you needed to dump her and move on. That is not what we do here. When you came here before, your wife had had one affair, like every case on this part of the forum. What you would have been urged to do was change your lifestyle so that your wife could not spend time with other men without your knowing it.

You have been really bad at reading what was written to you today, and you have left questions unanswered. You haven't answered my question about the mixed sex addiction group, for example. You haven't answered my questions about how your wife is able to have relationships with other men without your knowing about them, and how and where she meets up with them for sex.

There was a reason for my asking these questions, and that is, to encourage you find the giant holes in your marriage, where you do not lead an integrated life with your wife, and into which these affairs can so easily fit. The goal is for you to see where you need to change your lifestyle so that you are NOT having to bust your wife every two to three years, and where you do not end up having shared her with ten or more men by the time of your silver wedding - that is, if she hasn't run off with one of them before then.

However, since you feel your marriage is wonderful as it is, and since you are planning to live with her affairs, I don't think you need anything from Marriage Builders.

Please rest assured that Marriage Builders is not a marriage-at-any-cost program. That approach only serves to enable wayward spouses and destroys the betrayed spouse in the process.

If your wife is "willing to do anything" as you say, will she make a radical change in her behavior? Will she end all opposite sex friendships? Spend 24 hours a day with you? Stop trolling for sex? Give you full access to all of her email and cell phone accounts? Will she be willing to change her lifestyle so you work together and are together 24/7?

If not, then you would be foolish to stay with her. But if YOU will actually use Marriage Builders and hold her accountable in the way I described above, you may have a chance. Otherwise, there is nothing here to save. Staying with her would to volunteer for a death of a thousand cuts.

A serial cheater has to take a global approach to resolving the problem.

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One affair? Naw.....

She needs to go to day meetings that include females only. You should go with her to every meeting to make sure she goes. Alcoholics are notorious about saying they are going to "meetings" and going out catting around.

Your wife being "attractive" is not the problem - the fact that she is out looking for action is the problem.

Every BH of a serial cheating wife has used this excuse on here. There are MANY "extremely attractive" wives of men out there who do not cheat. Do not excuse your WW's behavior with this nonsense.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was the aggressor in the relationships with your friends and many of the men that she ends up hooking up with, based on what I know of serial cheaters....

Agree with Susie. Your wife is trolling for action. She is open for business. I know many attractive married women. Married men aren't hitting on them unless they know they are available. Your wife is available and men know it.

All the "communication" in the world will not overcome the trolling for sex with men. Your wife is very different from the majority of cheaters in that she is out looking for action. Most cheaters aren't looking for it.

I do not believe you.

We do not advise betrayed spouses to "dump" their WS and "move on". There is a specific plan for every one who posts here - one time cheats all the way to serial cheats.

The fact that your WW continued on with her cheating ways tells me that she was resistant to implementing the basic EPs that Dr Harley recommends (such as closing FB) and that's what you would have (righfully) caught some heat about.

No, therapy will not help.

I spoke to Dr Harley about my serial cheating ex WH and he basically told me that it's a skill set...that it's something my ex WH was good at and made him feel good about himself and that it's going to be very hard to get him to stop.

You need to create a lifestyle where cheating is IMPOSSIBLE. Period.