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I dont care about your emotions; I care about your actions. You need to stop focusing on your emotions so much and focus on your wife.

Stop talking about heart. It is BS. Focus on the action you can take TODAY to prove your commitment.

Have you even looked at how you could change your job situation? Start working on solutions and stop throughing up roadblocks. Mr. Wondering wrote great ideas for how you implement transparency. Instead you choose to argue about AA and talk about searching your heart.

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Originally Posted by pleasehelpme02
Originally Posted by apples123
Did you oost before? Perhaps we could help you find your old username.
Stop. Flag a post and a moderator will quickly respond. They have other ways of verifying this. Your questioning is unreasonable and disturbing.

It is reasonable to see how things were addressed at the time. It is only disturbing if you are impersonating your wife.

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Originally Posted by Prisca
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Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts.
MrRollieEyes
I say that, gently, as someone who has an addictive personality.
Melody doesn't need to examine her spirit. She's just fine.

Even if an addiction somehow is a violation of our own hearts .... what then? So? What does that tell you? That you are STILL a good person? Okay ... but then what? What does it matter if you're still a good person if your marriage is in shambles because of what you did??

You don't need to examine your spirit, or your heart, or your whatever either. Around here, we call that naval gazing and it will not save your marriage. Let's not worry about character here, or hearts, or spirits. You need to take ACTION.
Thank you, Prisca. Your posts in my wife's thread are very loving. I appreciate that very much. She deserves love and I've crushed her.

I am a man of action. My entire life outside of my addiction shows that. I came here looking for an actionable plan. The checklist you posted in my wife's thread is most enlightening because we haven't done most of those things. Action plans like that are most welcome. MelodyLane is adamant that the only actionable thing that matters now is that I quit my career, the cornerstone of our lives. I don't question that MLs intentions are good. But this is a massive step that must be carefully considered. I am emailing Dr. Harley. I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage. Anything. I just need to be prudent and wise about it. Again, thank you for your love towards my wife and your advice for me.

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Originally Posted by apples123
I dont care about your emotions; I care about your actions. You need to stop focusing on your emotions so much and focus on your wife.

Stop talking about heart. It is BS. Focus on the action you can take TODAY to prove your commitment.

Have you even looked at how you could change your job situation? Start working on solutions and stop throughing up roadblocks. Mr. Wondering wrote great ideas for how you implement transparency. Instead you choose to argue about AA and talk about searching your heart.
Apples, I loved Mr. Wondering's post. I immediately sought out security measures just like what he recommended for my office. I'm doing similar for my office. Again, his ideas are exactly what I need.

You care about my actions. Thank you for caring at all - seriously. Here was my action plan for today. It may be woefully inadequate - I'll leave it up to you and others here who care to help me make tomorrow's action plan more substantive.

Action Plan 5/26/16:
1) read �Scourge of Pornography� article
2) complete step 4 work
3) contact sponsor
4) listen to Marriage Builder daily podcast
5) continue reading Every Mans Battle
6) show her how to use mspy, have her change passwords and associated email account

Originally Posted by apples123
It is reasonable to see how things were addressed at the time. It is only disturbing if you are impersonating your wife.
It's disturbing for her. Please try to understand and handle your question through the appropriate channels.

Last edited by pleasehelpme02; 05/26/16 04:02 PM.
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You need to read Dr. Harley's Infidelity articles before anything else. Then the book Surviving an affair. Then you can move on to other material. Anything else is kicking the can down the road. You need to deal with the Affairs first.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

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Is your sponsor a man?

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Originally Posted by apples123
You need to read Dr. Harley's Infidelity articles before anything else. Then the book Surviving an affair. Then you can move on to other material. Anything else is kicking the can down the road. You need to deal with the Affairs first.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

I have a reading list that looks like this:
Every Mans Battle
The Most Personal Battle
Surviving Affairs

If it's critical that I rearrange this list, I certainly will. Please advise.

Originally Posted by apples123
Is your sponsor a man?
Yes.

Last edited by pleasehelpme02; 05/26/16 04:06 PM.
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Move Surviving an Affair to the top. It is the most urgent need and includes a plan for recovery. The others wont help you with the plan for recovery.

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Originally Posted by pleasehelpme02
Thank you, Prisca. Your posts in my wife's thread are very loving. I appreciate that very much. She deserves love and I've crushed her.

I am a man of action. My entire life outside of my addiction shows that. I came here looking for an actionable plan. The checklist you posted in my wife's thread is most enlightening because we haven't done most of those things. Action plans like that are most welcome. MelodyLane is adamant that the only actionable thing that matters now is that I quit my career, the cornerstone of our lives. I don't question that MLs intentions are good. But this is a massive step that must be carefully considered. I am emailing Dr. Harley. I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage. Anything. I just need to be prudent and wise about it. Again, thank you for your love towards my wife and your advice for me.

I agree with MelodyLane. Your marriage doesn't have any hope unless you change careers.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted by apples123
Move Surviving an Affair to the top. It is the most urgent need and includes a plan for recovery. The others wont help you with the plan for recovery.
I'll look for a printable PDF so I can start tonight. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by Toujours
pleasehelpme02, Please do not post on your wife's thread. Stay on your own. Thank you.
Noted.

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If you want to get up to speed really fast, read the book, then get the archive and listen to a bunch of segments on Serial Cheaters. You need to focus and drill down on the plan if you want to save your marriage. The other books are a distraction right now.

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Originally Posted by pleasehelpme02
Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts.
MrRollieEyes
I say that, gently, as someone who has an addictive personality.
Melody doesn't need to examine her spirit. She's just fine.

Even if an addiction somehow is a violation of our own hearts .... what then? So? What does that tell you? That you are STILL a good person? Okay ... but then what? What does it matter if you're still a good person if your marriage is in shambles because of what you did??

You don't need to examine your spirit, or your heart, or your whatever either. Around here, we call that naval gazing and it will not save your marriage. Let's not worry about character here, or hearts, or spirits. You need to take ACTION.
Thank you, Prisca. Your posts in my wife's thread are very loving. I appreciate that very much. She deserves love and I've crushed her.

I am a man of action. My entire life outside of my addiction shows that. I came here looking for an actionable plan. The checklist you posted in my wife's thread is most enlightening because we haven't done most of those things. Action plans like that are most welcome. MelodyLane is adamant that the only actionable thing that matters now is that I quit my career, the cornerstone of our lives. I don't question that MLs intentions are good. But this is a massive step that must be carefully considered. I am emailing Dr. Harley. I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage. Anything. I just need to be prudent and wise about it. Again, thank you for your love towards my wife and your advice for me.

You don't understand. This is not "melodylane's" personal advice, this is what DR HARLEY advises people to do in your situation.

My "intention" is only to guide you in what Dr HArley can and does advise in these situations. DR HARLEY is "adamant" that the environment that led to the affairs is changed. In your case it is a career that keeps you on the computer.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by pleasehelpme02
Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
Not so. Did your heart lead you to drink? This is a gentle question. Examine your spirit and you will realize that an addiction is often a violation of our own hearts.
MrRollieEyes
I say that, gently, as someone who has an addictive personality.
Melody doesn't need to examine her spirit. She's just fine.

Even if an addiction somehow is a violation of our own hearts .... what then? So? What does that tell you? That you are STILL a good person? Okay ... but then what? What does it matter if you're still a good person if your marriage is in shambles because of what you did??

You don't need to examine your spirit, or your heart, or your whatever either. Around here, we call that naval gazing and it will not save your marriage. Let's not worry about character here, or hearts, or spirits. You need to take ACTION.
Thank you, Prisca. Your posts in my wife's thread are very loving. I appreciate that very much. She deserves love and I've crushed her.

I am a man of action. My entire life outside of my addiction shows that. I came here looking for an actionable plan. The checklist you posted in my wife's thread is most enlightening because we haven't done most of those things. Action plans like that are most welcome. MelodyLane is adamant that the only actionable thing that matters now is that I quit my career, the cornerstone of our lives. I don't question that MLs intentions are good. But this is a massive step that must be carefully considered. I am emailing Dr. Harley. I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage. Anything. I just need to be prudent and wise about it. Again, thank you for your love towards my wife and your advice for me.

You don't understand. This is not "melodylane's" personal advice, this is what DR HARLEY advises people to do in your situation.

My "intention" is only to guide you in what Dr HArley can and does advise in these situations. DR HARLEY is "adamant" that the environment that led to the affairs is changed. In your case it is a career that keeps you on the computer.

Also, you have been traveling for your job. Not even one more night apart. Either your wife comes or you don't go.

In ADDITION to the checklist of extraordinary precautions, I would follow Mr. Wondering's advice to schedule with a psychiatrist. You have extreme cravings for extreme experiences. Just because the man she married is in there doesn't mean that the guy who needs a rush will disappear. Prevent the druggie from hurting her by following EPs, and get a psychiatrist to help you level out your cravings.



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Please listen to the clips in here.
Serial Cheaters


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I see you're still not living by extraordinary precautions and not protecting your Wife or your marriage.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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