How long has this been going on, do you actually know? I'm not asking what he has told you...what timeline have you discovered for yourself?

NO to marriage counselors - I've said that above and so have others, so no need to re-cap.

I tried to make sense of things too. It is not possible. Three years later here (beyond fully recovered and on to better-than-ever!), and it is still not possible.

What Dr. Harley provides for us is a roadmap back to each other, as well as a way to build a better marriage than EVER before. But the first step to that is killing the affair. Most of us betrayed spouses had to kill it ourselves by exposure. It is not very common that a wayward ends the affair and goes 100% no contact for life on their own.

What articles have you read here on this site? A good place to start is here: How to Survive an Affair

Yes it is nonsense. How long do you propose to live like this? It isn't going to end on its own, and meanwhile your daughters are learning that this is normal behavior for a man to treat his wife this way.

How old are your daughters, btw?

You need to EXPOSE this affair to your parents, your siblings, your close friends, any religious mentors, HIS parents, his siblings, his close friends, HER close friends, HER parents, HER siblings (you probably can find them on facebook).

And...you need to expose this to your daughters over 5 years of age...someone please verify the age that Dr. Harley recommends exposure to children.

If there is a chance of killing his affair (and I have a large hunch that there is), exposure is the most effective weapon (it must be done all at once and without warning for the fullest effect).

Have a read here: When should an affair be exposed?

I did not see that you answered this question. it is important.

They are taking a college course together right now.

I am done and do not want to do this marriage anymore. I was so upset crying for 2 hours and he said he loved me and was sorry he hurt me. Then he snuck outside and called her. My daughters are 13, 11, 9
I can't live like this no more.

Even if you decide to leave your marriage you still need to expose or he will spin the story of why you're divorcing.

When will you be exposing and to whom?

Here Exposing to Children

Have you done this?

Pack his bag and ask him to leave immediately. After he leaves you should deadbolt the door so he can't come back. Tomorrow morning, call a locksmith and have the locks changed.

Can you do this?

I stay in an apartment and going to inquire with the complex

Did you kick him out?

I was in a car accident yesterday. I slept with him in a moment of weakness yesterday after the accident. I know I am a big fool, because now I can not reach him. I found out more about this OW she is an unemployed weed addict who only has custody of 2 of her 4 children. THat lives in section 8 housing. He refuses to answer my calls today his mom is in the hospital fighting for her life. I want a divorce and have started to contact lawyers.

I had agreed to go out of town and see his mother because she is extremely sick and fighting for her life. But I am going to expose to both parents when I do see them. He makes like his phone dies every time he goes to the area of the city she lives in. That area of our metropolitan area has now become a trigger point for me. This is too stressful and the assault is too much.God please help me.

The only thing that compare to this is the death of a very close family member. I know I was a idiot for yesterday. I just want to go far away, I can not function at all.

STOP. Calm yourself down. Kick him out. Don't do anything else until you kick him out. Stop calling him. Pack his things, text him and tell him to come pick his things up. Change your locks.

The thing is he will not even respond to my text.

He doesn't need to respond. Go pack his bags, set them on the porch and change the locks. Send him a text telling him:

"I need for you to move out immediately. I have packed your bags for you. You will find them on the porch."

Go do that right now.

Exposure day went very well especially with my in laws. They have already made it clear that they want nothing to do with OW and my MIL called her trash. They also said they are very disgusted for my husband behavior. Now he is so upset and telling his family that he desperately wants to work on the marriage. But my emotions are already place and I am fed up. I don't trust him at all and he claims he is willing to give into all that I ask. But I don't trust him. Knowing that they want nothing to do with OW, they were stunned and when they saw my evidence I was gathering they were disgusted by actions. They are not willing to support his affair with OW. His siblings have all the took the side of his parents and refuse to support him and equally disgusted by his actions. He keeps trying to contact me, but right now I am focusing on myself and daughters. He is trying to get into this program that required references of his character. Well his planned references now know what is going on. He told my friend I am tried to ruin his career by doing that.

I spent the past few days quietly gathering evidence. My friend's husband is an attorney and has already offered services in case I needed him. He advised me to keep gathering my evidence and make sure to save it and keep of records of everything. During the course of gathering evidence I came upon some information that is potentially very damaging to my husband career wise. I do not know what to do with this information. Really I don't know how to really handle this information.

Wayward husband coworker told me that my husband said it feels like his life is crashing around him. To me he is just sorry that he now is facing the music for his actions.

Did you kick him out and change the locks?