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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you talked with OM's BW?


No they are separated on and the Divorce path based on what my W has told me... she told me that he walked in on her with OM but I have a hunch it might have been the other way around - her walking in on my W with OM.

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BTW do you all think the evidence I've gathered is sufficient enough or do I need to go deeper?

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Originally Posted by PacificLove
Long time no post... been bouncing between expose/no expose (I know exposure is the philosophy of this group) here's what I've got so far:

First off, it is not "the philosophy of this group;" it is the philosophy of Dr. Bill Harley, clinical psychologist who has saved thousands of marriages in these situations. Every person on this forum who is in a recovered marriage attributes it to exposure. The longer you wait, the LESS effective it will be.

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Texting back and forth (in one text she calls him her lover)
He kept inquiring for her to come spend the night
She's admitted to spending one night with him when I was away but "nothing happened"When I confronted she admitted to an EA (but not a PA)

Her admission is your evidence. Of course they slept together. You know they did.

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She moved out on 4/1

Harder to save your marriage now. But if you want to have any chance, you will have to expose and follow the advice on this forum.

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I have shared the A with close friends and family but we haven't discussed exposure and even they are reluctant to expose (not convinced it's the right approach). I also spoke to my pastor who wasn't in favor of exposing.

First off, keeping the affair a secret is an unbiblical approach and those who are against exposure have no experience in saving marriages. Most people believe affairs should be kept secret. BUT, most people have no earthly idea how to save marriages.

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She hasn't requested a D, only time to figure things out. I believe the A has been going on for at least 12 months, possibly 18 months. OM has already left his W - apparently because he walked in on her having an A but I think my W was twisting this and maybe she walked in on them.

The longer the affair goes on without exposure, the harder it will be to save it. One of the first things you will want to do is speak to the OM's wife and find out the truth.

How long have you known about this affair?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by PacificLove
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you talked with OM's BW?


No they are separated on and the Divorce path based on what my W has told me... she told me that he walked in on her with OM but I have a hunch it might have been the other way around - her walking in on my W with OM.

The only thing you know about the OMW was told to you by a liar. The OM and his wife may very well be together. This affair probably could have been killed months ago if you would have exposed it.

Perhaps the OM did leave his wife for your wife, but that is not very typical. Most married men don't leave their wives for some cheap side action.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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When will you be exposing? When will you be contacting OM's BW?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
When will you be exposing? When will you be contacting OM's BW?

Still figuring out timing and who, I wont go nuclear if I do expose, I will tell her BF, the OM's BW and maybe my Daughter - she's 10 not sure I want to bring her into this or not.

I'm not sure her BF would be good or bad though... she's recently divorced and was on the other side (Betrayed by her H) so not sure she'll be for or against the M. I've also remained friends with her H which I know has been difficult with her. I also wonder whether this gives my W and her the feeling I'm "ok" with cheaters... (which I'm not, I never supported what he did but he's a friend nonetheless)


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Originally Posted by PacificLove
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
When will you be exposing? When will you be contacting OM's BW?

Still figuring out timing and who, I wont go nuclear if I do expose, I will tell her BF, the OM's BW and maybe my Daughter - she's 10 not sure I want to bring her into this or not.

I'm not sure her BF would be good or bad though... she's recently divorced and was on the other side (Betrayed by her H) so not sure she'll be for or against the M. I've also remained friends with her H which I know has been difficult with her. I also wonder whether this gives my W and her the feeling I'm "ok" with cheaters... (which I'm not, I never supported what he did but he's a friend nonetheless)

Half measures will avail you nothing. I wouldn't bother exposing at all. It will be a waste of your time if you do this little trickle, trickle, trickle. It will just piss off your wife for absolutely no good reason.

If you have a raging blood infection, do you do a little trickle, trickle, trickle of antibiotics? Or do you do what is necessary to kill the infection? For some reason, that I cannot fathom, you don't want to expose this affair.

I don't give this any hope until you start taking it seriously yourself.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Also, you could gift her with a new phone and new number. smile

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