I will discuss this deeply with my wife.

Yes. I am following many of the steps and recommendations that have been presented here. I don't want to fail, nor cut corners.

It may come across this way, but the shame and guilt for what I've done are real, not self centered.

That is for her to disclose.

I respectfully disagree with you regarding the AA/SAA program. It teaches people how to succinctly & thoroughly rid themselves of addictive behavior. This is what my marriage needs.

I'd welcome counseling sessions with Dr. Harley for my wife and I. I know you mean well, but until someone has intimately discussed this with my wife, they can't know her heart.

You are ignorant regarding the system I bought. These things are not possible. As far as using another computer, I will consider your words. I hadn't considered that before because it wasn't something I had ever done. It's a valid point and one that I need to address.

What happened to "cutting out the [censored]"? There is nothing constructive about this post. I value your help, but will disregard this comment.

Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts.

I like this advice. It's tangible and something she can immediately use to start determining the correct course of action for herself. I'm here to learn what actions to take. You've helped immensely.

I don't blame anyone, nor anything, for my actions. A different lifestyle would not have prevented what I've done. I am listening when you say a different lifestyle is key to preventing it. My tone is not defensive. I am reading, listening, and considering.

Clear and concise. Again, I do value your input and am considering your words.

Ask her right now to allow you to disclose it here.

Ew. Would you please stop this?

But you aren't DOING, so it's all for naught. I hope your wife is reading.

Hi all. Thank you SO much for taking the time to help us with our horrible situation. I'm the wife. <3 I have read everything and appreciate your help and input. I wrote my story on this forum too:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...flat&Number=2882526&#Post2882526

What does "deeply" mean? Is your wife reading this thread? Does she understand there won't be a marriage if you don't get a job that is not a risk to your marriage?

Yes. I am following many of the steps and recommendations that have been presented here. I don't want to fail, nor cut corners. [/quote]

Ok, that is good. But you need to follow ALL the steps. This cannot be cherry picked. Half measures will avail you nothing. It is just like AA. It is not the cafeteria program. You can skip steps, but you will only end up with a failed marriage.

I respectfully disagree with you regarding the AA/SAA program. It teaches people how to succinctly & thoroughly rid themselves of addictive behavior. This is what my marriage needs.[/quote]

I would happen to know how it works as I have been sober in AA for 31 years. You have NO basis on which to disagree.

I'd welcome counseling sessions with Dr. Harley for my wife and I. I know you mean well, but until someone has intimately discussed this with my wife, they can't know her heart. [/quote]

Dr Harley doesn't care about your wife's "heart;" he cares that you follow the advice we are giving you here since it came from HIM.

If you would like to verify that, you can email him at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com


There are endless loopholes and no, I am not ignorant. You are ignorant if you don't understand that we know that you know there are ways around any keylogger. Like I said, even a wetbrain can figure that out.

What happened to "cutting out the [censored]"? There is nothing constructive about this post. I value your help, but will disregard this comment. [/quote]

There is nothing constructive about saying you did it for "yourself" and not your wife when you have just knifed her in the back. The fact that you said such a callous thing tells me you aer not a good judge of what is constructive and what is not.

Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts. [/quote]

Another emotional statement that has no meaning.


So you would have committed adultery and viewed porn if she were sitting next to you all day? Is that what you are trying to tell me?

Are you here to learn, PLM? Because your plan has failed multiple times. Your way does not work. Stop tryingto tell ML off.

Also, is GreySeason really your wife? Because the prose is almost identical to yours.

Also, the registration is new.

Please stop. Yes, that's my wife. Yes, we talk the same, type similarly, and think alike. We've been lifetime sweethearts. I covet that. Anyway, yes, it's her. A mod can verify via IP address that we aren't in the same vicinity. Please don't question this again in her thread. It's painful and she doesn't deserve it.

I don't know what you are trying to say?

Hi apples
I assure you that greyseason is me, the wife. I just registered right now. Is there any way I can confirm that it's me?

Yes, she is reading.

�Deeply� means that we both love our lives, but are clinging desperately to our marriage. We need time to talk and think together about everything you are saying.

Thank you. You are right, skip steps and its all for naught. The big book is clear about this from the very beginning.

Melody, I didn�t know you had been sober for 31 years. Thank you for sharing that. I�m struggling with your advice regarding my career, and not for selfish reasons. But I am listening and searching.

I�ll email him as soon as I hit �post� on this response.

Then I am both a wet-brain and ignorant. I researched thoroughly and came to different conclusions. I�ll email Dr Harley immediately and ask for advice and solutions.

Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts.

I read this statement over and over until I could understand what you were saying. You are saying that if it�s not a visible, tangible action, it does not matter, correct?

No, you are correct. If she were next to me, I would not have done what I did.

I can�t ask my wife to live a life where she has to babysit me because of my addiction. This isn�t the life she deserves. If this is truly the case, she will probably leave. It will be the end of me.

Stop trying to tell ML how to recover from addiction (she has done it, you haven't) and stop emoting all over the place.

Your wife has every right to leave. She gets to decide if she wants to do what it takes, not you. Stop trying to control your wife's opinion and choices. Start being open to her in all your life if you want to prove recovery can work.

Have you read the surviving infidelity articles; you seem very unfamiliar with Dr. Harley's plan.

Sir, you have no idea the extent of my emotions. I'm containing them well. I want help. I'm listening. ML has been very caring in taking time to respond throughly, thoughtfully, & constructively. Much is lost in written communication (tone, inflection, body language) and I am doing my best to understand.

1) I am not doing anything to try to control her opinions. 2) I am going to do everything in my power to beg her to stay. I love her and will fight for her hand in marriage.

No. Thanks for the lead. I'll start on them ASAP.

You are 100% correct. I have not been open and that's where this whole mess started - dishonesty. I came clean two weeks ago and will continue to show her who I am, rather than tell her.

Did you oost before? Perhaps we could help you find your old username.

Stop. Flag a post and a moderator will quickly respond. They have other ways of verifying this. Your questioning is unreasonable and disturbing.

I say that, gently, as someone who has an addictive personality.
Melody doesn't need to examine her spirit. She's just fine.

Even if an addiction somehow is a violation of our own hearts .... what then? So? What does that tell you? That you are STILL a good person? Okay ... but then what? What does it matter if you're still a good person if your marriage is in shambles because of what you did??

You don't need to examine your spirit, or your heart, or your whatever either. Around here, we call that naval gazing and it will not save your marriage. Let's not worry about character here, or hearts, or spirits. You need to take ACTION.