And she is doing exactly that.

Again you are arguing with one of the most helpful posters we have. Somebody who helped me save my marriage with Prisca.

But if you really feel that a poster is unhelpful, just click "ignore" and you won't have to see them any more. Don't sidetrack your own thread by starting a debate about whether people are helpful or not. You really don't know what's helpful and what isn't, at this stage. Like all of us, you've shown up in a situation where your best thinking ruined your marriage. So sit back and listen to people who have been there and recovered, rather than arguing with everybody.

Michael, you are not going to convince us of this.
We can help you affair proof your marriage, even with a woman who is a serial cheater (if you are willing to follow all the steps). We can help you create romantic love inside of your marriage.

We will NOT help you continue to disrespect your wife's "addiction to love" as if it were some mental problem she needs to work through. We don't do that here.

You seem to be constraining your solutions by applying labels. Labels are just labels. I don't even care to count how many labels have been applied to my autistic son.

The solution for your marriage does not depend on a label. Neither will you find it helpful to use the label in constructing an alternative plan. This is because the only means available to a happy marriage is for your wife to be in love with you and for her to abide by extraordinary precautions that will make all future affairs impossible. The solution is what you do in the future, and you will never find that by dwelling on her past.

Thank goodness the MB program doesn't rely on a person's own willpower!

Please, PLEASE talk to Dr. Harley about this.

Dr. Harley is a clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience saving marriages specializing in infidelity. But he also used to run a large chain of mental health clinics and did extensive work in addiction therapy.

Dr. Harley is quite frankly the best therapist in the world to help you guys.

Please send him an email at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Or at least read some of the helpful material he has on this site that addresses these subjects.

I phrased my question badly, and that led to your misunderstanding me. There was no sarcasm there.

What I am asking is:

What is the SLAA groups's solution to the problem of people having sex with strangers?

ALL CHEATERS have a "lurve addiction." The only difference between your wife and other cheaters is that your wife is a SERIAL CHEATER. She is addicted to having affairs. That takes a more global approach. All cheaters [and all addicts] lack the willpower to overcome their impulses. it doesn't mean they can't stop. I am alcoholic and have not had a drink for 31 years, for example. Therefore, the solution is to create a lifestyle in which she CANNOT CHEAT.

You have been given the solution many, many times and are ignoring it:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

The topic is EXACTLY THE SAME!!

We followed that checklist when she was having an affair. Thank you for that. It did help, and it did work. It doesn't totally apply now though since it's been over 6 months, and we're really focusing on how to create a romantic, loving relationship again, despite her unhealthy addictions which she's also fighting to overcome.

If you are following all of the items on this list, her unhealthy actions would be impossible.

Or am I missing something?

It totally applies today. Extraordinary Precautions are a LIFESTYLE, not just something you do when there's an affair and you can drop it 6 months later.

It has been 6 years since my affair, and markos and I still follow the Extraordinary Precautions on that checklist.

It applies FOREVER, however, that is your FIRST STEP. You should be going through the steps for recovery as outlined in Survivng an Affair. Are you doing that?

Yes, we're doing it.

What unhealthy actions on her part are still possible?

I could be wrong, but it looks like ignored us when we asked you to tell us what your posting name was in 2011.

You want me to list every unhealthy action she could take? She has a phone, so she could text anyone she wants. Shall I take her phone away?

Please listen to the clips in here.
Serial Cheaters

We asked you many times to outline her affairs and how she was able to conduct them - you got very defensive and said you did not want to relive it. Knowing HOW she is trolling for action is the way you figure out how to affair proof your marriage.

That list is for ONE time cheats. Your WW is a SERIAL cheater - which means there are most likely more holes that you need to plug up since this type of cheater is addicted to having affairs.

YES, she should not have access to a phone that she can text on. I spoke to Dr Harley about this topic on the radio show BTW and that's what he told me.

There is a lot of BS denial happening here, Michael.

I know you are going to get angry and say "Here they go again, being insensitive! Why can't they just help me!!"

This is me shaking you and saying, wake up! Unless you get serious and really affair proof your marriage, your WW is going to continue to have affairs and there will be NO marriage to save.

That is the kindest thing that we can do for you.